There is nothing permanent, except change

This post is long overdue, but as it tends to do, life has kept getting in the way. 

A couple of weeks before Misty got sick, I had my 31st birthday. And for the first time since mum passed, I actually did something. 

For the past few years, my birthdays have been much of a non-event. I used to enjoy going out for dinner with my mum and brother, although we only did it for a few years. But it became something that I really enjoyed.

There’s a new-ish restaurant in town. I actually went last September on the night they opened. It was my first time out for dinner since mum passed, and I went solo (which I’d only done once before). I wasn’t originally planning on it, but a week before, I booked a table for one. I’ve always said that going out for dinner is like my version of going partying. Not only because I indulge in a decent amount of wine, but because I just find it a fun way to spend the evening. 

tl;dr, I met my favourite celebrity chef, Fangirl-ed, got an autograph, but drank far too much and lost it on the way home. Ever since, S - bestie, support worker, godmother to my cats - has been wanting to come with me for my birthday. 

I was nervous. I hadn’t really eaten around her before. Hell, I haven’t eaten around anyone since mum passed three years ago. For me, there is always a lingering worry, and I’m not even exactly sure what it is. Maybe it’s that my dining companion will think I’m fat or gluttonous. Maybe it’s a fear that I’ll eat more than them. And what if they make comments about health or diet related things?

Thankfully, dinner went smoothly. We had focaccia and a tasting plate to start, then I opted for a filet mignon while S had gnocchi. On the side, wagyu fat roasted potatoes, and roasted carrots with labneh and pistachios. 

I’d never had labneh or pistachios before, and I also tried olives and pickled onion for the first time. When I went in September, I tried pickles for the first time (I know, I know, it only took me 30 years) as well as different mustards, horseradish, chimmichurri, and the various cured meats on the tasting plate. For the past four or five years, I’ve been wanting to try different foods. I just seldom get the chance to. It’s not often that I’d just buy something like a jar of pickles, but if it’s in front of me, I’m willing to try a nibble. It’s just rare that these situations actually occur. 

The house still feels very empty without Misty. To make things worse, Miss Persephone has been struggling without her big sister. 

She would always get upset when I took Misty to the vet. They thought it was something to do with the ‘vet smell’. But it was manageable, and just meant keeping them separated for a bit after getting home. 

A couple of weeks after losing Misty, I went out to visit my great aunt. When I got home, Sephi was completely feral. It didn’t take long to realize that it was never the vet that was the issue - it was being left home alone. 

It should’ve been an easy fix, given that I rarely go out. But then I found out I would have to move soon, as the landlord is demolishing the house. After a handful of inspections, I have somewhere new lined up, but every time I went to look at a new rental, it would upset Sephi. Now, it’s progressed to the point that even opening the front door for S means that Sephi gets upset.

She’s always been such a sweet girl, but now will spend hours hissing, yowling, attacking. I took her to the vet a couple of weeks ago, and they gave her some medication to take before I go out. I tried her with it for the first time last week, and it didn’t seem to help at all. Apart from a higher dose, the next steps would be a behavioral specialist and/or daily medication for life. It’s heartbreaking, seeing her so distressed. 

It feels like the obvious solution would be to introduce a new friend for her, but she has become so unpredictable and aggressive, that it just wouldn’t be safe. I’m going to do everything I can to help her, but some days it just feels so hopeless. I’ll be checking in with the vet this week, and I just hope we can find something to help her before the move in October. 

Apologies for the selfie spam. This is really the only social media I have, apart from Facebook, and I very rarely post on there.

xxBella