Some days are worse than others. I'm completely overwhelmed by life, and I'm not coping as well as I could be. There isn't much support around at the moment - my case manager has disappeared, and my GP is away for six weeks. My psych has been calling me at least once a day (and yes, I've actually spoken on the phone with her). The past few days have been particularly rough. She came to see me for an emergency appointment yesterday, and the first words out of her mouth were "I think you need to go to the psych ward."
Even writing this, I kept breaking down in tears, hence it's taken so long to post an update. It has even made me physically ill. A few days ago, I was sitting outside with my second coffee of the morning, trying to write this. Then I started getting a headache and feeling sick. I went in to have my meds and lie down, and I threw up all of the coffee along with the meds. I've felt ill from emotions before, but I don't think I've ever thrown up from them.
My world is empty. Everything seems pointless. I don't game. I don't read books, or watch movies. I don't do any sewing or crafts. I don't cook or bake. I go outside to smoke cigarettes, and I lie in bed. My psych wants me to give myself permission to be happy. But how can I ever be happy without him?
Those who have me on Facebook will have seen these already.