Same old song and dance

I went out to visit my Great Aunt and Uncle yesterday. 

I don't get out to see them enough anymore. My uncle has been doing quite poorly for the past few years, but he's a fighter. By contrast, my aunt is 80 going on 60. She just doesn't act her age.

I made two choc mint cheesecakes, her recipe, and took one over to give to her. Uncle is on supplements only now, and while she still cooks meals for herself, she doesn't do much baking anymore. When I took it into the kitchen, she cheekily announced 'I'll only have a slice if you have one!'

I cut a small slice, about a quarter of what she and mum were having, and picked at it over the course of an hour. I'm honestly not that fond of cheesecake, but I make them for mum every so often. I'm really glad I made one for my aunt though - she told me she hasn't made one for seven or eight years.

It was just wonderful to see them both. I'm not sure if I'd call it my outing for the month, as it was relatively safe, not going out in public. I'm still hoping to go out to the mountains in the next week or so, weather permitting.

Dietician was the day before. An average day seems to have become 500-600 calories, though I drank three nights last week on top of that, pushing my intake up closer to 1,200. Disgusting. I am actually ashamed of myself. I had a few drinks this Tuesday too. No more of that crap this week.

It was the same old routine. She says Ensure and a minimum of 800, I cringe and nod, but already know I have no intention of doing it. The scales crept up a little, but every week she reassures me that it's really no different to a month ago, that she'll always keep me updated if there are any 'trend-forming' losses or gains. I trust her, but I am thinking about weighing myself at home again at some point soon.

Over the weekend, I kicked my exercise up a notch. I've still been doing 1-2 hours of step aerobics each morning, but I've busted out the Wii for the first time in years and am now also doing 30-60 minutes of cardio boxing. As far as I remember, the Wii was the original trigger for my overexercising.

I went hard yesterday, powered by my sugary beverages the night prior and the guilt-filled sliver of cheesecake. I did two hours on the step in the morning, and a little over 90 minutes total of boxing throughout the afternoon. It was my highest calorie burn day in a long time - 1,013 with an intake of 401. I'm taking it easier today. I did just one hour on the step earlier, and I'm aiming for 30 minutes of boxing later.

I'm not much looking forward to the next few months. Trauma anniversaries are like a minefield, dates burnt in my mind, and triggers are everywhere. The best I can do is try to keep myself distracted and not dwell on it too much, but it's always a hard time of year. 

For now, I'll leave you with a few pictures. 

I actually wore something that isn't exercise gear or pajamas for the first time in weeks. Shocking. 

Uncle and I, Christmas 2011. 

My lazy throw-together dinner last night. 74g of iceberg lettuce tossed in 20g of mild salsa, topped with 42g of chicken breast cooked in 2g of burrito seasoning. 71 calories - definitely a new standby. No points for presentation, though. 

xxBella