Sunday, 17 February 2013

I've been on my new meds for over a week now, and the antibiotics have made me horribly ill the entire time. It feels like I have the flu and gastro. We called the lovely GP on Wednesday, and she said to half the dose because my body obviously couldn't handle it. It hasn't really helped, but I see her in a few days.

Anyway, I saw the dietician and my weight was exactly the same as last week (boo). She's asked me to try and eat at least 800 calories every day to keep my strength up, but I'm not really sure. Some days I've been eating that, while other days I'm closer to 500. Higher calories have never helped with my energy levels or physical strength anyway.

Today I'm curled up on the couch in front of the air conditioner, trying to cool myself down. We're in the middle of a heatwave with days of 36 degrees C (97 F) and nights of 24 C (75 F). Apart from the usual risk of heatstroke, I've been running a fever all week anyway. I have Wasted and my media player to keep me distracted, if I can concentrate for long enough.

As for the paroxetine, I think it's too early to say anything. I see the GP on Tuesday afternoon, and she was going to put my dose up if I haven't had any side effects. Mum thinks I need something like olanzapine again, though it hasn't helped recently, so we're going to ask about that.

Sorry for such a boring post. I've done absolutely nothing this week due to feeling ill, but I felt like I should update anyway.



  1. Look at those white legs girl! :P
    I'm sorry you haven't felt good dear. I know how much that ruins any chance of getting out anyway. I hope you get to feelung better though! You've been such a sweetheart to me and it's meant a lot.
    <3 hugs and lots and lots of love!

  2. I find it so hard to see pictures of you so thin and frail
    I just want to hug you and mind you
    I hope that you won't give up
    Something I learned this week is that we are never too far gone
    We are never hopeless
    There is always a second chance for us
    You are beautiful and talented and so loving
    You have so much to offer this world
    I hope you know that

    It's futile to tell you to take care of yourself in the face of this illness but please stay safe

    Your friend as ever,

    Ruby x

  3. You're on so many anti's that i'm's unreal how similar we are sometimes! >< Those legs!!!!!!!!!!! super duper small and as pale as mine! xxx

  4. I'm sorry to hear that you aren't feeling well. Never give up, there IS hope! And I believe that you can get through this. I hope you feel better soon xoxo

  5. Those legs need some muscle. Do you really want to waste your life away and never be remembered for something other than your illness?
    There's no point in sugar-coating my words. Your going down hill. Just think about all the crap your putting in your body for something you have done yourself. It's nobody's fault but your own. It's WORSE than being fat. Fat people can atleast be happy!

    1. That's really not helpful. Bella knows she's slipping, she already feels awful about the effect it has on people around her, and saying it is nobody's fault but her own is untrue, she didn't ask for whatever happened to her in the past to happen to her, people do not chose to starve themselves for laughs. And a lot of fat people aren't happy either, it's not about weight. You probably know that, and saying this to someone who is vulnerable is not helpful and will likely make her feel worse.

    2. Bella Sweetheart, I hope you are holding up, I'll send you a longer message later xxxxx

    3. i dont think anybody in the world chooses to be anorexic just because they wanna be thinner,,,for most of the people it is a way out,an escape and provides a badly neede distraction from all the other stuff which is simply too hard to deal with

  6. hey bella
    you look very pale,,plz take multivitamins regularly
    and your thighs are soo tiny are you still working out to keep them that way or just restricting? i know this being anonymous thing is a nuisance :P as much as i want to start my own blog i just cant bring myself to it,though im an extrovert in daily life im not very good at talking about deeper and personal issues,hey what is your personality type? im an ENTJ
    love and well wishes
    poppy :)

  7. Hey beautiful Bella!
    I hope you're feeling better, I'm sorry your medicine had such a terrible impact on your health :/ Did reducing the dose help ?
    Take care of yourself, and don't forget to drink a lot of water considering the heat!
    Your legs look amazing, I just love your black shorts!
    Love you dearest :)

  8. I hope you feel better soon; look after yourself xx

  9. Hey babe. I'm so sorry I keep disappearing, I'm a terrible person. I'm so sorry your meds are making you feel ill. Well done for at least trying to get to 800 calories, even if some days it is hard, it's the thought that counts.
    I really like your shorts, you have beautiful clothes, almost as beautiful as you.
    I really do love you and care about you. I truly hope you're feeling okay and that your fever goes down again soon.

  10. Sorry to hear about the sickness :( Make sure you're staying hydrated!!
    Pretty sure I would kill for 97*F right now.. It's not even that cold where I am, but I love the heat!

    I hope you can get all your meds squared away soon! Good luck and feel better <3

  11. Aw hope you feel better and get your meds straightened out. =/ Stay safe.

  12. Are you trying torecovery or loose more weight? Hoping that not the last one.. 'Cause You are allready very beautiful! A smaller weight would start being very dangerous for your healt!:(

    Stay strong with what ever you are doing!
    (sorry all the misspellings! I'm from finland :D)