Saturday, 28 September 2013

Guess who's back on crutches?

Yep. I've sprained my arch again. This time, in my left foot.

I should explain, as I was never crystal clear on how-why-what happened last time. Sometimes, when I feel the urge to hurt myself, I try not to. So (and this has happened twice), I decided jumping up and down on the spot would be a good alternative to try. Not a bad idea, until the third or fourth jump, when my foot gives out and I topple over in agony. Basically, when I landed, my arch was forced flat. Yes, that is as painful as it sounds.

I was certain it was a sprained arch, though my family wanted me to get it checked out just in case. So, yesterday I saw my GP. She came to get me, saw the crutches, and just said "Oh dear... Looks like you've got another story to tell me."

She checked over my foot, and I told her it felt exactly the same as the last sprain. My arch is bruised, and touches the floor when I rest my foot flat. I can't put weight on it, nor wiggle my toes, and it aches like mad. She strapped it and gave me anti-inflammatories, plus a script for stronger painkillers. She didn't do an x-ray, because it's such a similar injury to last time, though it reminded me that I still need to book my bone density scan. 

She also mentioned that she wants to start keeping a closer eye on my blood pressure since there's growing concern over my weight, so she'll be popping in to my dietician appointments on Tuesday mornings to check it. The dietician mentioned it this week, and asked if my GP could come in to check it, but I said I felt fine and we left it for next week.

She did say it was a good idea to try jumping up and down as a self-harm alternative, but evidently it's not an alternative, just a different method. She suggested I try a rubber band around my wrist instead (how cliché). We don't really talk about self-harm unless I have an injury like this that needs tending to; she doesn't know about methods or frequency or anything. The thing that irritates me the most is that I was really trying not to hurt myself, but did anyway.

It's ridiculous, these injuries I'm ending up with, and it's no one's fault but my own. And so I'm back on crutches, which is incredibly frustrating, not to mention exhausting and painful. The bruise from my last sprained arch only faded a few weeks ago. My first thought was that I'm obviously heavy enough to cause such an injury. Why does everything come back to weight?

So, my plans of sewing and leaving the house have been slightly skewed. There's not a chance I'm going out on crutches. With any luck, I'll be off them within a week. I can sew with my good foot, but everything just became 10x more exhausting, and I still have the motivation of a sloth. Everything feels foggy, blurred, like I can't think clearly enough to do anything. 

Thank you all for your comments on my hair. I forgot to mention: even though it's so long, it only needed one pack of dye because it's thinned out so much. I used to need two once it got past my shoulders. There's always a silver lining, I guess. 



  1. Ouch! That does sound so painful! But what a creative idea. I've never thought of jumping up and down! I've had the rubber band suggestion thrown at me as well. I prefer hot candle wax, red, if I'm looking for the visual effect to soothe or sometimes ice. Anyways, I hope you heal soon. I've never been on crutches but it does not sound fun :/

  2. Oh, hun, it just never ends, huh? I hope that you'll get well soon and will be able to go out :)
    Take care,
    Lena xx

  3. Oh huni I hope you feel better :/ sprained arch sounds terrible.. I love the suggestions for self harm alternatives they give (cue sarcasm) I've been suggested that I draw on myself with a red biro pen. Lol I haven't yet tried it though.. Love you loads xx

  4. ugh that sounds horrific! your arch was forced flat?! I cannot even i m a g i n e how painful that would be oh good lord. hope you get better soon!

  5. Hope your foot feels better <3

  6. Omg!!!... that sounds really painful >< I hope you feel better sweetie.. :( <3
    Also wanna tell you that I LOVE your new hair color! :) it totally suits you

  7. You look so beautiful Bella!

    Sorry to hear that you sprained your foot, stay well and mind yourself

    Apologies for my lack of comments, I just don't have many words at the moment

    All my love x

  8. Do you take vitamin D supplements? I'm just curious because maybe that could help a little with your bone density. Just a little worried because your bones are the very structure of your body and you're far too young to lose that much in them. I'm thinking of you beautiful. It's difficult enough to avert a potential self-harm incident and crappy when it ends up not working. One day at a time, okay? Keep holding on to the little things that bring you any amount of joy. I love you. Don't forget.

  9. You know what? I think jumping up and down is a great alternative to self-harm!
    And it really sucks that the universe had to punish you for doing it. I really don't think this one is in any way your fault. It's just bad luck.

  10. I hope it gets better real fast for you. Take loads of care Bella xxx