I had my appointment with the dietician yesterday, and most of it was spent discussing the issue of exercise. I told her that the thoracic physician wants me to start exercising, and that I wasn't totally comfortable with the idea because of my history with compulsive overexercising.
"What does he mean by 'exercise'? Walking?"
"Yeah... But when I said that I don't leave the house, he asked if I had an exercise bike or a treadmill."
Her face dropped "Oh."
She asked what I'd said to him about the overexercising, and I'd said nothing. I doubt he'd have understood.
She thinks that while exercising may help my lungs, it'd be detrimental to my health in the bigger picture. I need to be able to make up for the calorie deficit, and at the moment I just can't do that. My weight would drop further if I start exercising, and it'd cause more harm than good. She wants me to be eating at least 1,500 (*gasp*) calories before I can exercise at all, and even then it'd need to be heavily supervised. She's going to discuss it with my GP to get her opinion too, and then the GP will discuss it with the physician, but it's not looking likely.
As for my intake, it was a bit better this week with the help of Ensure. Some days I drank it, some days I just couldn't. Overall I had three days at 1,000 calories, and the other days were between 600-900. She weighed me, and I'd maintained. Back in her office she started talking about how my weight needs to be going up, though I'm still avoiding that like the plague. Little steps.
I'm still struggling to have much variety in my foods. I'm in a routine, and the world of food is just so daunting. I eat the same meals everyday, though I've been attempting to challenge myself once a day, usually dinner, with mixed success. Last night I joined in pasta, and I also had a glass of wine. Tonight I'm cooking dinner for mum and I; a stir-fry with chicken, green beans, carrot, red capsicum (bell pepper) and onion, served with rice. Simple, fresh, easy to weigh and measure. It's not enough to not need Ensure, but it's a start.
Next week I'm back to the GP. I think the higher Seroquel dosage is actually starting to help. I don't feel great, but I feel different, like the mania's finally drawn to a close. Something's changed.
Thank you to everyone who's been reading and commenting. You guys are seriously amazing for putting up with me and my ramblings.