Sunday, 9 November 2014

Warrnambool and the Cheese Factory

This week, I went on a day trip down the coast to the cheese factory. After my routine appointment with the dietician on Tuesday morning, mum and I set off for the two and a half hour drive to Warrnambool.

It's the fourth or fifth time we've gone to the cheese factory in the last couple of years. They have an amazing range of cheddars, and we usually come away with disgusting amounts of their vintage (this time we got 5kg/11lb) We ran out of our last haul four months ago, but this week was the first time mum could get me to agree to a day trip.

I wore my hair down for once, and everyone at the clinic commented on it. Back in the car, I swept it back up into a comb. Safe.
The dietician hadn't had time to ask the pharmacist about powdered supplements last week. She said she saw a few products online but didn't like the looks of them, so I don't think it's worth checking myself.

After two and a half hours in the car, we reached our destination. We went to Lincraft and I got to look around at all the pretty fabrics. I can't tell you how many years it's been since I've actually been into a fabric store.

We got into town and had lunch. I had quiche lorraine with salad, and the thing was huge (picture below)! I barely made it through half, and picked most of the pastry off because it was soggy and not worth the calories.

Then we looked around Target, with the intention of looking for a Christmas gift for my brother. The only thing I found was for myself, when I was browsing through the clothes section, and a comfy-looking plain black skirt caught my eye. I went over and started shuffling through the hangers for a 4 or 6, and I said to mum "What the hell's a size 9?"

I looked at the tag and realized I'd wandered across to the children's section. I felt like a bit of an idiot, but I picked out a 12, held it up against me, and decided it'd be long enough. Bonus - it was on clearance.
(Fun fact: when I was 12, I was already 5'10"-5'11", and obviously out of children's clothes. I'm 6'1" now)

I never try on clothes anymore. I hated it when I was younger, and when I developed AN I just stopped. I started trying on clothes at home and exchanging or returning them if needed. It's not that I find it overly upsetting, just needlessly tedious and time consuming I guess.

I had a look at the map I'd printed out, with six op shops marked. Even though I only made it to one before I panicked, it was okay. I got a little leather pleated miniskirt (well, fake leather), but that was it.

We had to walk through a small shopping center to get back to the car, and I started panicking. I would freeze for a moment, slowly moving forward again when I realized I could not in fact will myself to disappear. Mum offered to go get the car and pick me up, but the thought of standing there by myself was even more terrifying.

Once we reached the car I started crying and rambling and was a total mess. I spent over an hour in breakdown mode, pulled over on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere. I had an extra lorazepam, making four for the day instead of one or two.

We stopped for the cheese on the way back out of town, but I couldn't bring myself to go in. I curled up with my blankets and counted the minutes until we got home. It was a long day. We ended up getting home at 6pm, after leaving to see the dietician at 8am.

So that's my 7th outing for the year. I figure I might have time for one more before school holidays start, but we'll see.

I didn't take many photos when I was out, but I took some of the (fake) leather skirt yesterday. I was going to take some of the other skirt but I just didn't have the energy. Please excuse my messy study. 

Unfortunately it's a little short to wear without a long coat.
It's okay from the front, but I'm a little... cheeky from the back.

Fishnet, leather and lace. Feeling quite feminine here.



  1. That skirt! Oh, to be able to wear something like that! You look, as always, amazing.

    re: I'm going to form a little cabal of women in Paris who walk around in high heels that go clack.clak against the cobbled stones of Quartier Latin and who wear sleek coats and equally sleek gloves. It's going to be brilliant. We're four so far!

  2. I'm sorry Bella
    I can't say you look amazing
    The skirt is beautiful
    And you are too
    But you look so thin and frail it frightens me
    I am glad that you got to go out for the day with your Mum
    She is an angel
    Just like mine
    I remember the last time you went to the cheese factory
    Was that a few months ago?
    I hope it felt good to get out and about
    Even with the meltdown
    You broke through your illness today
    And were Bella
    The fun, flirty, fun loving, fabulous young woman that you are
    You know Bella, you are one of those people where the sky is the limit
    You are super talented and smart
    You make amazing clothes
    And to top it all
    You are just a really sound person

    Sorry for this rant
    You know that I love and care about you so much
    And this comment was written with nothing but well wishes for you

    Ps, Have you heard from Millie/Eloise lately?
    She seems to have fallen off the radar?

    All my love sweetheart x

  3. Oh. Mmmm...cheese. I used to love eating tons in one go but I kinda lost my love for it and I can only take little bits of it at one time. Especially with cheddar, because it's so strong. I can eat quite a lot of Brie though, I just need it cut into small pieces. Is there a difference between normal and vintage cheddar?
    You look beautiful with your hair down! Your hair itself is beautiful, like you. Everyone's hair is beautiful except mine. I wish I could dye my hair, but that would just make it fall off more.
    "What the hell's a size 9?" just cracked me up. Maybe get your mother to head to one of the larger Target stores? They usually stock every size - when I was in Australia I went through three Target stores before I found the pink sweater I loved in my size. But wow...5"10 when you were twelve?! That's quite an early age to grow at. (thinking about it again not really. But I've never met anyone that tall and especially not a twelve year old - you must have looked stunning.)
    I've always found trying on clothes tedious even when I love the clothing. I hate shopping trips :P even though I tend to find something I like in the end (whether I can buy it is another question though)
    I'm sorry you had a breakdown - but on the bright side you went out today and you should be proud of yourself for being so brave to do so. I'm so happy for you. You don't like all the kids during the school holidays right?
    Your study isn't messy. If you only saw my room...(the rooms I usually take photos in are either the bathroom or my parents' room)
    You look beautiful in that outfit. Very statuesque. I hate being stuck in the middle - I wish I were either as tall as you are or as petit as Kay is.
    Re your comment (since I don't have much to talk about just yet so I'd be posting tomorrow/Tuesday and I don't want to keep you waiting, and I fucking forgot to weight myself this morning): Oh, I never though I'd meet someone here who likes MCR! I'm fairly new by their standards I'm afraid - I've been listening for around four years? This is my favorite album :P
    It didn't - I still had quite a lot of fun.
    Halloween isn't popular there? Oh :( I don't watch horror movies though. The closest I've come to would be Rocky Horror and that hardly counts. Ah...junk food. I actually didn't have much junk on Halloween because of my rashes - which have nearly totally healed now!
    There are quite a few school counselors, none of which are reasonable or understanding. I've had experience with most over the years due to bullying and several teachers being under the impression that I was starving myself/cutting. (Okay, I was starving myself back then. But just because I skipped lunch for one day doesn't give them reason to accuse me of that.) The teachers see my friend's cuts but they ignore it. I know a few teachers who care though and I might talk to them - even though Bree may hate me forever. That girl knows how to hold a grudge.
    Thanks for the info on red meat. I don't eat meat much - I had a "meat-loving phrase" when I was around 10 or 11 and I got sick of it a few years back when I started weighing myself daily. Chicken is the exception - I like chicken. Still not too much though.

    Well that was one hell of a comment. Have a cookie if you managed to read through all that. *hands out virtual cookie*


  4. Congratulations, Bella! That was a LONG outing. You did really well with being in public and even going shopping! The quiche does look tasty, but too bad the crust was soggy. Your legs are seriously a mile long, wow! I can't imagine being your height at 12 years old. I'm pretty darn short haha, coming in at 5'3. I stopped growing about 12 or 13. The skirt is quite lovely, and you are ROCKING the feminine charm! The mental breakdown in the grocery store is NOT a set back. You dealt with ANA, and you made it to the car. The breakdown is a testimony to how hard it was to do that. But, Bella, you DID do it! Your strength is inspiring, sweetheart. I hope you can see that there were a lot of positive parts to that day. I still struggle with trying on clothes. In high school, I completely stopped shopping at all. My mom (BLESS HER) had to guess my size and what I might like for years. Then I would cry in the bathroom at home as I tried them on, and handed them back to her, my face red with shame. You did wonderfully with going into the clothing stores AND getting items you like! I'm very proud of you, Bella. And thank you for your supportive comments! I feel we are becoming closer friends via Blogger. Perhaps we could write each other a letter! XO Calla

  5. Big congratulations on your outing! You did so well hunni :) You should be mega proud of yourself. I know i would be! And you look stunning in that skirt, your legs go on forever! :O Sending love as always <3

  6. What an amazing outfit Bella :) It looks great on you hon

  7. The important thing is that you managed an outing! Yes it involved a panic attack, but you did it! And for wearing your hair down. Two big steps of progress!

    I have to try on everything before I buy something. It usually involves choosing 10-12 items, trying them on, taking them off, trying them on again, putting them on the rack because nothing ultimately looks good, changing my mind, then going back in the fitting room to try on more. It's an ordeal that I don't like. But I can't fathom buying clothes without trying them on first. I never buy things online for this reason. I like shopping for shoes though, lol.

    And I love that you are so tall and still wear heels! I'm only 5'8'' and I wear heals twice a year because I don't like being taller than everyone. I absolutely admire that about you. <3

  8. :) so glad you made it to #7!! and so proud of you, even if it was a little difficult, you still got through it. I do like the new skirt :) hugs!!

  9. Those clothes are beautiful. That food is beautiful. YOU are beautiful! xoxo

  10. You're a lovely looking lass no doubt about it and I'm so glad you went out. But to be honest, I think your skirt, though a nice shape, may be a touch too short for someone of you stature. I know you commented that youd have to wear a coat but honestly I do think it's nicer to wear things which make YOU shine, not just look sexy. Hope you don't mind me giving you my honest opinion.

    Hugs xoxo