Monday, 20 May 2013

The Opportunity of Absence

I found out the other day that my dietician will be away for two weeks at the start of July. My first thoughts are wondering how much weight I can lose in those three weeks. For anyone else who gets weighed weekly, you'll understand this temptation. As much as I'm more likely to become unstable without support, it's the most enticing time to lose weight. There's no one watching my calorie intake or my weight, and I tend to waver in these situations. I have a little over a month to get my head around it, and only time will tell how it goes. If my intake stays the same as it is now, I'll undoubtedly lose weight.

As for smoking, I've really made no progress. I have a huge box of nicotine gum, which I still haven't started on. I can feel and hear my breathing getting worse, and I know I need to stop ASAP. I used to like the nicotine inhalers, but even they're a no-go now. I shouldn't put "anything toxic" in my lungs; whether its smoke or nicotine inhalers or vaporizing or whatever else. I actually have volcano vape, but it's just as dangerous to use that right now. I'm seeing the physician tomorrow afternoon for my follow up appointment, which I'm utterly dreading. I've been chain smoking the entire week I've been home, even though it's less than I had been smoking. 

I've decided to try to keep myself distracted by spending more time in the kitchen again. Whether its actually cooking and baking, or just cleaning and tidying. Yesterday I baked two layers for mum's belated birthday cake, though I did the bulk of the work sitting down. I made the third layer today, and also a cheesecake. I've declared this Tuesday mum's belated birthday, as I was in too much pain to do anything on her actual birthday. I'm also going to make French toast for breakfast, which should be easy enough. I've been trying to get as much prep done early as I can, so tomorrow I can just assemble the cake and cook breakfast. In the next week, I also want to make wholemeal scones and banana-bran bread and a few other afternoon treats, as well as some easy safe dinners for the freezer.

Tomorrow's going to be busy, appointments-wise at least. I try to avoid having two appointments in one day, but tomorrow I'm seeing the dietician in the morning and the physician in the afternoon. I'm fully expecting to get my ass metaphorically kicked by the physician re: smoking, but oh well.

One day at a time. 



  1. Good luck and keep trying to ax the smoking..I found the patch helped me more than anything. It is rough but it's worth it, especially in your case! And it gets easier in time, the temptations fade, you're body will feel so much better you won't even want to smoke. Wishing you luck. Living is hard enough, breathing shouldn't have to be a struggle too. <3

  2. I get weighed weekly too. Whenever I know I have a week or two weeks of not being weighed, that is the exact first thought that comes to my mind too! I know it's bad, but I can't help it. I actually have two weeks till I am weighed next, and have already lost some, and am desperately trying to lose more, even though I don't know what that will achieve. Stupid anorexia. Please be careful and don't let your ED take over!

    Your baking sounds lovely! I can't wait to see photos! I spent all of Saturday baking!

    You can beat the smoking! I believe in you!
    Sending you much strength and love! XXX

  3. I know exactly what you mean when you say that you wonder how much weight you can lose while in those couple of weeks
    I think like that all the time
    It's warped but it's part of the illness

    I'm trying to quit smoking too so I know how difficult it is
    I hope you manage to stop
    Your poor lungs need a rest

    Stay safe dear Bella
    I am rooting for you
    I believe in you

    Love you to bits and pieces x

  4. Man, I was going to suggest vaporizors...but even that isn't safe? Geez. That's a tough habit to break. I know a lot of friends who used lollipops. Helped with the whole "oral fixation" that goes with smoking. I hope you find something that works. That infection sounded awful :/

    You always bake such lovely items. I never got a chance to comment on the picture of that amazing cake you posted last time. I hope you'll post more pics from this weeks baking adventures :)

    Good luck with tomorrow's appointments!

  5. Keep us posted on how your appointments go. And happy belated bday to your mum, I'm sure it'll be wonderful, even though it's a bit late :)
    And quit smoking!!!! :p

  6. I've quit smoking quite a while ago now, and for me there are still times where I feel like I want one, it's about to decision to say no to that action even if you feel like doing it - because you will feel like it. Maybe the nicotine gum will help too, and I like the above idea of lollipops, or you could try making a cup of tea or coffee instead.
    I know you can stop hun, you've got this :)

    Also, you're so sweet, making a belated birthday for your mum, that's nice :)
    Take care darling <3
    Alice xx

  7. Oh dear, I hope you can resist losing a lot of weight while she's away. I don't want to see you back in the hospital again :(
    I hope you and your mom have a wonderful day together!
    And good luck with the appointment tomorrow.

  8. Aw good luck with your appointments! I hope they went well!

    Please try not to lose too much weight while she's gone... you're already terrifyingly thin T_T