Thursday, 20 February 2014

Same old song and dance

I went out to visit my Great Aunt and Uncle yesterday. 
I don't get out to see them enough anymore. My uncle has been doing quite poorly for the past few years, but he's a fighter. By contrast, my aunt is 80 going on 60. She just doesn't act her age.

I made two choc mint cheesecakes, her recipe, and took one over to give to her. Uncle is on supplements only now, and while she still cooks meals for herself, she doesn't do much baking anymore. When I took it into the kitchen, she cheekily announced 'I'll only have a slice if you have one!'
I cut a small slice, about a quarter of what she and mum were having, and picked at it over the course of an hour. I'm honestly not that fond of cheesecake, but I make them for mum every so often. I'm really glad I made one for my aunt though - she told me she hasn't made one for seven or eight years.

It was just wonderful to see them both. I'm not sure if I'd call it my outing for the month, as it was relatively safe, not going out in public. I'm still hoping to go out to the mountains in the next week or so, weather permitting.

Dietician was the day before. An average day seems to have become 500-600 calories, though I drank three nights last week on top of that, pushing my intake up closer to 1,200. Disgusting. I am actually ashamed of myself. I had a few drinks this Tuesday too. No more of that crap this week.

It was the same old routine. She says Ensure and a minimum of 800, I cringe and nod, but already know I have no intention of doing it. The scales crept up a little, but every week she reassures me that it's really no different to a month ago, that she'll always keep me updated if there are any 'trend-forming' losses or gains. I trust her, but I am thinking about weighing myself at home again at some point soon.

Over the weekend, I kicked my exercise up a notch. I've still been doing 1-2 hours of step aerobics each morning, but I've busted out the Wii for the first time in years and am now also doing 30-60 minutes of cardio boxing. As far as I remember, the Wii was the original trigger for my overexercising.

I went hard yesterday, powered by my sugary beverages the night prior and the guilt-filled sliver of cheesecake. I did two hours on the step in the morning, and a little over 90 minutes total of boxing throughout the afternoon. It was my highest calorie burn day in a long time - 1,013 with an intake of 401. I'm taking it easier today. I did just one hour on the step earlier, and I'm aiming for 30 minutes of boxing later.

I'm not much looking forward to the next few months. Trauma anniversaries are like a minefield, dates burnt in my mind, and triggers are everywhere. The best I can do is try to keep myself distracted and not dwell on it too much, but it's always a hard time of year. 
For now, I'll leave you with a few pictures. 

I actually wore something that isn't exercise gear or pajamas for the first time in weeks. Shocking. 

Uncle and I, Christmas 2011. 

My lazy throw-together dinner last night. 74g of iceberg lettuce tossed in 20g of mild salsa, topped with 42g of chicken breast cooked in 2g of burrito seasoning. 71 calories - definitely a new standby. No points for presentation, though. 



  1. That's a cute outfit in your first pic <3 I wish you'd taken pics of the cheesecake though! =3 I would have loved to see it. Next time please? <3 (Ah I'm sorry I just love seeing pics of food that *real* people make)

  2. okay. i love you. that's all. i must tell you this before i even comment or read anything so
    cheesecake. ugh. beforeso, when i saw cheesecake, i HAD to have it. like it was like crack but now, it's just. whatever, man. cheesecake. and mint anything is just...strange. i don't like mint. strange fact about Sam there!
    I hope you do go to the mountains soon! i hope the weather permits and it's nice. ^_^ you deserve a little something, something. x
    shhhhh not disgusting at all. 1200 for me is still relatively a small amount. <3
    how can you exercise that much - that is simply beyond me and keep that low of an intake, especially because exercising makes me starved.
    "The best I can do is try to keep myself distracted and not dwell on it too much, but it's always a hard time of year." there we go. sounds like a plan, beautiful.
    and thin, of course but that is just pointing out that the sky is blue.
    i'd cut off one of my arms for your legs. i'm jealous.
    you're managing to persuade me now a bit. 42g of chicken breast looks pretty good. lazy for you but still pretty for me.
    i hope the guilt isn't so bad now.
    what colour is your hair? for me, it looks very dark red...whatever it is, it's lovely.

    -Sam Lupin
    PS. i love you. i still love you. i may just be obsessed with Bella. yikes. this is maybe why we didn't meet sooner because God knew i'd be obsessive over you.

  3. oh my God i'm eating Nutella right now and i'm just giggling because i remember the story you told me about it and i'm just like *w* Bella

    -Sam Lupin
    PS. i love you.

  4. Love the outfit and I'm in awe of your net intakes you put me to shame!! I'm glad you saw your relatives and it went well, and I hope you manage to get out again without it being too stressful. Love you muchly little starshine xxxx

  5. Gorgeous outfit Bella! I'm glad you had a nice time visiting your family. I don't do a whole lot of baking, but my vegan brownies are pretty popular :)
    It's good to hear you're doing a bit of exercise. I know there is the danger of overexercising, but exercise definitely puts me in a better mood/state of mind so hopefully it's the same for you.
    Remember you're amazing :)

  6. Beautiful outfit dear. And your throw together dinner actually sounds yummy. It's funny that you mention the wii being your trigger for over exercising, because that's exactly how it was for me too. I used to spend hours on the wii a day. I hope you're staying safe. Lots of love miss Bella.

  7. I think you should count getting out and seeing family. You can't overlook the victories, no matter the size. I love you.

  8. I'm a little behind, obviously. Why don't you like going out? Do you have a job or go to school?

  9. You're such a talented baker! It's so wonderful that you made that for your aunt, too. I'm sure she really appreciated it, and I'm sure they both loved seeing you. I think you can definitely count going to see them as getting out of the house. Going to the mountains sounds absolutely lovely, too. I hope you make it there soon. :)

    THAT DRESS. Oh my goodness that dress. It's fabulous.

    Stay safe, love. You have lots of people that care about you. <3 We're all rooting for you.

    --The Dancer

  10. I am so impressed by your workout regime. I only burn a few hundred calories each day because I walk so much to get anywhere. My dedication has slipped and in gaining inches everywhere. Nearly three in my waist now, in two months!! On another note, I hope you can keep your intake up a little. Stability is good for you body, and with your height, your current weight is truly very low. I'm so glad you had an enjoyable mini-outing, and even a bit of cheesecake! I've never been fond of it, but we all song to different tunes. I hope you have a lovely rest of the week, sweetheart. Thank you for the supportive comments!!