Friday, 10 May 2013


Yesterday afternoon, I was admitted to a private hospital. Normally one would require a specialist consultation prior to admission, but my GP contacted a respiratory specialist who organized a private room for me without seeing him first. I admitted myself, and the nurses checked my OBs. My oxygen saturation was 88%, and I was given a little nasal oxygen mask. 

After a while, the specialist came to see me. He listened to my chest and knocked on my bones, and apparently it sounds like a cave of bats waking up. I have early Chronic Obstructive Airways Disease from smoking, which is apparently not very common in 20 year olds. I also have Bronchiolitis, from a mystery source. It's basically when the very smallest airways close up in your lungs, and there's a tonne of things that can cause it. So now I need tests done to see if I have Lupus (we have a family history), or whatever else that could be causing it. 

I felt like I was being surrounded by doctors and nurses when I first got here. I had an IV cannula placed in my left wrist, for antibiotics and fluids, by a lovely young bloke. He's the best IV-placement I've ever had. I used a scary machine called a Nebulizer, which blasted my face with steam to give me different medications. I had blood tests galore, and had to spit a sputum sample. I'm being given IV antibiotics each night, which thankfully only takes an hour. I needed oxygen while I slept, and I still kept waking up coughing, but it wasn't quite as bad as its been at home. I actually slept more than 3 hours.

Yesterday was so stressful and busy, I simply didn't eat. Zilch. I drank 8 cans of Coke Zero, and a lot of water. I haven't done a full fast in a good 12-18 months, so it was a little bizarre. It's scary how good it feels to fast again; I feel strong. This morning I had to get a CT scan done, and could only have clear fluids until midday. Lunch was an unbearable leathery piece of roast beef, watery gravy, and a floury potato. I barely touched it; approximately 1oz beef, and the baby potato eyeballed 70-90g. The menu looks grim, and I doubt I could even manage 800 calories on it. The only god-sends are the low-fat ice cream and one glass of alcohol with dinner. They give you a choice of red wine, white wine, or light ale. 151 cals for an ice cream and a glass of red? That I can manage. 

One of the major downsides to all this, is that I'm not allowed to smoke anymore. At all. Not a single cigarette, or even a nicotine inhaler. Nothing toxic is allowed in my lungs, and it sucks. I went outside for a breakfast-cigarette this morning with mum, which the specialist later lectured me for. Now I'm ward-bound. If I keep smoking, my airways will continue to shrink up, I'll be short of breath for life, and my condition will deteriorate. I told the specialist that at home, I usually smoke weed. Maybe a contributing factor? My logic was "but tobacco is better for me!", though the specialist didn't exactly agree. 
I've just turned 20 years old, and I'm being told I have lung damage from smoking. 

My thanks to everyone for the kind words left on my last post, and my apologies for taking so long to update. Things are intense, and it took me all day to even get this together. I'm feeling totally frazzled and disoriented, and I keep crying uncontrollably in anxiety. I don't leave the house, and now I'm in a massive hospital in the middle of my city. It's scary, as stupid as it sounds. Thankfully it's practically a psychiatrist-free hospital, and I doubt I'll encounter one. They know I have Anorexia, and am under the care of a dietician, and so far it hasn't become a topic of serious discussion. I just hope tomorrow will be better.



  1. I didn't realize you were so sick!! I hope the antibiotics help and you don't have lupus!! That is crazy they give you alcohol in the hospital. I had to use a nebulizer some months back for a chest infection. It was a god send, helped SOO much. I hope you are feeling better soon<3

  2. The whole hospital experience does sound scary, but I know you can get through it.
    No smoking! A lot of people are waiting for a time to quit (as in waiting for signs of the negative consequences they keep hearing about) I guess now is your time.. you have to take of yourself <3
    Alice xx

  3. hope you start to feel better soon,have the drs considered marfans? just a thought as the condition can affect lungs too. take care x

  4. Sounds so serious hun!! And I feel utterly crap because I'm 21 and smoke like a chimney and I've never been sick or had any real problems. Hoping you get better soon and if you get back on track....I'll quit smoking as a tribute to a super awesome strong young lady x) xxxx

  5. I'm so so sorry to hear that you're still so unwell, but pleased that you are in hospital getting the best care possible to get you better and up and running again.

    You're allowed alcohol in hospital?!?!? That's mad!!!

    Sending you big hugs and love and strength to get you feeling better

  6. I'm so happy that you're getting proper treatment. I hope that they sort it all out and find out what's going on with you so that you can be back home very soon.
    As for the weed vs tobacco, it's an ongoing debate; some say that weed is worse, because it does not have a filter, others say tobacco because you are inhaling many more chemicals. I think that it will be a good new step in improving your overall health for you to stop smoking, though I know that it must be extremely difficult.
    Stay strong and we are all here whenever you need some support!

  7. O_O

    Very scary!

    But dude... they let you have alcohol at a hospital? Haha I've never been hospitalized long-term like that (few hours at most) but I don't think they do that kind of stuff in the states o_O Lucky!

    So glad you're getting the care you need though <3 I hope everything turns out okay.

    Please keep us updated <3

  8. :( that sounds awful.
    Please don't smoke. In ten years you will NOT want to have to keep dealing with shortness of breath. I don't know if it would ever come to this but I once met a woman who had to carry oxygen tanks around with her everywhere. It was a pain in the butt, kept her from doing all sorts of things, and cost a ton of money. The whole thing was caused by lots of smoking in her younger years.
    I don't mean to be preaching. I was just reminded of that story and wanted to share it.
    Is smoking weed worse than tobacco? I've actually heard the opposite, but I don't know much about these things.

  9. Darling I'm so sorry. That must be terrifying. I haven't read anyone's blog for so long. It's complete chance I saw this. Message me on facebook anytime day or night if you're anxious and need someone to talk to.
    I really hope they can treat this and you won't be stuck in the hospital for much longer. Fuck, I wish you weren't literally on the other side of the planet so I could come and visit you and stay by your hospital bed trying to cheer you up all day.
    I care about you so much. Literally the sole reason I checked blogger today was to see how you are because I haven't heard from you for a while.
    I really really hope you're feeling better soon.
    Get well soon my lovely.
    Love you so much xx

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