It is with a heavy heart that I write this post, to let you all know that my baby boy, Billy, passed away on Sunday night.
After a lifetime of health issues, his little body just wasn't strong enough to recover from another bout of surgery.
On Thursday, I found out that he'd injured his eye, and it had to be removed. There were concerns as to whether or not he'd make it through the anesthetic, given his age and plethora of health issues.
I went to see him on Friday morning before the surgery. His eye was entirely dark red, and he was very confused.
He made it through the surgery. I went in the next morning to see him before he went back to stay with the vet nurse who'd been taking care of him. As much as I'd tried to prepare myself, I was shocked by the amount of swelling and bruising on his little head. I gave him cuddles, and took him for a little walk. He seemed to be doing really well.
Someone anonymously offered to pay for all of his vet bills, which was a huge relief. At nearly 15 years old and tens of thousands of dollars put into his medical care, it was at the point where I couldn't afford any more surgery.
On Sunday night, I was outside having a smoke. I saw the vet walking up, and I knew something was wrong. We went inside to talk, and I was already crying. She said she had some really sad news, and I just lost it. Crying and screaming hysterically.
Even though the surgery went well, they took him to a 24hr vets for the weekend because they were concerned about the swelling and his pain levels. He had a cardiac arrest and they tried to resuscitate him, but couldn't. He just wasn't strong enough.
My brother came down so I could go see him. I was told it could only be 20 minutes, but I was with him for 1hr 15mins until my brother gave me a nudge to let him go. I just held him and lay on the floor next to him and sang 'You are my Sunshine'.
I've chosen an urn, and am also getting a locket with part of his ashes in it. The vet said a lot of people put something special in to be cremated with them, like a flower. Since I want so badly to be with him, I put in a lock of my hair, so I'll always be with him. He went on his final journey with my hair nestled by his heart.
I don't have words right now.
I am staying in supported accommodation until I find somewhere longer term. It's basically like a nursing home for all ages. I will update more at another time.
My GP, psych, and the people from the organization who were taking care of him were all writing letters and working to have him classed as a therapy dog, so he could be here with me. He was supposed to be here this week. And now he's gone.
There are no words for how heartbroken, devastated, and destroyed I am.
Rest in peace, my best friend, my strength, my everything.
After a lifetime of health issues, his little body just wasn't strong enough to recover from another bout of surgery.
On Thursday, I found out that he'd injured his eye, and it had to be removed. There were concerns as to whether or not he'd make it through the anesthetic, given his age and plethora of health issues.
I went to see him on Friday morning before the surgery. His eye was entirely dark red, and he was very confused.
He made it through the surgery. I went in the next morning to see him before he went back to stay with the vet nurse who'd been taking care of him. As much as I'd tried to prepare myself, I was shocked by the amount of swelling and bruising on his little head. I gave him cuddles, and took him for a little walk. He seemed to be doing really well.
Someone anonymously offered to pay for all of his vet bills, which was a huge relief. At nearly 15 years old and tens of thousands of dollars put into his medical care, it was at the point where I couldn't afford any more surgery.
On Sunday night, I was outside having a smoke. I saw the vet walking up, and I knew something was wrong. We went inside to talk, and I was already crying. She said she had some really sad news, and I just lost it. Crying and screaming hysterically.
Even though the surgery went well, they took him to a 24hr vets for the weekend because they were concerned about the swelling and his pain levels. He had a cardiac arrest and they tried to resuscitate him, but couldn't. He just wasn't strong enough.
My brother came down so I could go see him. I was told it could only be 20 minutes, but I was with him for 1hr 15mins until my brother gave me a nudge to let him go. I just held him and lay on the floor next to him and sang 'You are my Sunshine'.
I've chosen an urn, and am also getting a locket with part of his ashes in it. The vet said a lot of people put something special in to be cremated with them, like a flower. Since I want so badly to be with him, I put in a lock of my hair, so I'll always be with him. He went on his final journey with my hair nestled by his heart.
I don't have words right now.
I am staying in supported accommodation until I find somewhere longer term. It's basically like a nursing home for all ages. I will update more at another time.
My GP, psych, and the people from the organization who were taking care of him were all writing letters and working to have him classed as a therapy dog, so he could be here with me. He was supposed to be here this week. And now he's gone.
There are no words for how heartbroken, devastated, and destroyed I am.
Rest in peace, my best friend, my strength, my everything.
20.01.04 - 09.09.18
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Post-Surgery
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Last night, the vet brought over a beautiful bouquet of flowers,
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oh Bella I'm so sorry to read this. I'm in tears for you. This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteoh darling, I feel so much for you. I have been through this and know how painful it can be. Billy was loved and taken care for and you did so much for him!
ReplyDeleteSo so so awfully sorry you had to go through this. Please take care of yourself and please don't hurt yourself.
Grief is something that needs time and that is extremely personal, please allow yourself to grief him as you feel and don't bottle up your feelings without letting go.
(and I hope the above does not sound pompous or something, I just mean to say that I care for you and am sorry)
xoxoxoxox
I am so sorry for your loss. I know things are rough already right now, and this is definitely pain you don't need. I had to stop and think when I lost my cat Mudge of how many years I was able to spend with her. Had she not been found and rescued as a kitten and adopted by me and my family, she probably wouldn't have had those 16 years. Give yourself credit for taking care of Billy and loving him for 15 years. You were there until the end even if he was staying with someone else recently. You staying alive gave him a family and someone who loved him, and you will always be with him. I know now is not the time to think about it (but again it helped me) but remember that if you get through the difficulties you have now, you will have that chance again to rescue an animal and give it a family. I always thought I would die if I lost Mudge, but when I lost her I had Odd to take care of (and he grieved in his own way) and then when I was able to I adopted Nermal. Feel the grief now, but remember you have so much to offer if you get through this. You are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteOh Bella, I'm so sorry. I wish I could hug you right now, more than ever, because we know how much Billy means to you. <3
ReplyDeleteOh Bella, my heart is so broken for you. Please know that he had the BEST owner and home to live in. He never doubted that he was loved and I know he is at peace now. I cannot imagine your grief. You will be in my thoughts and I hope you take solace in knowing that Billy knew you loved him and that he is no longer in any pain. I hope things begin to look up soon.
ReplyDelete<3 Lee
Just want you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping you are coping with things. Love and hugs!
ReplyDeleteI hope you are healing. I know how this feels--Callisto was my soul mate and when she died I really didn't think I would live through it. (Even had the same thing happen in the animal hospital, they said I had 20 minutes, but I think I was curled up with her and sobbing for at least an hour.)
ReplyDeleteCurrently working on a design of her and Daisy's pawprints, so I can have them tattooed on my arm. That way they will always walk with me.
Much love to you. <3
Dear Bella,
ReplyDeleteI hope you are ok. Please give us a sign