Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Stir-fry madness and stubborn sadness

First off, thank you all for your wonderful comments on my skirt. I wore it to see the dietician this morning, as I told her I would last week, and she was pretty impressed. Sadly it was only 10*c and raining this morning, but I guess that's why I have fleece tights. 

The dietician was lovely, as always. It was only a quick appointment; I didn't feel much like talking, but it's a comfort to see her each week anyway. 

My weight dropped, much to my relief, especially after last week's gain. As for my intake, I had three days at 1,200 calories (well, between 1,140-1,180), two closer to 1,000, one 800 and one 500 day. Self-hatred's been boiling up inside of me, increasing proportionately with my intake, wondering if it's worth it at all. The lower days are cruel, giving me a taste of what I can't have. She asked what happened on the lower days, and what can be done to prevent them, and I didn't really have an answer. I just couldn't do it, wouldn't do it, whatever. 

I only cooked dinner twice this past week, both stir-fries. They're definitely my new 'safe' family dinner, and luckily my mum loves them. Over the weekend I tried out my new nonstick wok (and by 'new', I mean I bought it years ago but hadn't taken it out of the box yet), as our old one was definitely past it's prime. Now I don't need even a tiny spritz of oil, and my stir-fries are just chicken breast, lots of veggies and low-sodium sauces; with rice on the side, of course. I did make one with eye fillet steak, though I still struggle with the texture of red meat so I prefer chicken.  

This past week's flown by, and not in a good way. Where has the year gone? Days have been completely lost to tears. I've been crying about everything and nothing. I finally stopped being completely unproductive yesterday and started sewing another skirt, but I think sewing's gonna be stop-start for a while.



  1. I adore you and your blog but I have to say.. you're honestly terrifyingly thin... I mean, yes, you're gorgeous and talented and amazingly kind, but please take care of yourself.. <3

  2. Three days at 1200 calories!!! That's amazing!! I hope you can do it again, and hopefully get the low days up higher.

  3. Well done on increasing your intake
    But I hope your weight doesn't continue to drop
    You can't afford to be losing any more weight

    I know what you mean about time going by so fast
    How can it be September already?
    It's weird, time goes by but nothing changes
    Every day is ground hog day
    It's like one big long day

    Take care of yourself as much as you can and above all stay safe

    Much love sweetheart x

  4. You are so tiny hun. I am pretty jealous of your thighs. Good job on the three days of the high intakes. You're doing wonderful. Stay safe sweetheart.

  5. I'm sorry to hear that the past week has been rather tough for you... You are still trying hard and doing amazing. Well done on increasing your caloric intake :)
    I have yet to book an appointment to see my new dietitian. And I am still kinda freaking out about it... The idea of increasing my caloric intake and gaining weight still terrifies me :(
    Please take care hun. You are a beautiful and talented person with such a kind, sweet nature.. And you deserve to have an amazing life!
    xoxo <3

  6. Hey sweetie, so glad to hear you have been having some good days, that's great! Love that skirt, can't wait to see your next creation :)
    Alice xx

  7. Stir fry rocks AND the rice is my favorite complex carb. Your skirt is absolutely fantastic! Cheer up lovely. You have so much talent and such a beautiful spirit. I say it all the time but I mean it and I know nothing really matters when you feel like you're stuck. You are loved bunches and bunches okay?

  8. lovely photos! You should be proud of yourself for the higher days. Don't beat yourself up, love. It is a long process that must be taken one day at a time. Never give up on yourself <3

  9. Beautiful skirt lovely :) You are so talented.

    I agree with you. I feel this year has gone by like a horrible foggy blur. I shudder when I think about it. I'm looking forward to putting all the bad memories behind me.

    I"m sorry dear that things have been rocky. Keep taking baby steps forward. You're worth it, I promise :) xxx

  10. It is alllllll about the fleece tights and thermals. I found thermal fashion leggings recently. I was over the moon. I hate the cold, where's the middle temperature ground, it doesn't seem to have happened over here! The temperature cut in half overnight. Literally.

    Your skirt is BEAUTIFUL, and you are so so so talented. What's next on the cards?

    You are so so diddy little lovely. My diddly little bella and boo, I love you very muchly and I always always will.


  11. There are so many positives in this post! Increase in calorie intake is fantastic. I know how difficult and terrifying it is, but you really need it Bella. I love the sound of your stir-fry...yum! It's great that you can cook for yourself. And more pictures of your skirt, you're just so talented it blows me away!

    Please please look after yourself, you're too precious. Sending you a big gentle hug xxx