Saturday, 14 September 2013

Meal Plan

I wake up in the morning, and I stay on the couch for an hour before actually getting up, dreading the day ahead. After I get up, it's all about waiting for the day to pass, trying to make it speed by as quickly as possible. I curl up in my armchair on the porch, pull my knees up and my blankets over me. I just want to sleep all the time, but I never do. 

I have so little to say, I do so little, it's not even funny. I prepare food, I spend a lot of time on Blogger, sometimes I sew. I cry, ramble and hurt myself, breaking down over the smallest things. Mum takes me out for a drive each day, not that I ever get out of the car. We'll spend an hour driving around the outer suburbs, in a desperate attempt to make my time pass quicker. It's all quite pathetic, honestly. 

Enough moaning and groaning. I'm trying not to let depression's word-vomit run rampant. So I've got something a little different today, for a change of pace. I talk sometimes about changes to my meal plan, or breaks in routine, but I haven't actually posted my meal plan here for quite a while. So, here it is, what I suppose you'd call an 'average day' of food.

Breakfast (88-99 cal)
20-25g (one slice) wholemeal bread with 6g Vegemite and 80g nonfat strawberry yoghurt

Lunch (148-184 cal)
A sandwich, with an average 45g of wholemeal bread (105). I alternate between two fillings. 
Either: 6g Vegemite and 20g 97% fat free cheddar (148)
Or: 2g canola spread, 40g mashed egg, 23g carrot and 24g iceberg lettuce (184)

Snack (78-105 cal)
Either a 95-100g pot of custard (100-105)
Or 150-200g (two small) golden delicious apples (78-104)

Dinner (125-300 cal)
Either: 200-250g soup (lamb, lentils, barley, peas, carrot, potato & onion) with 10-20g wholemeal bread (125-174)
Or: 200-250g stew (beef, carrot, potato, tomato, onion, flour) with 10-20g wholemeal bread (141-194)
If I cook a 'family dinner', my serve comes out around 300 calories.

Supper (183-215 cal)
22-25g mini bag of Outback Animal Cookies (88-100) and an 80-90g Skinny Cow Sundae (95-115)

Total = 622 - 903 calories

I also drink 4-6 cups of black coffee (12-18 cal) and 6-8 cans/2-3L of Coke Zero (7-9 cal) throughout the day (I'm a caffeine junkie, shoot me).

Ensure makes up the extra 300-600 calories. I'm apprehensive to go any higher than 1,200 until my meals change, but I don't want to change my meals that much either. At the moment I'm working towards eating family dinners most nights, and saving soup for a 'sometimes' dinner.

As I've said before, stir-fries are my 'safe' family dinner, though sometimes I cook things like bolognese, curries, risotto. And I don't think I've mentioned this, but currently I won't use two pieces of cutlery, like a knife and fork (it's too confusing), which limits my options. Once I get past that barrier, which will hopefully be soon, I'll be enjoying fish and salads and baked potatoes.

That's about all from me for now. I hope you're all enjoying the weekend, whatever it may hold. 



  1. I think you describe it perfectly Bella, the life of someone with this illness
    Just waiting
    Trying to speed up time
    You end one day only to start another one

    I know you don't really want this Bells
    Dammit you are too talented and beautiful to let this illness get the better of you
    I'm not angry it just kills me that this thing is killing you and all the girls here
    It makes me so sad more than anything

    You know the way things can go wrong very quickly?
    Well they can also turn around very quickly, like the snowball effect

    I'm just hoping and praying that some day you will feel strong enough to fight
    I believe in you so much and I am rooting for you

    Take care of yourself as much as you can

    With love x

  2. I get it Hun <3 I wake up and immediately have this sinking feeling. I just don't want to face the day. Darling you do matter and you do important things. You say you spend a lot of time on blogger... But Hun that time isn't a waste. Your comments mean the world to me and I am only one of many!! Hoping this week bring some light at the end of the tunnel for you <3

  3. <3 you're not pathetic at all. You leave wonderful comments on people's blogs and those do really make a difference, at least to me they do. =)

    Just focus on getting better, the world will still be there when you're ready <3

  4. It's crazy when I'm reading this, it looks like a lot of food, but in reality, it really isn't. It looks like you're eating pretty healthy. Good for you. Don't by any means think you're pathetic. You're just trying to survive. We all understand that. You're such a beautiful soul.