Newest Sewing Projects

In slightly unrelated news, last week I finally finished the apron I was making for the dietician.

In December, my local fabric store had this gorgeous Japanese printed cotton. I'd seen a couple I'd liked before, but when I asked mum to pick me up a sample scrap, they were all too light. This was the first one that was a suitable weight, and I couldn't resist the vibrant colours. Having seen her taste in fashion every week for the past four years, I knew she'd love it (or at least, I hope she will).

It might be a little belated for a Christmas gift, but between my health, both physical and mental, and juggling the contents of my sewing room around the house while I repainted (which is finally done, after unexpectedly needing more paint), I haven't been able to sew as much as I'd like.

I'm still working on drafting and sewing a few of my own patterns - a nightie and pyjama shorts, a few camisoles, trackies - which is a new experience for me. Hopefully once I have everything back in place in my 'new' sewing room, now that it's finally painted, I'll be able to dedicate more time to it (it's been gutted completely, right down to the furniture, so I currently have a blank slate).

I even made a matching oven mitt (which I've always intended to make with aprons, but never have).

I've also still been slowly working away on my "Shearing at Newstead" tapestry. I've spent over 80 hours on it in the past two years, and I'm not even halfway done. I think I underestimated the enormity of the project.

I also wanted to share this picture that I got from the lovely Katie Elizabeth a couple of months ago. Last year, I sent her a couple of little dresses for her beautiful baby girl. It was such a joy to see her wearing her little sailor dress. My only regret is that I didn't have time to make matching headbands.

xxBella

New Year, Same Old Story

I can't believe another year has already passed. It seems like only yesterday I was getting my notebooks ready for 2015, and here I am again, purple pen and ruler in hand.

I know I'm a little late to be posting about the New Year, but I've been having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around things lately. So, today I thought I'd go back and do a bit of a review of the past year.


First off, I had my weigh-in with the dietician this week. I came in at 43.9kg, nearly exactly 10kg down from last January. Looking at the records, she says it's been a fairly consistent drop. Since then, I've dropped another 2kg. Food is harder than it's been in a long time. I stopped exercising completely about two or three months ago, and the weight seems to be falling off.

I won't get to see her next week, which will be hard. Tuesday is Australia Day, and by the time mum called, she was booked out for Thursday. I'm on the cancellation list, and she always says that there are people who don't turn up to appointments. I live maybe 2 minutes away, so hopefully I'll get a phone call at some point on Thursday. At the moment, she's the only one I can talk to, and the only one who follows up with the recent trauma confession.


For the last couple of years, I've been trying to challenge my agoraphobia by going out once a month. It didn't happen last year. I manage appointments, and occasionally going to one place for smoke. Apart from that, I haven't really gone out since our trip to Warrnambool for my birthday.

I did manage an outing in November. We drove to Werribee so I could go fabric shopping. On the way home, we bought coffees, and numb-nuts here decided to hold it between my knees and take the lid off to add my sweetener, while travelling 100km/h. Needless to say, I spilt boiling black coffee all over my skirt and legs, and sat with burning thighs for the half an hour drive home.

There was also a sneaking out incident that I mentioned briefly, just before Christmas. I haven't even written in my journal about it. I think I was a tad manic, because I would not normally jump the fence to get in a car with someone I've only known online for a few days, let alone stay out until 7am. It was kind of surreal.



2015 was the first year since diagnosis that I wasn't admitted to hospital for my lung issues (COPD & Bronchiolitis Obliterans). I've had more than my fair share of antibiotics though. After joking about it for so long, last year I kept track. I was prescribed antibiotics for 172 days out of the year. 182 would've been half the year.

That said, I've had three lots of seizures and one black out, leading to many ambulance calls and trips to A&E. I'm still waiting for my neurology appointment (two months!), but I'm starting to think that maybe it's more linked to my head hitting/self-harm than just smoking and sleep deprivation.

My mental health nurse left in January. Since then, it's been slow progress getting to see someone else. The new MHN said something she really shouldn't have, and I don't particularly want to have to see her again.

Last month, a trauma confession bubbled to the surface, about my childhood abuse. Since then, I feel like I've been in crisis. I don't know what to do. I know it's something I need to work through, but everyone seems to be pushing me to just move out instead so they don't have to deal with it. Unfortunately, with my agoraphobia, living on a crime scene is preferable to the unknown.


I haven't done much sewing this year. I made a few aprons for last Christmas, plus two little dresses for Katie's little girl.

Apart from that, I've been doing some sketching and planning, but all I've really been sewing is the essentials - camisoles, trackie-dacks, alterations, a couple of basic skirts. Hopefully 2016 will be a more productive year. I started painting and re-doing my study/studio some weeks back, but haven't had the energy or motivation to finish, meaning my studio is currently spread between the lounge room, bedroom, and well, the whole house.

Last week, I got to five years in a row on MyFitnessPal. That's 1,825 days straight, for those of you playing along at home.

Happy New Year to all of my beautiful followers (and apologies for the pic spam!).


xxBella

A little bit of hanky panky

Today is just going to be a quick post to show you all one of my new sewing projects. 

It's heating up here in Australia, and it seemed like the perfect time to make some more loose, cool, but still stylish, skirts. I've been joking with mum that it's "the first item of my SS15/16 collection".

Unfortunately I haven't been sewing much this year, aside from the baby clothes and a pile of camisoles I'm still working on. I'm hoping next year will be much more productive once I finally have my sewing room set up again. 

We've had this fabric sitting in the linen press for as long as I can remember. Mum can't even remember why she bought it, but when I came across it a few weeks ago, I thought it'd be perfect for a hankerchief hem skirt - which is basically like a circle skirt, but instead of being circular, it's basically a big square with a hole in the center. There are a few photos at the end I've set up just to show that it is literally just a square with a hole.

I'm really happy with this skirt overall. It's just such a flattering, comfortable style, with a bit more attitude than it's circle skirt cousin. It's easy to make and such a versatile project once you've got the basic pattern. 

Unfortunately I haven't had the chance to wear it outside except for the clinic. Mum asked the other day if I'd be interested in a trip out, but I don't think I even let her finish her sentence before I snapped an immediate 'no'. 

The very thought makes my stomach turn. The only place I could go would be hours away, like Warrnambool with the cheese factory, where I have no chance of running into Him again. The further away the better. Anywhere within a few hour's drive of home is simply not safe. And even then, that poses more issues, just being so far away from home. 

I did try to get some photos of my new skirt yesterday, in my very empty and half-painted sewing room, although they're not the best. 

I really need to invest in a new dress form that goes down that one-or-two extra size so I don't have to keep relying on awkward selfies. 

I don't really have much else to say this week, but I hope you enjoy these pics. 

xxBella

Survival (and precious little else)

It's kinda funny (read: not funny at all) how the smallest circumstance can be the biggest trigger.

I've been really thrown for a loop since the dinner incident a couple of weeks back.

I feel afraid. I've realised that I've become one of those people who legitimately believe horrific things will happen if I leave the house. Just because I survived last time, does not mean I'll survive again. I feel like all I can do is hide away, and die before it can get me.

Last week, mum asked if I'd feel up to going for a walk in The You Yangs, which has been one of my few 'safe' destinations in recent years. I've never shot down an outing so quickly. It wasn't even an option. What if I go and he's there? The only escape would be off the mountain face.

Even the car has me filled with dread. It's no longer a safe bubble separating me from the big, bad world. My eyes scan every car, every pedestrian... Going for drives has been such a big part of getting through each day, but now it's down to once a week.

I know the sudden fear probably seems ridiculous. Part of me actually thought that I'd never see him again, that he'd moved away. The last time I saw him would have been five years ago.


On Wednesday, I had a major day-long breakdown. I didn't just self-harm, I beat myself up, and feel like I've been hit by a car. My feet, legs, chest, arms and face/head are covered in bruises and open wounds, complete with black eye. Now I just want to wrap myself in cotton wool. Even my chest hurts because I kept frantically running around the house trying to escape myself.

It was the most I've spoken since it happened. But talking just hurts more. There's nothing I, or anyone else, can say to make things better. Everything hurts. It physically hurts. What are you supposed to do when all you can do is cry and scream?


I saw the dietician on Tuesday. No clue what we talked about, except for setting a weigh-in deadline (for a month, so the 15th September). I'm not even sure if I'm going to be seeing her this week, because I've reached the limit on insurance and now it's all out of pocket. Ugh. I don't even want to think about any of it right now.

I'm just focusing on getting through each day, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time. I'm trying to focus on sewing or reading ED books or gaming to keep my head distracted. And it helps. Until I stop, and have to think again.

Sorry for such an all-over-the-shop post. Gold stars to anyone who reads this far. You guys have been seriously amazing. I know I've said it a million times, but I would be so very lost without this little community.

***

On a brighter note, the other day, I spent some time distracting myself looking through my 'Glory Box' (I think you guys might call them 'Hope Chests'). Essentially, I have pretty much everything I need to set up a household, which was purchased while planning to move out with my ex a few years back. Kinda depressing, kinda fun. Sometimes I look through and find little bits and pieces that make their way to the kitchen, or even spare appliances when ours' break.

Last week, I went hunting for the first apron I ever made. It's the same pattern I used for the Christmas Aprons, but I made this about 6 years ago. There's two little ravens appliquéd on the pocket. It's not the best quality and I need to make more, but I love this one as much as ever.

The camisole: my current sewing projects

Bonus: I also found a spare set of kitchen scales! They're the same brand and capacity as the ones I normally use, but these new ones are slimline, so they're going to be my travel/hospital scales. When I bought them, I was still measuring food by volume, so I had no idea they were there.

...unfortunately, it's my little 0.01g scales that currently need replacing.


xxBella

Syrsha's Dresses

Some time ago, I started planning a couple of little dresses for one of the good friends I've made here on Blogger, Katie Elizabeth, who at the time was expecting a baby girl. Little Syrsha is six months old now, but I got there eventually!

I started planning these at the end last year, at the same time I started making the aprons. At the moment, nothing in life is quick. Eight months later, and the parcel arrived in the US earlier this week, and I can finally share what I've been working on.

I'm a little obsessed with the concept of sailor dresses, and this pattern was perfect for one. It took me forever to decide on just which color combination I would use. There are so many options with blue, white, red, different amounts of stripes in different places... But ultimately this is the one I liked the most, and will one day use as a basis for the me-size sailor dress I've had the pattern sitting around for for years.

Finding fabric is never easy these days, either. I have to find what I think I'm looking for online, and mum picks it up for me. I was lucky enough to be at Lincraft in Warrnambool before Christmas, where I picked up the perfect fabrics for the blue dress, along with the bulk of the supplies for the aprons I made, but nothing for the pink dress. I must've bought 3-4 'pinks' and 3 'whites' before I found the perfect baby pink pin dot print, and a lovely soft collar fabric.

Do not even ask how many new buttons I have in my collection that ultimately didn't fit the bill.

For now, I think I need to get back to a few projects I've left unfinished and get started on that pile of repairs before I start anything else new.

Anyway, here they are!

The colors didn't turn out quite right in the photos, but they've very generic navy blue and baby pinks. That's one bonus to usually sewing all black - you don't have to worry too much about lighting in photos.

Please excuse the loose threads/cat hair/wrinkles. I did go over it before taking photos, not that you'd know it by looking.

I'm really in love with how neatly this hem turned out. I finished the raw edge with a narrow rolled hem, then slipstitched it behind the white bias binding.

(apologies for the photo spam)

xxBella