Saturday, 13 September 2014

Cough, splutter, gag

So, my lungs are trying to kill me again. It's come on really quickly, but since it's been caught early, hopefully I can avoid hospital this time.

I started feeling off-color on Thursday. I'd been crying all day, feeling utterly hopeless. I started feeling nauseated with a headache building, and upon checking my temperature discovered it was 38.6°c. I took a couple of painkillers and had an early night, hoping I'd feel better in the morning.

I woke up in the middle of the night, sweating, aching, unable to stop coughing. It must've been worse than I thought, because I woke mum, who brought me a glass of water and my puffer. I've been needing it more and more these past few days.

On Friday morning, I woke up with my head pounding and and puked, and continued to do so on-and-off all day. Mum called the GP's office and got me an appointment for that morning. The first thing she did was find the pulse oximeter. My oxygen only read 88%, with my heart pounding away as usual around 110-115 bpm. Leaving it on for the duration of the appointment, my oxygen levels got as high as 90%. This was after just one day of feeling sick.

She wants to try to keep me out of hospital, but it's always an option if need be. I'm seeing her again first thing Monday, but she said to come in over the weekend to see another GP if need be, or to go to the private emergency room if it get worse.

She's put me on a shit-tonne of steroids for the next two weeks (starting at 75mg a day - the highest dose I've had before was 50mg during my last admission), as well as antibiotics and painkillers. I think I had maybe 3-4 weeks off antibiotics this time? My brother jokes that I'm going to end up breeding an antibiotic resistant superbug.

If I'm still in so much pain and struggling to breathe on Monday, I think I'm gonna have to go into hospital for a few days, just for some oxygen and IV antibiotics, which always zaps it quicker. My exacerbations have all been so stubborn and lingering, and it's not exactly pleasant. I know this is going to sound pathetic because I've only been feeling sick for just over 48hrs, but I don't want to have to deal with this for weeks on end again. Everything is just pain and discomfort and suffocation.

I know I shouldn't complain because it is essentially self-inflicted. I know I need to cut back/quit smoking, but I just... don't want to. I've actually only had 10 cigarettes so far today (at the moment I've been smoking 30-35 a day) because it just hurts to breathe. I'm still smoking the green stuff because it doesn't trigger coughing fits as much, but overall I'm still smoking less. I guess that's a silver lining?

As far as food goes, yesterday I managed some custard in the afternoon (100), some stew with toast for dinner (158), and a hot Milo before bed (141), and the latter two stayed down. Plus diet soda and coffee I ended the day around 420 cals. Today hasn't been much better, but at least I haven't thrown up yet. I'm thinking of trying an Ensure tonight instead of my Milo to give me a bit more of a boost (Milo is also a nutritional supplement), but it's still more calories (+60-70) and I don't know if I can justify it.

In other news, I started working on a 'Tatters and Rags' skirt the other week. Basically, I keep all of my fabric scraps, and last week I sorted some of them into fabric types and bagged them up separately, and chose some for a new skirt and cut them into various shapes and sizes. Now I'm making a pattern for the actual skirt and the waistband, and then the fabric pieces get sewn on in layers. It's a lot of work but it's pretty easy, and I figure it won't bug the perfectionist in me as much as 'proper' projects do.

For now, I'm going to retreat back to the couch and continue to watch my favourite childhood Looney Tunes movies and other random cartoons and Disney classics because I don't want to have to think or move and nostalgia always makes things better.

The last Tatters and Rags skirt I made, a few years ago.
The new one's going to be mostly made of linen and with a different waistband
A friend of mum's gave us a Rainbow Gumtree seedling.
It's going to be so magical once it's bigger.
Picture from Google
Bill's new favorite spot in the car after his groom



  1. Billy is such a cutie and the gum tree will be amazing when it's larger. Our yard is a bit all for things like that, which is a shame because I adore cherry blossoms. I'm sure the skirt will be amazing when it's finished, the things you make are just lovely. I hope you get better soon xx

  2. My boyfriend's been coughing up his lungs for a week now and he doesn't even smoke, while my mother, who used to be a huge smoker and now *only* smokes about seven a day, is hardly ever sick. So, basically, yes, you're allowed to keep complaining :)

  3. Falling over myself to type this first bit!

    When I was a kid, I obsessively watched the first two Looney tunes movies you mentioned. No-one else I know has heard of them! I wish I could get them on DVD. I loved the Roadrunner one best, I always wanted the carrot house.

    Okay, excitement out of the way. The tatters and rags skirt is a cool concept; I have so many scraps lying around but I doubt I could create something I'd be happy with. I'm glad you're out of the hospital for now; I know it was tough on you the other times and it would suck for you to go through similar experiences again.
    Would it help if you smoked more green over cigarettes? I find it easier on my running if I smoke green over cigarettes.

    That gumtree is going to be beautiful. I want one! My dad used to have a eucalyptus in his garden and it was ginormous. It grew so fast and was constantly waving about in the wind. It was about 20ft tall which is impressive here (considering it's not native!)- it's probably tiny to yours.

    Take care of yourself lovely xxx

  4. Oh, my dear!.... :( I really hope you feel better soon! It hurts me to think that my dear Bella is unwell.
    You never fail to impress me with your sewing work! I wish I were as good as you XD I have bought a new pair of skinny jeans which needs to be shortened to fit me (thanks to my short legs hahah!), and I can't even do it myself!
    I wasn't really interested in trees and gardening until last year. Somehow, I find being surrounded by plants and breathing the smell of soil extremely soothing and therapeutic.

    Get well soon hun!
    thinking of you!

  5. I'm so sorry you're not feeling well!
    Not feeling good is so awful, especially when it has to do with breathing!
    I had bronchitis last year and was coughing up so much grossness and couldn't breathe for days, till I finally had to go to my doctor and get antibiotics to make me feel better, it was the only lung problem i've ever gone through but it was awful!
    I hope the antibiotics and pain meds work for you!

    Also, that skirt you made last year is beautiful! Such a creative idea but doesn't have to be "perfect" like you said. I love it : )

    Oh, and this is a weird home remedy, but I get chronic migraines, and when I get them, I cannot stop throwing up, and I'm allergic to prescription nausea meds and over the counter (pepto bismol) stuff just doesn't work for me, so I discovered putting baking soda (about a teaspoon) into a glass of water (6-8 ounces) and drinking it quickly (not so quickly you make yourself throw up) works really well, it will make you burp when you're done (weird i know lol) but its been the best thing for nausea, and I love that it's natural and not a med, because I am very holistic and love natural remedies.
    I thought I'd tell you about it if you wanted to try it next time you're getting nauseous. Because sometimes pain meds can make nausea even worse, : /

    Alrighty, well this comment is getting to be long enough I suppose lol. Hope you start feeling better and your sewing projects work out well.

    Always here for you

  6. The justification for higher intakes is this: your body literally needs the the kJ to fight the infection. Easy to digest stuff like simple soup and toast and crackers (and ensure!) is great. And I'm going to argue that the smoking/lung trouble is not purely self-inflicted. I bet you your smoking has more to do with coping with big MH stuff, not just "I like it / I don't wanna cut down." Smoking is bad yes but for me it helps make breaks from spiralling thoughts (so I get a little perspective before I act impulsively), helps me feel ok to navigate outside world, and of course it brings down the anxiety for awhile.

    Thanks for comments love. That would hurt like mad but it's a simple design so it wouldn't take too long? Unless you want a complicated one. Then gooood luck.

    I think I might join you in Looney Tunes Land. I need to calm my crazy brain, and work on my knitting. LOVES YOU and sending you the elixir of pulmonary function.

  7. Stay as well as you can dear Bells
    I know how much you don't want to go to hospital
    I was also a 30 a day smoker
    To be honest I miss them like crazy
    I just don't know what to do with my hands any more

    Love you
    Sending you hugs, love, hope and energy across the world x

  8. I'm really sorry to hear that you're not feeling well. Take care of yourself! x

  9. Wait are those trees painted? They don't look real but it seems like you're implying that they're real? I'm confused and probably also very gullible right now.
    Also, I hope you feel better! You seem to get sick a lot, and that's just not fair. You deserve some well days so you can sew and go outside and smile :)

    1. THEY ARE REAL. I also thought they were painted. Waoow.

  10. Dear Bella,

    I hope you see this comment
    I got your card yesterday
    Thank you so so much
    You have no ides how happy I was to get it
    And read your kind words
    You are such a dear friend to me too
    And have been for the past 2 years
    And hopefully will be for many years to come
    I'm not giving up hope on you
    Even if you are
    I will believe in you until you can believe in yourself

    Take care sweet one x

  11. It's hard to convey a sense of being with someone over the web so imagine me quietly sitting there just understanding and giving hugs if that makes sense. I also understand not wanting to give smoking up... I did but I still want one now and then. Sometimes it can just be relaxing. You're in my thoughts and prayers. I love you.