The dietician was lovely this morning, as always. She's far too kind and patient with me. I reached the 1,000 calories goal one day this week. Every other day was between 600-750.
On Saturday I planned my meals with mum, and ate 1,020 calories. It was too much to handle, mentally and physically, and the next day my intake was back down. The dietician asked what was making it so hard, and I don't really know. I just don't have any motivation to eat outside of my routine, and even that's too much to handle some days. She knows I'm not in a good place mentally, asked if I'm still taking my meds, reminded me I can come back on Thursdays if my intake's failing.
She's given me another week with the same goal, 1,000 calories minimum each day, though a new approach. It's time to dig out the tin of Ensure powder. There's no excuses for not reaching 1,000 this week, and if I don't, I don't know what else to do.
She weighed me right at the end, and I was exactly the same as last week. Which begs the question: why the hell do I need to eat more if I'm already maintaining? I know there's more to it than that, and that my weight doesn't maintain long term on this intake, but it's still set a doubt in my mind.
I finished sewing my dress yesterday. It's beautiful. Why are there no pictures, you ask? Because it doesn't fucking fit. It's an inch or two too big. It's enough that it looks and feels obviously too big on me. Now, I had the same problem with my coat, but at least I can wear layers under it, and it still squished onto my dress form because of the looser fit. But this dress? It's too big for me, too small for my dress form.
It's a size 6 AU. There are a few patterns available in size 4 (which I'm still yet to see in shops)... maybe 0.5% of the catalogue, and they're all very basic, but I refuse to sew another size 6. It's frustrating to put so much time, effort and money into a project just to have it not fit, when that's the whole reason I started sewing again.
Now I'm looking into buying a smaller dress form, since the one I have is currently useless to me (size 8+). Mum suggested I could simply gain enough weight to wear the dress, hah. No. Even if/when I do gain, I doubt I'd wear it anyway, because I'd have to keep gaining past a size 6. One day it'd fit me, the next it wouldn't, and that's just depressing.