Every day I try to post on here, but it never happens. It takes literally days to put my thoughts into words, to sort them out from a jumbled mess. And when I do, it's like I've nothing to say. Everything feels critical and frenzied, but then there's nothing to be rushing over. I don't know. My mind's just a mess right now.
In appointment news, when I saw the dietician on Tuesday my weight had dropped again, but only slightly. Slightly's good enough for me right now, though I'm getting more and more anxious about not knowing the number. We mostly talked about the lovely GP, though she did ask if I'm getting variety in my diet. I said yes, but I've been thinking about it and I'm really not. I'm eating wholemeal toast, nonfat yoghurt, apples, baked potatoes, sometimes rice, salads, pudding cups, Special K bars... That's about it, but I'm fine with it. It's much easier to deal with than having a thousand options.
Later in the day, I saw the lovely GP. She took me off the antibiotics (no more side effects!), and made a note to not prescribe me the same ones again. We asked her about something similar to olanzapine, so she's started me on a low dose of seroquel, and put my paroxetine up to a full dose. I think I'm at the point where necessity outweighs a lot of my fear of medication. I'm simply not coping or functioning at all right now. I just hope they help soon.
I'm about to chop up some apples for lunch. It's perfect weather lately for fruit, so I've been having a lot of apples. Mum came home the other day with "Early Gold" apples, which is amazing since Golden Delicious (my favourite apple) have been out of season for two months. Then I'm going to stay out of the heat and slug down water all afternoon, which I haven't been drinking enough of lately.
Thank you to everyone who's been reading my rambles. I've said it a million times before, but y'all are wonderful.