Dinner's becoming a problem again. I've been having soup most nights, in an attempt to keep stress levels down. There's a mechanical routine to my other meals that dinner lacks; the same breakfast every morning, two different lunches on alternating days, two different snacks on alternating days. Dinner's different, especially since I started cooking family dinners again, and sometimes it's just too much.
Saw the dietician this morning. I went in teary-eyed and can barely remember what we talked about. It means a lot to me that she still sees me every week, even when I'm not making any progress. At the moment I just don't feel able to change my food routine, and I'm still maintaining my weight and drinking my Ensure, so I don't see what the problem is.
I've been on my new antidepressants (Zyban) for nearly three weeks now, and I'm seeing my GP again later this week. Depression's taken over every part of my day. I don't feel able to do much at all, I'm constantly crying for no reason. The most I leave my armchair is when mum takes me out for a drive to distract me and calm me down, like a child.
I did start sewing some track pants over the weekend, after three weeks of doing nothing. It's not much, but it's something.
Next week's my quarterly check-up with the thoracic physician (aka, the lung doctor man), and I'm dreading it. I've been chain smoking a lot, mostly due to depression and the inactivity it's caused. Over the last 3 months, I've gone from averaging 30 cigarettes a day up to 40-45, some days are as high as 50. I also have to explain why my dietician doesn't want me exercising, which could be interesting.
I can't believe it's November already. Where did the year go?
P.S, good luck to those of you doing NaNoWriMo this year, as I know there's a few of you (I'm hoping to get back to it next year).