I've been home from hospital for a little over week now. I've been trying for write for a few days, but it took me until this afternoon to even get started.
When The Lung Doctor Man gave me the all clear to go home, he said he'd talk to my GP about increasing my dosage of lorazepam. He told me about how, in the old days, that' why people smoked cigarettes - to deal with their anxiety, the same reason I smoke both tobacco and other things. Then benzos entered the scene, but no, they were bad because they're addictive and you become dependent on them. But, as he said, it's better to be on a higher dose and risk addiction/dependency than be to bee to anxious to function (or smoking to deal with that anxiety).
But when I saw my GP this week for follow-up, she didn't seem too keen to raise my dosages. I had to beg and plead for her to give me a script for PRN oxazepam like I'd had in hospital, just to try for the next two weeks until I see her again, because I feel it'll be a huge help in cutting back my smoking. But she wants me to choose one or the other, lorazepam or oxazepam, because otherwise I'm going to start pushing it with the government. Which sucks, because ideally I know which combination I'd like to try.
Maybe things will change when I start seeing this new psychologist. I was supposed to go with my GP to meet her last week, but due to obvious reasons, it had to be postponed. Now it's set for the 20th. It was going to be this Wednesday, but I'm already booked in for a 3-hour sleep deprived EEG (follow-up on the seizures), and so may not be in finest form by the afternoon, and the week follow it is a MRI (again, because of the seizures).
I also saw the dietician this week. She let me off the hook for weighing for one more week, which I'm thankful for given I was bloated and blocked up since leaving hospital and no longer having IV antibiotics constantly flushing me out.
As for food, breakfast and lunch fell off the cards as soon as I got home, though I'm trying to keep up with lunch, dinner, and two snack. I'm struggling to pick up the supplements again since getting home. In hospital I was at least having a little 150ml Milo with breakfast most days.
I'm slowly settling back into routine at home. I'm really struggling without the extra PRNs, but I'm just taking things one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time.
For now, my focus is just on getting through each day, preferably with the least stress possible. Keep food going in. Try to do some sewing. If I can get through until after dinner without smoking, great. If not, then at least I tried my best, and will move onward and upward tomorrow.
tl;dr, I'm not dead. Thank you guys who checked in.