Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Small Steps, and New Skirts

I saw the dietician yesterday, after my first week on 1,300 calories. Physically, I haven't really noticed a difference from the increase. I haven't changed my meal plan, Ensure still makes up the rest. Mentally, I'm struggling. I haven't consumed this much, this often for years. I hate seeing the numbers this high, but I know I don't have much choice. My intake was between 1,260-1,290 this week (400-600 Ensure), and miraculously enough, my weight didn't go up alongside my calories. 

I managed to talk with my dietician more than I have been lately. I told her that my only real motivation for raising my calorie intake is because my GP's making me panic. I explained how she was asking all these questions about past weight restoration, and said she was concerned about my weight dropping (which it isn't) and my BMI. She thinks my GP's just concerned about the losses I had in the first half of the year, and because I've kept it off. She asked if I'd be willing to gain back a few kilos, and I felt sick with dread. I know that a year ago I was maintaining a slightly higher weight and I was okay with it, but after having lost those 3-5kg, I can't bear the thought of gaining it back. 

She was just lovely and kind, and tried to make me feel less stressed about my GP when I was completely panicking. She thinks there should be less reason for concern because my intake's increasing again, which was a relief to hear. I also told her about the whole mental health nurse thing and how stressed it's been making me, and she said she doesn't think it needs to be rushed, so hopefully my GP won't mind my rearranging the appointment either (I haven't seen her to find out yet).

I also wanted to get her opinion on exercise, so I told her about my lung check-up, and she was shocked that he's still suggesting using a treadmill or exercise bike for an hour everyday. She said that when I do start exercising again, it'll be building up slowly, like five minutes a day or a few short walks each week. She still wants my intake a bit higher first, but she's going to talk to my GP about it again so we can figure out a balance between improving my lung capacity versus the risks of potential weight loss, injuries, overexercising etc., and start planning how to work towards it. 

I haven't been sewing much this past month, but I have managed to slowly put together a few (very simple) projects. They're nothing fancy, but they're practical. I made a couple of plain cotton circle skirts (pictured), for the approaching 40°c days when it'll be too hot to wear much else. I've also made two pairs of track pants, which are hideously plain and boring so there's no photo, but they fit perfectly and are so warm and comfy.

I think that's about it for now. Sorry I haven't had much to say lately, but if I did it'd only be complaining about my mood.

I hope you're all managing to get through the week in one piece. 



  1. cute skirt. :) I wonder if using metric makes the weight goals seem so much harder to reach. I mean if we were talking a couple of pounds it would be reasonable. I don't know. Baby steps is what I need to make a real change.

  2. Cute skirt! And I'm so glad the visit with the dietitian was much better than the GP visit. You're doing really well, don't panic & you'll be fine:) despite what most people think, gaining weight is NOT easy and in fact can be downright terrifying. Just stay strong and take care!

  3. I'm glad she's being so understanding! That sounds like it would be awesome to have someone that positive in your life

    Ah I'm sorry I still can't get over the fact that you can sew... that's just so amazing XD

  4. Happy to hear the dietician was ok. Its always good to know a member of your team is seeing your side of things and working to find solutions!

    The skirt is lovely, as all your sewing is.

    I hope everything goes well and to see more of your sewing projects soon! I think you should consider it as a self-employed job in the future. Maybe have on online store? I'd definitely be one of your top customers (as long as you don't mind working with a splash of pink ;-)

    Take care love. Stay positive.

  5. Hi hon, thanks for the support. It's true, but today I was blessed with class and work being cancelled, so there's a small break to get things done. I'm happy you've been sewing, that's so cool. I don't want to sound like a know-it-all or anything, but your dietitian seems right about exercising slowly once you get to that point again. If you followed Lung Doctor Guy's advice, you'd be passing out all over the place. Also, the lack of muscle mass wouldn't really support you. Your little legs need something to push you through an hour of cycling or whatever he was suggesting. Take care hon. I have my dietitian appointment Friday, so we'll see how that goes. <3

  6. I think it's really really great that you've kept up the intake. I know that the idea of gaining weight is scary but you should just open up a little crack in the window, maybe think about it a little? :)
    Your skirts are cute! I love you and I'm thinking of you hun. Eat more before you work out. You need glycogen stores and if you don't have any you can't work on your lungs. Who does cardio anyway? :P

  7. Bella you seriously need to start a sewing blog with tutorials and such! This skirt is so cute and simple! I love it!
    Thanks for your comment earlier. Things are a bit better. Emailing my therapist today (I know she had good mind just can't take the way she phrased everything).
    Your dietician sound like a really nice person. Seems like she was able to ease your mind a bit about everything that is going on with your GP, so I am happy to hear that :)

  8. Sorry for the late comment - I love the skirt :) And I'm glad the dietician isn't panicking as much as the GP is and that she managed to calm you down a bit. Oh you could make a nightsky skirt and do arty skirts - like make that black skirt in deep deep blue and sew on some silver stars, a moon and some sequins or something. I would totally pay for a starshine skirt lol. I love you to the moon and back, keep going, I'm always on facebook if you want to vent or just chat, I always love hearing from my bella boo xxx

  9. Bella you are honestly amazing at sewing. I just love the skirt... Wish I had your talent xD I think Jade's idea is great. Have you ever thought about making a blog on sewing and posting tutorials? :) if you did, I think I will visit it all the time xD cos I really wanna learn. It would be awesome to be able to make your own clothes...
    I'm glad that you have a good relationship with your dietitian.
    A lot of people think that gaining weight is soooo much easier than putting on weight. Which is quite true, but for eating disordered people it can be much more complicated.. You are doing so well though. Well done on increasing your calories to 1300! You are amazing :)
    I think it's actually a good thing that your weight hasn't increased just yet. It must mean that your body needs all that extra calorie. Also if your weight went up straightaway, then I think it would make the whole recovery thing way too stressful for you.
    Stay strong and keep fighting hun.
    Thinking of you
    xx <3