This 'routine' thing hasn't been working out so well. My sleep is still minimal, 3-4 hours most nights. I don't feel like I need more, but it's becoming harder to keep myself busy the other 20hrs of the day.
I've still been getting out of the house, kinda. I'm going out in the car, but not getting out of the car. That one trip to the supermarket is still the only time I've gone out in public for over 4 months now.
Regular meals is also failing. I normally eat 5 times a day to keep portion sizes down, but lately I've been struggling and only eating 2 or 3 times a day. I end up feeling horrible after eating larger portions, but I'm having trouble eating breakfast and lunch especially.
I had my treat day this week though, and cooked a wonderful dinner for my family. I made wholemeal pizza dough, weighed out my portion, and made thin crust pizzas topped with tomato sauce, chicken breast and 85% fat-free cheese. They were under 500 calories a pizza! Anyway, they looked and tasted amazing, and I certainly won't be buying take-out pizzas again.
Before and since, I've been under 600 calories a day. Next Tuesday I'm back to regular appointments with my dietician, which is a huge relief. Everything's been so erratic this past month, at least it'll give me one certainty.
I still can't quite explain how I'm feeling. But every day there's guaranteed to be at least two instances of crying, screaming and self-harm. Just a few weeks ago, this only happened once or twice a week. On my bad days it's constant. I'm trying to keep myself distracted as much as I can, but it's hard. Everything's too much to deal with right now, I'm just not functioning.
I'm trying my best to keep up-to-date with reading and commenting here, though. Writing posts is still very distressing and I can't keep my thoughts straight, so I've been trying to keep it short, but I promise I'll make a half interesting post soon.
All my love,
|Glimmer of Hope Shiraz|