When I saw her this week, she immediately asked if my chest was okay. It's uncanny how she can tell just by looking at me. I told her about the back pain, and after some discussion she thinks it's from some joint in my spine. I can't remember what it was called, but she showed me on the little anatomical model. She said it's 'referred pain' from my lungs, which is why it hurts the most when I breathe deeply or cough.
"Like when your left arm hurts when you're having a heart attack", she said
Painkillers don't help with this sort of thing, but I kinda figured that out when the 60mg codeine + paracetamol she gave me last time didn't make any difference. There's no position I can get in to that makes it hurt any less. So now I'm on an anti-inflammatory and hopefully that'll start helping soon, but for now I'm spending a lot of time horizontal on the couch.
Apparently physiotherapy would help alleviate the pain quicker. I can't stand being touched at the best of times, and to make it even harder, the physio is a man. I could see a woman, but that would involve going somewhere that isn't my safe little clinic, and that's just not an option right now.
She offered to show me where his office was and offered to introduce me, which I panicked at. She does her best to accommodate my anxieties, which means a lot to me. She still lets me wait in an unoccupied office if the waiting room's busy, and she's the only doctor who's never pushed me. She said the physio wouldn't have to touch me at the first appointment, that I'd only have to move my shirt up a few inches, or that it could even be done through a light t-shirt. I said I just wanted to think about it, but the more I think about it, the more impossible it seems.
She wants to leave me on the new antidepressants for a few more months and see if they start to help. I just nodded and said nothing. I'm too tired to care. It's not like they'll try me on anything new until I can get to the psychiatrist anyway. She still thinks I need to work on my 'thought processes' with the mental health nurse, which I don't disagree with, but the MH nurse has been causing more stress than not. She's in the middle of a six week break, so more on that another time.
I wore my Tatters and Rags skirt on Tuesday to show both my dietician and GP, since I first told them about it months ago. I wore a light skirt underneath for when I had to get on the scales. The thought of getting weighed in such a heavy skirt made me panic.
She set me a couple of goals this week. She doesn't want my intake to get below 400 (even though some days I manage as high as 800 cals), and she wants me to eat breakfast or lunch each day, or at least a snack by midday. The earliest I've managed this week is a small snack at 1pm. Most days I haven't been eating before 3pm (I wake up around 5am). It delays one stress in my day, at least.
She asked if it would be easier to eat the same breakfast everyday so I wouldn't have to think about it, and I couldn't help but laugh. She should know how routinely I eat by now. I'd been eating the exact same breakfast everyday for two years, up until about 8 months ago. Every morning I'd have a small (20-25g) slice of wholemeal bread, toasted and spread with Vegemite, and 60g bowl of nonfat strawberry yoghurt for a total of 85-95 cals. Before that, I'd sometimes have oatmeal and/or fruit. Earlier this year I started just having the yoghurt, no toast, but I haven't even had that for months.
|The kids skirt I bought in Warrnambool|
I got my oximeter in the post on Friday. My GP recommended I get one some months ago but I hadn't gotten around to it. Now I have the full set - thermometer, blood pressure machine, glucometer and oximeter.