Piercings and Pills

So, on Friday I got my first piercing in nearly three years. 

My piercers are currently relocating one of their studios. Unfortunately for me, it's their quieter studio. Their main studio is far too busy, and even the quieter one has been too daunting when it comes to my agoraphobia in recent years, but with it's upcoming closure, I felt it was my 'last chance' to get a piercing.

Mum had kept asking if I wanted to go for a cuppa, for a walk on the beach, to the mountains, anything to get me out of the house, but to no avail. I don't feel up to doing much right now beyond lying comatose on the couch. I was starting to doubt if I'd be able to keep up with my goal of going out once a month, or if I even wanted to. But on Thursday, I impulsively decided to finally get my second nipple piercing before they closed this week. It'd be quick, quiet, and perfect timing.

I went in first thing Friday morning and thankfully it was pretty quiet. Amongst other fears, I was terrified of running into people I knew. My outings are usually as far away as possible, ideally at least 45-60 minutes drive away. I haven't been out this close to home in a long time. The piercing itself was fine, and without a doubt the least scary aspect of the outing. It was nice to see a friendly face again after so long. I left the store feeling okay, a little buzzed even, but fell into a panic attack and broke down in the car because everything suddenly seemed too loud, too bright, too much.

Since I can't show a picture (well, technically I could, but I think I'd traumatize you all), I thought I'd share some pictures of my other piercings. There's a list and a few pics at the end of the post.

GP appointment on Thursday was weird. I dunno. I just felt totally out of it, like the appointment didn't really happen or I wasn't really there. The only thing I really took in is that she's agreed to take me off zyban (useless antidepressant and 'smoking cessation aid', hah) so I've cut back to one a day. I still don't know if she's planning on putting me on something else, or raising my mirtazapine dosage (antidepressant I've been on for years but doesn't help anymore, which was cut back when I first started zyban) back to my full dose or what... ugh.

I feel like time's speeding by before me. Where did the hour go? Where did the day go? Where did the week go?

I'm still hibernating in my lounge-cave as much as possible, hiding away and ignoring the world around me, watching docos and movies when I can zone out, too depressed and drained to get off the couch, pretending I don't exist from breakfast til dinner. I still can't explain the strange sense of calm it gives me, to feel like I'm not really in the world. It's not even 'calm' - it's a still, motionless, deflated, flat feeling, mixed with lower anxiety levels thanks to lorazepam. 

My weight is going up and down and is grandly pissing me off. I'm starting to remember why I stopped weighing myself everyday. Still using the Wii scale because I'm pathetic and too scared to know an accurate number. Dietician tomorrow. I'll update more on the current food/exercise situation later on the week. Just wanted to tell you guys about the piercing and strange GP appointment. 

Anyway, my current piercing list, for those of you interested;

• My tongue piercing, a surface piercing (pictured) Everyone said it wouldn't work, wouldn't last, but five years on and I've had no problems with it.
• My lip piercing (pictured) Again, a lot of people doubted this one, but it's lasted. Also, I've never had any dental damage from my piercings, unless you count accidentally biting the jewelry while eating.
• Two nape piercings (pictured)
• Two vertical nipple piercings
• Tongue frenulum 
• Two eyebrow piercings (right). These are my only 'unbalanced' piercings, but I can deal with it because there's two, not just one.
• A navel piercing
• A conch piercing (behind my right lobe)
• A rook piercing (right)
• An industrial/scaffold (left ear)
• Four lobe piercings (two stretched to 8 gauge)

xxBella