Sunday, 5 May 2013

Sleep is the cousin of Death

I've been dozing off early lately, sometimes as early as 6PM. I sit in my armchair outside with mum after dinner, and in the past week I've started to drift off while sitting in my chair. The other night I was awoken four or five times, by my mum or brother leaning over me, asking;
"Are you alright?", "Are you okay?"
I'd reply "Yeah, I'm fine, just tired." and thought nothing of it, and eventually went to bed.
The next day, mum said to me that it was "scary" when I fall asleep sitting up, that I'm not well, and they were worried I, uh, wasn't just asleep. Since then I've been getting to bed ASAP once my eyes start to close, because I don't particularly want my family worrying I'm dead because I've fallen asleep sitting up. Creepy stuff.

For my birthday, my mum bought me a diamond & white gold necklace. I've been without a necklace for a year, so it's been nice to have one on again. She also got me a new leather wallet, and stretchers for my lobes; surgical steel as titanium wasn't in stock (I'd previously worn black plastic plugs).

Mum herself has a birthday coming up this Tuesday (yep, we're a week apart!), and I have plans to cook for her. I'll see how I go for energy, but I have plans for breakfast (French toast), a cake (chocolate-caramel), and hopefully a cheesecake (choc-mint). I'm going to prepare what I can in advance tomorrow, so hopefully things will come together smoothly.

I've been chickening out of my chest x-ray, and my blood test. I don't go out a lot, at all, and it feels like a big deal to go somewhere new and different. I know it sounds pathetic, but I've been putting it off all week. It'll have to wait until tomorrow now, but I have to get it done then. And to think my GP wanted to get me done as soon as I left her office, ugh, no.

This week I've got tests on Monday, the dietician on Tuesday, and the GP at some point, probably Wednesday. My calorie intake's still sitting around the 900-1,000 mark, so that's fine. I'm just hoping my weight doesn't start creeping up.



  1. I can relate to this Bella
    I fall asleep quite often and have a couple of naps through out the day
    I think our bodies just need rest and relaxation

    Your necklace is so beautiful and it looks stunning on you, your mam picked a lovely one

    Keep holding on Bella
    I know every day is a struggle
    I know it can all get too much
    Please keep fighting
    Keep believing

    I love you so much, a true friend x

  2. This happens to me too - apparently it's a sign that the body can't function on so little food. Please take care! Rest when you need to!

    Your necklace is gorgeously stunning!

    Keep up the good fight Bella! XX

  3. I know what you mean about not wanting to go somewhere new. I chicken out of things all the time, and I always feel pathetic for doing so. You really should try to work up the courage, though, it's important; the sooner you go, the sooner they can start healing your body a bit :)
    And best of luck with all the baking! Sounds amazing!

  4. Oh Bella Lovely, that sounds like a busy week and I wish I could help make you better, I love your necklace and I am sorry I've been distant the last few days, I seem to be going totally into one, having a bit of a dissociaion/ plunge into mayhem fail and I'm sorry. I'm not functioning at all. I love you a ton, to the moon and back, you are very special and I love you lots xxx

  5. Your necklace is so simple and pretty! I love it.

    Again, my birthday is in December and I like caramel. :P

    Dear, this isn't good. You really do need to go to the Dr this week and let them do tests. Take care of yourself. I love you.

  6. You're necklace is lovely! Very simple but just the right touch. My Mom's birthday was last week, and then Mother's Day is next Sunday, so I have to come up with something really nice. I hope she likes what you bake her, it sounds so good!! Love you hon, take care.

  7. You're necklace is GORGEOUS. Delicate and sweet, like you <3
    And your plans for your mom's birthday sounds soo lovely! :) I hope it all goes so well.
    Please get set and attend the appointment if you need it <3 I want you to be well.

  8. Ooo pretty necklace! <3

    Hopefully you're just falling asleep because your body needs more energy to fight the infection... please take care of yourself though... you're so beautiful, you deserve happiness and health <3