Reflection and Resolutions

The New Year is here. I was asleep at midnight after one Black Russian, and spent the night writing up my new intake and smoking notebooks for the year and finishing up the old ones.

I don't normally have New Years resolutions. In fact, I'm pretty sure last year was the first year I set a resolution. Last year I decided to set myself the challenge of getting out of the house once a month, excluding appointments. Overall I had nine outings, and missed four months.

In January I went out to pick up a new electric blanket do a little shopping.
In February I did a short walk at the You Yangs.

March, I finally got my second nipple piercing after being asymmetrical for the last three years.
Nothing in April, although I turned 21.
In May we went to the cheese factory in Warrnambool, and bought 8kg of cheese.

I didn't go out for a few months after that. In June I was admitted to hospital for a COPD exacerbation. It was my second admission for COPD, and I was there for eleven days.

There were quite a few experiences during this admission.
I had my first anesthesia. The Lung Doctor Man decided a bronchoscopy was necessary to take biospsies, after the first few days of the tests and treatments weren't doing anything.
I had two nurses and a doctor try to unscrew the balls on my nipple piercings for an x-ray because I hadn't taken them out before (leaving one in had been fine in the past).
And an arterial blood gas test to get a super accurate reading of my oxygen levels (this involved being stabbed in the wrist with a needle and blood spurting all over the bed and the doctor).

I had to remove all of my piercings for the tests

I've been on antibiotics more often than not this year. It's hard for me to define when infections begin and end, which isn't helped by their frequency. I'm never 100% sure if I'm actually sick until I see a doctor, or if it's just in my head.

I didn't go out again until the last day of August when we did another walk at the You Yangs.

I didn't go out in September.
Then in October I went out for dinner at an Indian restaurant with my mum, brother, and his fiance.
November we went back to Warrnambool to do some shopping, and of course stop at the cheese factory (add another 5kg of cheese).
And in December I tried-and-failed to go Christmas shopping, and also went out to dinner again at the same Indian restaurant.

This year my resolutions are to continue with my once-a-month agoraphobia challenge. I'm also going to try to save some money from each pay, which I've always been shocking at. I bought myself a lock-box a few weeks ago, and hopefully saving paper money will be more successful than banking it.

Last year my GP finally got me to see a mental health nurse, who I met in May. This was a huge step because I've been actively running from anyone from the mental health field for years, but my GP didn't give me much choice. Unfortunately, her job is now most likely disappearing early this year. I don't even know what to say here. It just all sucks.

I did a little bit of sewing last year. I made a couple of pin cushions, a couple of skirts, and the Tatters and Rags skirt, as well as starting a reproduction 1880s outfit, plus a few little secret projects I can't tell y'all about just yet. I'm trying to get back into it, but everything's just so hard.

As for my weight, I can't say for sure. In January I weighed in at 43.7kg, which was the last time I weighed myself at home. I know I've gone up and down a few kilos, but the dietician seems to think I'm still maintaining in the big picture.
I actually had a nightmare last week that I gained 15kg and she didn't tell me. But I trust her, and she's always said she'll tell me when patterns start forming.

I think that's about it. It's been a pretty hard year. Worse than some, but not as hard as others. Like every year, I'm glad to see this one go but dreading the next one.

I wasn't too sure how to go about writing this post, as writing concisely about how I've been doing through the year and my mental health seems impossible, and I find myself getting confused about what belongs in this post and what doesn't.

I hope you all survived the holidays intact. I'm finding it hard to be optimistic, but at least the hardest part of the season is over.

Please note: I probably got very confused between this/next/last year, and I couldn't seem to write it chronologically, which kills me, but hopefully it was still comprehensible.


xxBella