Small Steps, and New Skirts

I saw the dietician yesterday, after my first week on 1,300 calories. Physically, I haven't really noticed a difference from the increase. I haven't changed my meal plan, Ensure still makes up the rest. Mentally, I'm struggling. I haven't consumed this much, this often for years. I hate seeing the numbers this high, but I know I don't have much choice. My intake was between 1,260-1,290 this week (400-600 Ensure), and miraculously enough, my weight didn't go up alongside my calories. 

I managed to talk with my dietician more than I have been lately. I told her that my only real motivation for raising my calorie intake is because my GP's making me panic. I explained how she was asking all these questions about past weight restoration, and said she was concerned about my weight dropping (which it isn't) and my BMI. She thinks my GP's just concerned about the losses I had in the first half of the year, and because I've kept it off. She asked if I'd be willing to gain back a few kilos, and I felt sick with dread. I know that a year ago I was maintaining a slightly higher weight and I was okay with it, but after having lost those 3-5kg, I can't bear the thought of gaining it back. 

She was just lovely and kind, and tried to make me feel less stressed about my GP when I was completely panicking. She thinks there should be less reason for concern because my intake's increasing again, which was a relief to hear. I also told her about the whole mental health nurse thing and how stressed it's been making me, and she said she doesn't think it needs to be rushed, so hopefully my GP won't mind my rearranging the appointment either (I haven't seen her to find out yet).

I also wanted to get her opinion on exercise, so I told her about my lung check-up, and she was shocked that he's still suggesting using a treadmill or exercise bike for an hour everyday. She said that when I do start exercising again, it'll be building up slowly, like five minutes a day or a few short walks each week. She still wants my intake a bit higher first, but she's going to talk to my GP about it again so we can figure out a balance between improving my lung capacity versus the risks of potential weight loss, injuries, overexercising etc., and start planning how to work towards it. 

I haven't been sewing much this past month, but I have managed to slowly put together a few (very simple) projects. They're nothing fancy, but they're practical. I made a couple of plain cotton circle skirts (pictured), for the approaching 40°c days when it'll be too hot to wear much else. I've also made two pairs of track pants, which are hideously plain and boring so there's no photo, but they fit perfectly and are so warm and comfy.

I think that's about it for now. Sorry I haven't had much to say lately, but if I did it'd only be complaining about my mood.

I hope you're all managing to get through the week in one piece. 

xxBella