This week was my 6-weekly weigh in with the dietician.
I've started being more open with her lately, as our relationship recover's from last year's scale screw-over.
At home, on the Wii, I weighed 46.1kg. At the dietician's office, clothed and full of coffee, I weighed 48.3kg. I figure I'm somewhere in between, so let's say 47.2-ish. The bathroom scales still seem so daunting, so I'm still weighing in on the Wii, but I know I'll have to get on the real scales soon. This time between weighs, I lost 2.0kg.
She asked how I felt about it, and I told her straight up that it was a relief to be further away from the 50kg mark. When she asked if I wanted to lose more, I told her the truth (in my head, I'm planning to start maintaining again in January). She said she'd really freak out if I lost any more with my current BMI. I at least agreed to have two Ensures/Forticremes this week.
However, I've been feeling pretty sick since then, and I've dropped another 1.5kg in two days, putting me around 45.7kg (BMI 13.2). I'm actually going to ask if we can redo this week's weight. It was just horrendous timing that I got sick and dropped further, and I don't want her to freak out.
I've been feeling pretty crappy since Tuesday night, when I woke up vomiting. Since then it's been coughs, puke, aches, chills, fevers, night sweats, and complete exhaustion. It's making a lot harder to eat, even when I want to, even the smell of food makes me want to puke.
My intake has been lower than it's been in a while. The last two days, I've finished the day under 300 cals, despite actually trying to eat more. I tried to have an Ensure last night, but the first sip made me retch. Today I'm going to try to get to 600. I've had an egg and bacon on toast (149), and I made it through a whole Ensure (226). The Ensure took half an hour, but it got down and stayed down. I think dinner's going to be toast/bread, so I should get there today, nausea permitting.
On Thursday I saw my GP. I told her I think I've go a chest infection or something brewing. She asked if I could please try to take the antibiotics that I've practically refused over the last few months. Amazingly enough, I actually had one this morning. Yay.
When she did my OBs, my heart rate was in the 140s just resting. It's rarely below 120 at home. She checked it three times before asking how long it's been since my thyroid was checked. Looking through my records, it's been five years, and she wrote up for my next blood test to include thyroid.
As for the old mental health nurse, who said she'd call but still hasn't? I'm pretty over it all. Again, she said she'd call, and again, I was naive enough to believe her. My GP is not impressed, and is now advancing from phone calls to writing her a letter.
"Honestly, I don't know if I even want to talk to her any more. The only thing I have to say to her is 'Why didn't you call?', both at the start of the year and again now."
She just nodded sadly. My singular good experience with the MH system has been marred by her saying she'd call, but never did (twice!). I mean, why even bother saying it if you don't mean it?
Plans are in the works for getting me back to the new MHN, but the fear is still so strong. I'm talking to the dietician about it on Tuesday, and hopefully it won't be too much longer before everyone's schedules line up so she and my GP can accompany me as they kindly offered.
I think that's about it for today. For now, I think I'm going to spend he weekend on the couch resting and recuperating,