I was having a really rough morning. My mood was rock bottom. I didn't even want to see the dietician because it felt like a waste of her time since I didn't want to talk about food or my weight. Mum urged me to go, and to see my GP, but there's nothing they can do to stop the thoughts.
I gathered myself up and left for the appointment. In the car, I asked mum if she could please sit with me in the waiting room instead of walking me in and leaving me, because I couldn't stop crying and I felt like a fool.
I waited and got more and more anxious by the minute. After 30 minutes passed, the waiting room was filling with people, and one of the receptionists asked mum and I over to the desk.
Obviously, the dietician did not turn up. It took half an hour before they got in contact with her husband, who said she wouldn't be back until the next day. I think it's the first time in the four years I've been seeing her that she's unexpectedly not been in. I asked if she'd be in on Thursday, and I got her last appointment at 6:30pm.
Usually by 6:30pm, I've had my dinner and am winding up my day, but on Thursday, I was headed out to see the dietician. She works the morning on Tuesday, but only afternoon/evening on Thursday, and this was the only appointment she had left.
I didn't get on the scales. We'd already talked about the fact I'd gained a few kilos since my hospital admission, and I told her I really didn't want a gain to be logged. She said I need to weigh soon, I said it's obviously fine (which is not fine with me). We agreed to weigh in on Tuesday morning in two weeks There's no way I'd let her weigh me even at midday, let alone the end of the day.
I've also started exercising again in this past month. The dietician's concerned, and wants me to limit it to no more than four times a week, because I start intending to do just 30 minutes, but it always builds into 60, 90, 120 minute sessions.
And I wanted to say quickly - I was amazed by the response on my last post. I figured it had to be something more than just beating myself up. That's one thing I love about this community - you're never the only one.
Happy long weekend.