I'm trying to give myself a break on the 'shoulds' because I know I need to be taking it easy. I just want to lie comatose on the couch all day.
Anyway, I saw the GP and my oxygen sats had improved - as high as 96%, so that's good.
The painkillers are helping and I don't think I've been as short of breath as I was last week, so for now I think I can avoid hospital, but it's just taking things day by day. She's still holding her breath, but it's an improvement.
I'm seeing her again next week but she said to call first thing in the morning if I need an appointment beforehand, or to go straight to private A&E if I take a nosedive. I think I'd always wait to see a GP first though, just to make sure I'm not overreacting or imagining it or anything. Even last time I was admitted to hospital, I'd half-convinced myself there was nothing really wrong until I saw my oxygen read below 80%.
It was kinda funny, she hadn't really noticed that my heart rate is always tachycardic, and it was diagnosed long before I met her. She was like "Hmm, your pulse is still over 110", and I told her it's usually around that. She asked if it was just high when I'm sick (meaning infections) and started looking back through my notes, and I told her it's been high since I developed Anorexia. She said "Oh, it's probably a dehydration response for you then", but these days I over-hydrate if anything, drinking between 3-6 liters a day.
Dietician was on Tuesday as always, and we were both slightly stunned; my weight had stayed exactly the same for three weeks running, with not even 0.1kg difference. I weigh my clothes to make sure it's consistent, so it's not just a coincidence. It's weird, but I guess it's less stressful than usual maintenance-fluctuations. Prednisolone always messes with my weight though, so the next few weeks' weights are to be taken with a grain of salt.
I know I need to accept that any more losses at this point will be slow and difficult. It sucks, but at least I'm not gaining.
I'm eating small but regularly. On an average day I'll have a little yoghurt for breakfast (26), a strawberry smoothie for lunch (120), an apple or a few digestive biscuits in the afternoon (50-95), and a hot Milo for supper (130).
Dinner is usually beef & veggie stew with toast (160) or rice with soy sauce (140), or if I feel up to it I'll join in a safe family dinner, something like stir-fry with rice or chicken with steamed potato and veggies (140-160).
Even though it's a lot, it's not quite enough to keep my sugars in the normal range which sucks, so sometimes I need a little more, but I'm managing 500-800 cals most days.
Next week I have three appointments in as many days; the dietician, the mental health nurse, the GP. I practically live there.
I don't have much more to say, so I'll leave you with some photos of my crappy sketches. I haven't felt up to actually sewing, so I've been doing some drawings and trying to figure out the 'tatters and rags' skirt pattern since I'm starting from scratch. Even though I've made these skirts twice before, it's been a 'make it up as you go along' kinda thing and I've never had a proper pattern, so this is the start of one.
Messing around with colored (black, white and gray) pencils
I'll stop boring you all to death now.