Monotony (& intake June 30)

Today's been okay. Burnt more than I ate again, which is always great. I've been having fairly quiet days lately, usually consisting of coffee, exercising, cooking, eating, grocery shopping, cleaning, and playing Brain Training in my (surprisingly little) spare time. What an exciting life I lead. Yes, I get dressed up to go to the supermarket some days, simply because its the only place I go, and I wanna feel pretty.

Ended up craving ice cream late last night, so I ate it. Ugh. I was out of sugar-free, so I settled for just low-fat :( Gross! Anyway, my average for the last five days (since I saw the dietician) is at a little under 800 now. I'm aiming for 900 average (same as last week), so woo! Sugars are holding up fine, too, even though I've only had one day at or above 800. So that's that theory busted :)

Sorry every post is much of a muchness... I'll do something exciting one of these days, I swear! Picture is of some new notebooks :) I use little ones for intake (as well as a million other places) and day-to-day notes, but I've never seen one with a patterned cover. So numbers it is! :D No idea what I'll use the big one for, but I'll figure it out!

xxBella

Snack: Coffee (4)
Breakfast: Oats with stevia & cinnamon, Vegemite 4 Seed toast, Coffee (156)
Snack: Strawberries with sugar-free chocolate sauce, Coffee (14)
Lunch: Homemade soup, Yoghurt, Coffee (132)
Snack: Coke Zero (1)
Snack: Sweet chilli rice cakes, Coffee (50)
Dinner: Baked potato with mild salsa & FF cheese, Side salad (iceberg & medium salsa), Coke Zero, SF ice cream with animal cookie and caramel topping, Coffee (200)
Snack: SF ice cream with caramel topping & an animal cookie (65)
Snack: Hot chocolate (34)

Total intake: 660 calories
Burnt running: 426 calories
Burnt doing housework: 328 calories
Total burn: 754 calories
Good Day!..

Extra Tall, Extra Small (pictures)

Sorry for more pic-spam >.< I think my legs look okay today, too :)

xxBella

New Tiny Skirt <3 (*pictures!*)

I bought this little size 6 (Australian) waist-high skirt the other day and just tried it on. The belt's on the smallest hole, and I can pull it out at least an inch! Seriously in need of some size 4s, but I've never seen a size 4AU anything, and I'm sure that if they exist they'd be made for 4'1" girls - not 6'1" like me! Any suggestions, girlies?

Feeling thin and confident tonight :) Feels good, man.

'scuse the crappy quality on the first pic, and 'scuse my horrible tobacco stain in the second pic (cutting weed consumption down from 3g a day to 0.15g a day + eating more and all that shit = massive increase in cigarette smoking. Not a bad trade off!)

I am so glad I skipped pizza tonight...!

Today Sucked (& intake June 29)

Today has sucked balls. Seriously. Shrunken saggy lanugo-covered balls. I've been constantly anxious, wanting to throw up, and getting dizzy and shaky when I stand (BSL & BP are fine, though) (yes, I also have a blood pressure machine at home too. Child's cuff - fuck yes :)). So I went for a short run today, and spent the majority of it on the couch (I've been fiending the Brain Training DS games). Boo. I didn't eat as much as I should've, either. Still.

The family were getting pizza for dinner tonight (hence the pic below - from eatingdisordermemes.tumblr). So I speed-cooked up a muffin and soup. The muffin was a good idea - it was tasty enough that I didn't crave pizza. It's a half of a 97% FF Wholemeal English muffin, half a slice of FF cheese, 7g of WeightWatcher's bacon, and an egg white. For 90 calories, though, I'm stoked. So I had that with my soup, and a frozen strawberry yoghurt for dessert. Had supper to avoid any late-night temptations, and I'm still frikkin' under 800. Love it.


Hope you've all had a better day than me
xxBella

Snack: coffee (4)
Breakfast: Oats with stevia & cinnamon, Vegemite 4 Seed toast, coffee (156)
Snack: coffee (2)
Lunch: Vegemite 4 Seed toast, Homemade soup, yoghurt, Coffee (157)
Snack: Sweet chilli rice cake, Yoghurt, Coffee (134 )
Dinner: Wholemeal muffin with cheese/bacon/egg white, Homemade soup, Frozen strawberry yoghurt, Coffee (162)
Snack: SF ice cream w/ chocolate animal cookies & caramel topping, Coffee (101)
Snack: Hot chocolate (34)

Total intake: 744 calories
Burnt running: 213 calories
Burnt doing housework: 121 calories
Total burn: 334 calories

Doctor Week

I hate the weeks that are filled with doctors. They're the worst, and I'm damn lucky to make it through them without hospital. Next week is one of those.

I'm seeing my dietician on Tuesday morning, which I don't mind. I'm paranoid I won't lose more weight, and I need to if I want to be comfortable with a higher intake. I averaged 900 last week, and lost. I'm under this week, but I need to get it up. I wish I knew how much I lost last week, so I'd know how much wiggle room I have. If I lose again, I think I'll weigh myself before my intake goes up. It might be the worst thing I could do at the moment, but I'd want to know what I was before I started maintaining. I'm going to try to get my intake to average out at 900 again, maybe even higher, but I'll see how I go.

Thursday is the GP. The idiot GP. She throws 'Doctor' in front of her first name. 'Oh, hi, I'm Dr Cath'. No. Just no. Anyway, that'll mean blood tests. Which means going back. Probably for more blood tests. Last time I saw her, it was a Monday and I needed bloods, and to come back Wednesday. Wednesday, more bloods, come back Friday. Friday I could barely walk. And I went off to hospital. Hell no. I also need a new Implanon put in. Those cool little birth-control arm implants. My arm is thin enough that it sticks out - you can see the whole thing. So that'll be fun. Picture included - sorry for the shitty lighting.

And Eva is calling at some point. Let me tell you, I've been seeing psychs non-stop since I was 12. Eva is the only one who's ever helped me, and ever cared. She is this tall woman with brilliant hair and a constantly concerned expression and a thick Russian accent. She reminds me a bit of Dr V in Sucker Punch. I just want to break down and cry to her. She cares. She can help. But I don't need it. Mum's going to politely inform her what my GP said to me, making me believe I don't need help. Again, it will be interesting.


Ugh. Kill me now.

No idea what to title! (& intake June 28)

Today's been up-and-down. My GP called when I was cooking dinner, and spoke to mum. Dr-Doesn't-Give-A-Shit called my ED psych, who is calling us next week. Mum's said she'll tell her why I'm not so interested in therapy anymore (because of the GP), and try to see if we can have her in the background. Doubt it. It'll be interesting, though. Thank God I can't be ITO'd over the phone (I hope...). So fucking scared of ITOs. Two in less than a year is enough to last me a lifetime, thanks.

I've been pretty good (AKA, naughty with a slightly low intake) the past few days, so I treated myself a little tonight (though stayed under 800 again... Fuck yes!). I had my potato with salsa & cheese, several nachos on the side, and a salsa salad! Dinner still came in under 200 (I waited a little for dessert), which is amazeballs. Then I made myself a slightly extravagant dessert that consisted of SF ice cream, crushed up vegan chocolate animal cookies, and caramel topping :) Never had it before, but I will again! Best combination of (semi-)safe foods ever. Feeling yucky and full, but I'm only at 700 :) The bonus is I'll be able to prove that <800 won't make my sugars plummet.

This is day three at 700-750, and I'm fucking fine (...I'm fucking fine on 50 until I hypo :(). I might play around a little lower, but I really want to average 900 (like last week) so I can see if I lose more on this much. I don't want to fall into the pattern of my calories dropping continuously. I'd like to know I can eat 1,000+ and maintain on some days, and restrict on others to lose weight, depending how I feel day-to-day. I need to get my intake up. I need to stay out of hospital. If that means I only lose half a kilo a month, I don't care.

Much love to you all, as always
xxBella

Snack: coffee (2)
Breakfast: WW oats with Stevia & cinnamon, Four Seed toast with WW canola spread & Vegemite, Coffee, Apple, Oolong tea (134)
Snack: Coffee (2)
Snack: Strawberry Smoothie (30)
Lunch: Homemade soup, FF yoghurt (130)
Snack: Apple muesli, coffee (79)
Dinner: Baked potato with mild salsa & FF cheese, Side salad (iceberg & Medium salsa), Corn chips with mild salsa & LF cheese, Coke Zero, Coffee (199)
Snack: SF ice cream with crumbled vegan chocolate animal cookies & caramel topping, Coffee (129) (I know this is a weird one, but it was totally worth it)

Total intake: 707 calories
Burnt running: 426 calories
Burnt housekeeping: 215 calories
Total burn: 641 calories

Another great day (& intake June 27)

I ran for a full hour this morning, which was brilliant. I'm struggling with my intake, though. I know I should get to 1,000 each day, and 800 on 'low' days, but I feel like I'm just shoveling things in to get my intake up, but I want to stick with the Plan so I can find out where my intake should be to lose slowly... Struggling. I'm still eating fairly clean, though. A lot of tea & coffee, wholegrain bread, oats, soup, yoghurt, potato, salads, rice cakes and muesli seem to be my focus. I'm not eating as much fruit as I'd like, but the only chocolate I'm eating is (measured, obviously) Milo and Nutella. One week chocolate-free, woo hoo! Also, cakes and baked goods don't pop up often (when they do, they're mini-muffins), and my ice-cream is low-fat and sugar-free. So I think I'm doing okay. Eating clean and training mean to stay lean!

I'm still shocked I've lost weight in the past week, but certainly not complaining. If I can keep this up (or at least not gain) for a few weeks, I'll be stoked. Then I can restrict less severely, keep my sugars up, avoid some health issues, and lose weight at my own pace (which isn't too fast, considering I don't have that much to lose). I always ate less than 50 cals a day, up until last November when I started having hypoglycemia issues. Then I upped it to 200, but still had issues, hence my high-cal days. I'm so uncomfortable with my intake at 800-1,000, but I know it's the only way to avoid hospital and the dickhead psychiatrist. If I can keep puttering on with losing weight, so much the better.

My dietician challenged me to eat different foods for dinner, and one of the things I came up with was a chicken teriyaki omelette. I used to eat these every night. 1/4 cup egg whites, spring onions, and chicken (38.6g tonight) cooked in teriyaki sauce. So there. It fell apart tonight so it was scrambled ;) Had it with a pork dumpling and tiny bit of plain lettuce (could've done with more lettuce). Nom. Even with ice-cream, dinner was still under 200. About to have my frozen yoghurt, then a big hot chocolate :3

Sorry for the long ramble. Again. Cute Disney picture for today (nabbed from their FB). Love to all my friends on here - we're lost, but at least we're not alone <3

Snack: Coffee (4)
Breakfast: WW oats with Stevia & cinnamon, Four Seed toast with WW canola spread & Vegemite, Coffee (156)
Snack: Coffee (2)
Snack: Sweet chilli rice cake, Nut muesli bar, Coffee (107)
Snack: Coffee (2)
Lunch: Homemade soup, FF yoghurt (130)
Snack: Coffee, Apple muesli bar (77)
Dinner: Egg white & spring onion teriyaki scramble, teriyaki chicken, Pork dumpling, Lettuce, Coke Zero, SF ice cream with Milo, Coffee (188)
Snack: Frozen strawberry yoghurt (28)
Snack: Hot chocolate (34)

Total intake: 728 calories
Burnt running: 853 calories
Burnt doing housework: 164 calories
Total burn: 1,017 calories