Wednesday, 8 May 2013

Appointments, Tests, and the Possibility of Hospital

The past few days, I've been in the worst pain of my life. I have a constant ache in my chest, that stabs at me when I breathe, and sets off little bombs when I cough. I cancelled on the dietician yesterday, for the first time after 11 months, and saw the GP later in the day instead. I've been crying and literally screaming in pain, unable to breathe properly, and only barely made it to the one appointment. It hurts to breathe, to stay still, move, cough, lie down, stand up. Everything hurts. I'd considered going to hospital over the weekend, and my family had been asking me to, but I held out for the GP.

Mum's birthday didn't go according to plan, at all. I felt quite bad about the whole thing. I was crying in pain when she woke up (though still said 'Happy Birthday' first thing). We cancelled the dietician, and booked yet another emergency appointment with the GP. I spent the whole day in agony, crying and breathless and screaming. Over the last 5-6 weeks, I've taken four courses of antibiotics, a week of prednisolone, two different inhalers 7-10 times a day, and have tried four different types of painkillers, all to no relief. We made the appointment at 8am, and sat watching the clock until 3pm when I had my appointment.

The GP took my bloods herself then and there, as I still hadn't had them done. She gave me super-strong prescription painkillers, and I'm back on prednisolone. She told me to get the x-ray done ASAP, and to call in the morning for blood results. As soon as I got out to the car, I was gasping for air, and started crying and screaming in pain. I've never been in so much pain for so long. Mum's been likening it to watching someone in post-surgery or labour pains. We went straight to the chemist to get my painkillers, and mum even bought a bottle of water so I could have them straight away. Thank god, they've definitely dulled the pain.

Yesterday we bought take-out for every meal of the day, mum's choice, as we were so seemingly busy. I've told her I will make her birthday cake, as soon as I'm feeling better. Breakfast was 3/4 of a bacon & egg McMuffin (I gave my hash brown to mum; she loves a Maccas breakfast), lunch was 2/3 of a beef pie, and dinner was one slice of chicken pizza. Not too much damage calorie-wise, but it was all food that's practically devoid of nutrients. I ate literally zero fiber, micronutrients, and potassium.

I had my X-ray this morning. My GP called as we were on the way there, and said my blood results were back, showing a pretty bad infection. She said I may need IV antibiotic treatment, but I had to get the X-ray done first. A few hours later, she finished for the day, and called us to say the imaging place hadn't sent the results yet; they're still sending out yesterday's reports. Boo. So it's waiting until tomorrow.

I'm not keen on breaking my 17-months-hospital-free streak, but at least it wouldn't be related to my ED. If I do need to go, we're going to suss out the private hospitals so I can avoid the horrible psychiatrist at the public hospital (there's three, soon to be four, hospitals in my city). Mum's been pushing me to start taking action on that recently, and get a solicitor involved so the horrible psych couldn't come near me. Unfortunately, there's only one Accident & Emergency between the three hospitals, and that's at the public. If I needed to go to A&E for any reason, my family say they're willing to drive me 45 minutes to one in another town, but not if they're unsure I'll survive the drive. Thankfully, I won't need an emergency admission for this, but it's something I know I need to sort out.

I'll be hearing from the GP first thing tomorrow when she gets my results, and I guess we'll go from there. Mum and I are staying prepared for if I need to go to hospital tomorrow, which is currently looking more likely than not.



  1. Oh sweetheart please do go to hospital
    I'm so very worried about you
    Your body is giving up and please do something before it's too late
    I know you don't want to go but hopefully you can go to the private hospital
    It is urgent at this stage

    You know, over the last year I've gotten to know you
    I've read every post
    Watched as you slipped further and further
    It truly breaks my heart and makes me do goddam
    angry at this illness
    You are a beautiful person with such a lovely spirit
    Please don't let this thing take you
    Don't disappear

    I don't know what else to say except I'm here
    I'm rooting for you to get well
    Maybe this could be a turning point for you?
    I know you don't want to live this way any longer
    I don't either

    Sending you love and hugs across the world x

  2. I'm hoping the xray comes back with a definate answer which can be fixed with a short hospital stay. My thoughts go out to you Bella, may the healing process be quick.
    Take care hunn.

  3. Oh bella :( this sounds awful. I'm so sorry you have been in so much pain. I hope everything gets sorted out and you start to feel a bit better. Will be thinking of you.

  4. Hey hun I hope you feel better! Please, please go to the hospital if you need! It sounds really bad and you don't need to be in pain. Your mom will understand taking a rain check on the birthday food as you're sick and she loves her daughter. Please take care of yourself and get some rest! I love you girl!

  5. Super giant hug. I can't even imagine that. I've never really been super super sick, so I can't imagine that pain. IF you need to go to the hospital to make this better, then go. I'm sure you're family would do anything to see you better. Breaking a hospital streak in order to get your health back is what might be necessary. Don't think of it as a failure, think of it as fighting, living. And I wouldn't rule out all this not being from the ED. Obviously it doesn't directly cause breathing problems and infections, but the lack of nutrients is definitely deterring your system. I hope you can get better soon lovely.

  6. Good god your health seems to be in a horrible state right now- all that medication and still nothing is helping! One would think with modern science and technology they'd be able to figure out what was wrong and fix it! I guess a short hospital stay would be good- that way the docs could pay close attention to your health and make sure you're well before seeing you home. I'm sorry you didn't get to bake for you mum on her birthday- I'm sure she understands and will be lookig forward to your baking when you're well! ♥

  7. Oh my God! I hope everything turns out okay... This is kind of scary! Get better soon and good luck with the medical stuff!

    Good job with the eating by the way =) It seems like you've made some amazing progress.

    Keeping you in my thoughts <3

  8. Aw Bella, this is so worrying :( I can't imagine what you must be going through, it sounds just awful. Sending you big cosy hugs to make you feel better. Try and keep your strength up to fight this. The ED will not be helping you to feel better, and I know as terrifying as it seems, please try to feed yourself better too. Your body is crying out for help and I wish I could do something to make you feel less poorly. My heart breaks for you. You can get through this. I believe in you! Keep fighting the pain and the ED. Sending loads of love xxx

  9. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry that this has happened, I can't imagine how painful and uncomfortable it must be! I hope you find a quick solution to this problem and the x-ray comes back with a definite result. Good luck if you do end up having to go into hospital, I hope it relieves some of that pain. It sounds so awful and you definitely don't need this right now. You are just so strong and amazing for being able to stand it for that long. You inspire me! You can get through this and I believe that you can. I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better. You'll be in my thoughts, lots of hugs lovely xx

  10. Woooow, I'm so sorry sweety! I hope it will get better and that you can stay out or if you have to go in, you will and stay safe from bad people. Power kisses, get better darling <3

  11. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! That really sucks. I hope you get better! It seems like all the infections are finding you :/

  12. Thanks for the update, hun! I'm glad that the painkillers are having some effect, at least. Let us know how the x ray turns up and what is decided regarding your hospitalization. It might be the very best way to get you back on your feet as soon as possible.
    Be brave!

  13. It's terrible to hear you are so sick Bella! I know you don't really want to go hospital and does suck, but this sounds really bad and you should go if you need to.
    Keep fighting hun, get well soon <3
    Alice xx