Saturday, 19 March 2016

Outing #3

The other weekend I went out for dinner with the family - mum, brother, and his girlfriend. We went to a new Chinese place that just opened a few months ago.

Apart from my stupid manic trip to Melbourne to see the guy who left me unresponsive post-seizure, I went out twice last year. Once for my birthday when we went to Warrnambool, and once in August when we went out for dinner. So far this year I've gone out for dinner once and coffee once (more on that in my next post). I do appointments, I organize smoke, and that's it. I can't even go to the regular supermarket, or for a simple walk around the block.

For entrees (which I unfortunately didn't take photos of), we ordered steamed pork dumplings, vegetable spring rolls, satay chicken skewers, and sesame prawn toast. For mains, we had Mongolian beef, beef in black bean, and stir-fried noodles. I had half a spring roll and half a piece of sesame prawn, plus a little of the Mongolian beef and black bean with rice - plus a good half a bottle of wine.

Things fell apart at the end when, without going into detail, my brother mentioned the name of my abusive ex. I started attacking my arm under the table, and had to cover it with napkins and my coat on the way out. This led to a massive breakdown, resulting in me sitting in the garage with a knife to my throat and taking two weeks' worth of oxazepam, mum threatening to call the police. It was 1am before we got to bed. Needless to say, it was a bit of a disaster. It's not surprising I ended up in ICU the next day.

And just lastly, my lungs are killing me today. Mum and Brother have been sick all week, now it's my turn. So much so that even mum keeps saying I should be in hospital. O2sats were 87% with a fever of 39°c, but I'm freezing, everything hurts, I can't sleep more than a hour before I wake up coughing. Anything sitting in my stomach makes me want to puke.

Right now, all I want is to curl up under an electric blanket with Billy and Misty. If I'm still this bad on Monday, I might try to get into see my GP and get her opinion.

Apologies for the awkward photos. I've misplaced my tripod and remote, and 6'1" is a long way to bend down to take photos of my legs, hence my hair getting in the way. Please excuse my messy study.


  1. I'm so glad you got out Bells
    But so sorry things took a nose dive
    I just don't know what to say anymore
    I think words are futile
    I must say
    I got a shock when I saw the photo of your legs
    I guess I'm used to seeing the top half of you
    And seeing your skinny Minnie pins caught me off gaurd
    And knowing this illness
    It will take that as a compliment
    Which it is not
    It's concern and love and worry
    Hope I didn't offend you there
    I just want you live Bella
    I want you to want to live
    If I could do this for you, I would in a heart beat
    But you just have to do it yourself
    The years are flying by
    And sweetie you don't want to lose your twenties to this cruel illness

    Love you sweetheart x

  2. Sounds like you've caught a nasty bug, I hope you feel better.

  3. outing aye? i'm proud of my little Bells.

    oh, Bells, Bells, Bells. i'm so sorry that he mentioned his name. i am so sorry that it ended up spiralling out of control. and it's sad to see that you're ill again! those O2 sats are pretty concerning + the high fever.

    agreed with Ruby. fully. every word she said.

    honestly, i, too, would somehow help you if i could, but alas, all i could do is cross my fingers. i hope that you're able to breathe a little better soon (pun completely unintended, missy miss.)

    love you so much. take care of yourself. if you feel like you're supposed to be in the hospital, you should be.

    i'm fairly worried about you xx i don't want anything to happen to you, love! you're a treasure.

    -Sam Lupin

  4. I know this isn't helpful, but I'm so afraid for you. You're literally wasting away, I just want to wrap you up in bubblewrap and keep you safe. Sending you so much love and support xoxo

  5. They show the Simpsons at 6pm here too! Have done forever. I am obsessed with the Simpsons, and always feel like I always relate my life back to it in some way. When I was very ill I used to binge watch it, because it was the one happy thing I had. (I think it's a good happy thing :) ) absolutely gutted our team didn't win, but still, I'M GOOD AT SOMETHING!

    Thank you for the comment about the landlord too. It does worry me a lot. He is a good man, but I do worry our relationship is getting bad for both of us. Guess we both need to talk it through...

    I worry about you a lot too. I know we've never met, but I feel like I've got to know you, and I really like you. It does upset me so see you so ill. I know it's probably not helpful to you for me to say that.

    Good on you for getting out of the house! Sorry that it didn't go so well.

    Love you


  6. Yes, please give my email to Mad Cat Lady. She is under no obligation to write, but let her know I'm thinking of her; it would mean a lot.

    (and you are too pretty for words, my lovely)

  7. I'm sorry you were triggered. I hope things turn around for you. Not to sound like a hypocrite and I know this might sound a little scary, but maybe try doing 1 or 2 things outside of the house that don't involve smoking. Like even if its just walking to the end of the block. I don't know if staying in the house is helping much. Just a suggestion. <3

  8. Sorry the outing ended like that- it sounded so promising to begin with. Ruby summed everything else up pretty well, so I'm leaving this here just in case I say something that could be misconstrued.

    *hugs you and never lets go*

    <3 xxx

  9. Ugh, so sorry to hear that your outing ended so badly, but I'm also glad that you went out! I hope the end to the evening doesn't stop you from going out again.

  10. Feel better soon Bella. Love love love you!

  11. I'm so sorry you had such a rough time. I hope you're feeling a bit better now and things start looking up for you! hugs xx