The appointment with my GP was a total loss. The appointment you have when you're not really having an appointment. I was feeling so flat and down, I couldn't bring myself to talk. I slumped in my chair, stared straight down and fought off tears the entire time.
She asked about the physician, smoking, exercise, self harm, medication, even things like sewing. I couldn't say more than one or two words answers. It's not that I didn't have anything to contribute. I had things I needed to say, but I just couldn't talk. Mum answered some things for me, but I can barely remember what either of them said, and I couldn't give my input, so I won't bother trying to recall any of it here.
Near the end she asked if I was tired, or upset with her, or what was going on. I shrugged, and could feel the tears about to leak out. She said it was the quietest she's seen me, not that I'm usually overly chatty anyway. I made it out to the car and broke down into fat, sobbing tears. We got home, and I still couldn't stop crying. I told mum that I just couldn't talk, that I just felt so low, I couldn't talk. It sounds so stupid, I know, but that's all it was. I got nothing out of the appointment, it's like I didn't even go, and I feel awful for wasting my GP's time. We called and booked another appointment this Friday for a do-over.
The appointment is a prime example of what my week's been like. Few words, lots of tears.
I don't even have much to say about my intake. It's so routine, eating mechanically, and with Ensure I'm hitting my goal most days. I've had one day this week fall significantly short at 700 cals. The rest have been in the 900-1,050 range, and nothing much to talk about. Dinner is still the only variable, and that's only some nights, my other meals haven't changed at all. I'm cooking (and eating) family dinners maybe 3 nights a week now, the other nights I just pull soup out of the freezer.
Since I'm struggling for words, have some pictures. This is a stir-fry I made for the family last night. Chicken breast, carrots, green beans, red bell pepper/capsicum, onion, sauces and an impressively tiny 2 grams of olive oil to cook it all in. It was so bright and colorful. We were a little short on beans, but oh well.