I stepped out into the world again today, for the second time in nearly a year.
There's a mountain range that I see from my house everyday, the You Yangs. A few weeks ago, mum and I went for a drive there. It was nice and quiet, and I thought it'd be a good place to go out one day. I was feeling particularly brave this morning, and the weather was gorgeous, so we decided to go for a little picnic.
It's only a half hour drive to the You Yangs, but it feels so remote. We stopped for coffee and Subway on the way. There's several picnic grounds, and we drove around all of them until we found a quiet area without anyone else around.
We sat for a while with our coffees and cigarettes, taking in the scenery. I have a horrible fear of heights, so I stayed far back from the cliff's edge. It was lovely to be out in nature, anxiety aside. We even saw four kangaroos hopping across the road.
We ate our sandwiches when the clock struck 12. I had part of a 6" chicken, lettuce & carrot on wholemeal, even though it was more than I'd normally have for lunch (216 cal). Shortly after I finished, the fear and discomfort of being out became overwhelming, so we packed up and headed off.
I live in a beautiful area, really. We're only minutes from the beach, on a great part of the coast. On the other side, we're only a few kilometers away from farmland and bush. There's a lot of beautiful little places around, and it's a shame to miss out on.
To say it was scary would be an understatement, but it was refreshing to get out for a while. I felt physically sick with anxiety, and I started crying as soon as I got back to the safety of the car. It was just completely overwhelming. I don't have many words, and I'm exhausted in every way, but I took a few pictures so I'll leave you with those.
Yesterday was my first full day off the crutches. I still can't put my foot flat without feeling like it's about to snap in half, so I'm walking on the side of my foot, but at least I'm walking. I'm seeing the GP on Wednesday, so I'll get her to check it then.