Mindfulness and Video Games

I've been making another attempt to get back into gaming. It makes me so anxious to even think about, and I don't know why exactly. But right now I'm finding sewing too stressful to feel good about it, so I'm trying to find another distraction.

I used to be an avid gamer, but not long after I developed Anorexia, I just stopped (like I did with all of my hobbies). I just find it so overwhelming, and I get so obsessive about it (like I do with all of my hobbies). It baffles me how I'm supposed to balance gaming and exercise and sewing and tapestry and blogging and and and...

I have a lot of favorite games from over the years, it's hard to choose a few to name. Part of the reason it's so overwhelming and time-consuming is because there are so many games to play, but I used to play a lot of World of Warcraft, Team Fortress 2, Portal, Morrowind, Monkey Island, Pokemon, Knights of The Old Republic. When my Alienware died a few months back, I was in the process of setting up Heroes of Might and Magic II.

But anyway, this week I started playing Terranigma. It seemed like a 'safe' choice because it's a game I've played countless times over the years, which is less daunting than new content. Offline games are less anxiety-inducing, even though my social life used to revolve around gaming. I've managed to clock up a few hours in the past days, so that's something. I go through phases where I start gaming again, but it never lasts, so we'll see how it goes.


In other news, I saw the mental health nurse yesterday. I feel like a bit of an idiot, but I don't understand Mindfulness. I can't even explain what I find so confusing about it. I don't understand how to be 'mindful'. I just don't get it. She kept trying to give different examples, but I just got more confused. I don't know. It seems a lot more complicated than just "do one thing at a time".

She gave me the name of a CD called Mindfulness Skills, which I bought and downloaded this morning but haven't listened to yet. I'm halfway there. But she wants me to listen to that and practice some exercises with her. She said it can take a while to grasp, but I still felt like a bloody idiot.

I didn't manage to talk much, I couldn't say what I needed to, but my GP had spoken to her and told her that I don't feel ready to do DBT. She said she doesn't want to push me because she knows it doesn't work that way, so we're just going to work on Mindfulness and talking for now. She actually suggested going on walks together, and asked if I get out for walks, and I practically squeaked "I don't leave the house". I don't know if people forget, or they don't realize just how isolated I am.

Just a short post for today... Thank you guys for your feedback on my skirts. Sometimes I think I'm too close to be able to ignore the flaws and appreciate it. Oh well. 

xxBella