Stir-fry madness and stubborn sadness

First off, thank you all for your wonderful comments on my skirt. I wore it to see the dietician this morning, as I told her I would last week, and she was pretty impressed. Sadly it was only 10*c and raining this morning, but I guess that's why I have fleece tights. 

The dietician was lovely, as always. It was only a quick appointment; I didn't feel much like talking, but it's a comfort to see her each week anyway. 

My weight dropped, much to my relief, especially after last week's gain. As for my intake, I had three days at 1,200 calories (well, between 1,140-1,180), two closer to 1,000, one 800 and one 500 day. Self-hatred's been boiling up inside of me, increasing proportionately with my intake, wondering if it's worth it at all. The lower days are cruel, giving me a taste of what I can't have. She asked what happened on the lower days, and what can be done to prevent them, and I didn't really have an answer. I just couldn't do it, wouldn't do it, whatever. 

I only cooked dinner twice this past week, both stir-fries. They're definitely my new 'safe' family dinner, and luckily my mum loves them. Over the weekend I tried out my new nonstick wok (and by 'new', I mean I bought it years ago but hadn't taken it out of the box yet), as our old one was definitely past it's prime. Now I don't need even a tiny spritz of oil, and my stir-fries are just chicken breast, lots of veggies and low-sodium sauces; with rice on the side, of course. I did make one with eye fillet steak, though I still struggle with the texture of red meat so I prefer chicken.  

This past week's flown by, and not in a good way. Where has the year gone? Days have been completely lost to tears. I've been crying about everything and nothing. I finally stopped being completely unproductive yesterday and started sewing another skirt, but I think sewing's gonna be stop-start for a while.

xxBella