I stepped out into the world again today, for the second time in nearly a year.
There's a mountain range that I see from my house everyday, the You Yangs. A few weeks ago, mum and I went for a drive there. It was nice and quiet, and I thought it'd be a good place to go out one day. I was feeling particularly brave this morning, and the weather was gorgeous, so we decided to go for a little picnic.
It's only a half hour drive to the You Yangs, but it feels so remote. We stopped for coffee and Subway on the way. There's several picnic grounds, and we drove around all of them until we found a quiet area without anyone else around.
We sat for a while with our coffees and cigarettes, taking in the scenery. I have a horrible fear of heights, so I stayed far back from the cliff's edge. It was lovely to be out in nature, anxiety aside. We even saw four kangaroos hopping across the road.
We ate our sandwiches when the clock struck 12. I had part of a 6" chicken, lettuce & carrot on wholemeal, even though it was more than I'd normally have for lunch (216 cal). Shortly after I finished, the fear and discomfort of being out became overwhelming, so we packed up and headed off.
I live in a beautiful area, really. We're only minutes from the beach, on a great part of the coast. On the other side, we're only a few kilometers away from farmland and bush. There's a lot of beautiful little places around, and it's a shame to miss out on.
To say it was scary would be an understatement, but it was refreshing to get out for a while. I felt physically sick with anxiety, and I started crying as soon as I got back to the safety of the car. It was just completely overwhelming. I don't have many words, and I'm exhausted in every way, but I took a few pictures so I'll leave you with those.
Yesterday was my first full day off the crutches. I still can't put my foot flat without feeling like it's about to snap in half, so I'm walking on the side of my foot, but at least I'm walking. I'm seeing the GP on Wednesday, so I'll get her to check it then.
xxBella
Oh my, maybe I should stay with archaeology because the only thing I see right now is the pic with stone line... that looks like some kind of structure. Fence or house base or something... or if it would be the coolest thing ever - which I doubt because it's so linear - it could be prehistorical cemetery when they used stone carns, is there anything known in the area? (Oh, Tat... stop that... in the end it's just a pile of stones sticking up from the ground :p)
ReplyDeleteBut either way I'm glad to see you out! I've been reading you for a good while now but I when you once don't know what to say and silence becomes a habit so easy. Sorry about that Bella <3
Keep on going! Those little things are hard to do sometimes but they what keep you in this life.
xx
I love the pics. Even though it was anxiety-ridden, at least you got out there and that in itself is an accomplishment! I've been catching up on your old posts and I really love your blog :)
ReplyDeleteYay Bella!!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to read this and so well done on venturing outside
In your face anorexia!!
I know what a big deal this must have been for you and I am so proud of you!
Baby steps add up to be great strides!
I also live in a beautiful place but I'm so busy looking down that I rarely notice it
I hope this is start of good things to come for you Bells, I really do
Lots of love to you sweetheart x
I haven't been on Blogspot for a while, but I'm so proud of you! It must have been so overwhelming to step out of the comfort of your home and into the outside world. But this is one big leap towards onwards and upwards and I believe you can do it. I believe in you. And may I just say that you are so beautiful with such lovely skin! All the best. x
ReplyDeleteIt looks beautiful! And even though you were scared you made it through. Now you can keep pushing yourself further and further.
ReplyDeleteWow, that's beautiful. I'm afraid of heights too, but that view..breathtaking. I would want to stay up there all day. I'm very glad you got out and took in some nature. Nature can be pretty daunting, whether it's hiking up a mountain or looking over a cliff, or even seeing a giant open sky- it's powerful, it can make us feel small. Is that why you don't like to be out much, or is it more people? I'm proud of you either way, maybe find other ways to feel comfortable with nature. Love you dear, take care.
ReplyDeleteWow the sky is beautiful there! Sorry that was the 1st thought that popped in my head and wanted to share it.
ReplyDeleteWow those are gorgeous pictures... hopefully one day you'll be able to go there and enjoy it without being anxious...
ReplyDeleteAh that is so cool that you can just see kangaroos XD I'm jealous
It's so good to see you out in that beautiful scenery! I'm sorry it was so anxiety provoking but seriously awesome job at getting outside! You picked a lovely day it looks like. Also, I just have to say you have great freckles! :) The weather really seemed to agree with you...despite it being terrifying, you look like you are enjoying yourself and really soaking up the beauty! And sidenote: I wish seeing kangaroos was a normal part of my outdoor adventures!
ReplyDeleteKANGAROOS?! Awesome. :) They are basically mythical creatures in my head.
ReplyDeleteAlso...
I'm so proud of you, deary!!
xo