Monday, 31 March 2014

Piercings and Pills

So, on Friday I got my first piercing in nearly three years. 

My piercers are currently relocating one of their studios. Unfortunately for me, it's their quieter studio. Their main studio is far too busy, and even the quieter one has been too daunting when it comes to my agoraphobia in recent years, but with it's upcoming closure, I felt it was my 'last chance' to get a piercing.

Mum had kept asking if I wanted to go for a cuppa, for a walk on the beach, to the mountains, anything to get me out of the house, but to no avail. I don't feel up to doing much right now beyond lying comatose on the couch. I was starting to doubt if I'd be able to keep up with my goal of going out once a month, or if I even wanted to. But on Thursday, I impulsively decided to finally get my second nipple piercing before they closed this week. It'd be quick, quiet, and perfect timing.

I went in first thing Friday morning and thankfully it was pretty quiet. Amongst other fears, I was terrified of running into people I knew. My outings are usually as far away as possible, ideally at least 45-60 minutes drive away. I haven't been out this close to home in a long time. The piercing itself was fine, and without a doubt the least scary aspect of the outing. It was nice to see a friendly face again after so long. I left the store feeling okay, a little buzzed even, but fell into a panic attack and broke down in the car because everything suddenly seemed too loud, too bright, too much.

Since I can't show a picture (well, technically I could, but I think I'd traumatize you all), I thought I'd share some pictures of my other piercings. There's a list and a few pics at the end of the post.

GP appointment on Thursday was weird. I dunno. I just felt totally out of it, like the appointment didn't really happen or I wasn't really there. The only thing I really took in is that she's agreed to take me off zyban (useless antidepressant and 'smoking cessation aid', hah) so I've cut back to one a day. I still don't know if she's planning on putting me on something else, or raising my mirtazapine dosage (antidepressant I've been on for years but doesn't help anymore, which was cut back when I first started zyban) back to my full dose or what... ugh.

I feel like time's speeding by before me. Where did the hour go? Where did the day go? Where did the week go?

I'm still hibernating in my lounge-cave as much as possible, hiding away and ignoring the world around me, watching docos and movies when I can zone out, too depressed and drained to get off the couch, pretending I don't exist from breakfast til dinner. I still can't explain the strange sense of calm it gives me, to feel like I'm not really in the world. It's not even 'calm' - it's a still, motionless, deflated, flat feeling, mixed with lower anxiety levels thanks to lorazepam. 

My weight is going up and down and is grandly pissing me off. I'm starting to remember why I stopped weighing myself everyday. Still using the Wii scale because I'm pathetic and too scared to know an accurate number. Dietician tomorrow. I'll update more on the current food/exercise situation later on the week. Just wanted to tell you guys about the piercing and strange GP appointment. 

Anyway, my current piercing list, for those of you interested;
  • My tongue piercing, a surface piercing (pictured) Everyone said it wouldn't work, wouldn't last, but five years on and I've had no problems with it.
  • My lip piercing (pictured) Again, a lot of people doubted this one, but it's lasted. Also, I've never had any dental damage from my piercings, unless you count accidentally biting the jewelry while eating.
  • Two nape piercings (pictured)
  • Two vertical nipple piercings
  • Tongue frenulum 
  • Two eyebrow piercings (right). These are my only 'unbalanced' piercings, but I can deal with it because there's two, not just one.
  • A navel piercing
  • A conch piercing (behind my right lobe)
  • A rook piercing (right)
  • An industrial/scaffold (left ear)
  • Four lobe piercings (two stretched to 8 gauge)



  1. wait. did you say nipple piercings
    ...Bella. Bella. no. don't do this to me. just the thought of a nipple piercing on anyone turns me on and i'm on my period BELLA BELLA
    "but fell into a panic attack and broke down in the car because everything suddenly seemed too loud, too bright, too much." i'm sorry sweetie :( that's so horrible, but i'm so proud of you for going out and doing this. this is really a celebratory type thing for me. even if you still don't go out next month, you've really done well!
    YES. FINALLY. off that useless antidepressant! i'm glad. i really hope they figure it out. i'm hoping that figuring out does help. x i love you much Bells
    "I feel like time's speeding by before me. Where did the hour go? Where did the day go? Where did the week go?" this is exactly how i feel. except during the day. when i wake up, i feel like the day's never going to end. then next time i wake up, wow a week is gone. do you get what i mean?
    weighing yourself every day. yeah. the corner stone of obsession as far as i'm concerned. i'm trying to stop weighing myself like 3 times a day. because depending on fluid and what i eat, the number does change quite drastically. fuck it. like once a day isn't much! -.- why do i do this to myself why
    omg. your piercings. that is an amazing list.
    i like the ones at your neck the most.
    wow, you are hardcore, Bells. i'd have to say.

    -Sam Lupin
    PS. i love you. a lot. so much.

  2. I was soo sad when I had to take my tongue piercing out :s ... I still miss having it...

  3. Bella, you're one hardcore lady! ... no, I mean, like... those are the most elegant and yet the most painful piercings I've seen grouped on one person, and that absolutely sums up how I think of you.
    I also love the nape piercings a crazy amount, it's like stars hidden under your hair, and so elegant and pretty.

    My recent lust has been a new tattoo, but ironically, I've been deterred from the one I really want, script on the backs of my arms reading "I don't give a shit about what you think" and "because you made me who I am" because I was told they thought script tattoos are "trashy" and I was like "Oh okay yes you're right I shouldn't do it :("

  4. Piercings seem like they'd be so painful.. especially something like a nipple piercing o_O Doesn't it hurt?

  5. So basically you're a badass. :) those all look mega painful. I just went for the usual ear, nose twice, and six chest dermals. I love them and I think they suit you. Keep up the trying girl. I love you.

  6. I love piercings. I need more. I need to see all yours! I think my favourite is your lip or tongue one. I eventually want my hips and collarbones pierced. And my navel when I have the figure for it.

    I really want to see your vertical nipple piercings. I've only seen horizontal ones or combined in a cross. I'd like to see your ear ones- I've been thinking of getting some more but beyond tragus, I have no idea what to get. Which ones are your favourites (out of them all)?

    I love you for going out of the house too. :) And that you had the panic attack after, rather than before- you achieved something and an attack before may have prevented that.

    <3 xx

  7. yes i have heard loads of people that purge but don't like being involuntarily sick. i believe it's because when you are diarrhoea sick or vomiting sick, you have no true control of your body. you do not know if your symptoms are going to get worse, why you're sick, etc. things like that and i think that's exactly why i don't like diarrhoea. i think it's because i felt so flushed and tired and i hated having to leave every once and again, whereas when i'm taking laxatives, it's mostly one or two goes. even if they are ones i have to wake up for. i know exactly what i'm expecting. i do not know what i'm expecting when my body is sick on me.
    yes i've seen lactose-free things here as well. very little of them. the reason i choose soy is because it's found in much more abundance in comparison with the term "lactose-free." lactose free means that lactose has been removed from it. the actual sugar i.e. lactose. but i'm betting you 100% that they add in normal sucrose just to make up for the missing taste especially in low-fat brands. because lactose itself is one of the "healthier" sugars and if you don't have fat nor lactose to make up for the taste, then you're just going to add a bit more sugar until it tastes cool.
    i can imagine a life without fruit, honey. xD though i really did bust a lot of the fructose fear, especially because of the fact that the reason i have a fear is because i had a mango once and it resulted in some of the worst pains in my life. and i gained an enormous amount of weight afterwards due to bloating and sickness despite having eating 600-700 calories less than i normally would. i still wouldn't choose to eat them. i don't think i'm having any anymore, but out of all the detox mono's, fruit is one of them.
    i'm dying to do a good detox mono that may involve honey, but imagine eating honey all day long. like 500g of honey. that sounds so sickly i don't even want to imagine how that'll be like but i don't feel "detoxed". i have so much chocolate in my closet i for a chocolate mono but i don't know! cries.
    nipple piercings are bad? nope. in fact, they are one of my biggest turn-ons. other than intelligence and huge boobs. then again, i am equally turned on by really big ones as i am with really small ones. it depends on my mood i suppose. xD
    the funny thing i actually hate most even numbers, but with 50 and 110, i'm staring at 5 and 11 more so than the 0. and 0 is not odd or even. it's just 0. it's so...definite. besides, in my head i'm still 5'2" and if you ask most people what the perfect weight is for a 5'2" girl, it's 110lbs.
    your neck ones are astounding i won't lie.
    have a good day piercing lady! i love you too x

    -Sam Lupin

  8. I'm chicken. I can't even get a tattoo!! Fluctuating weight sucks!! It totally messes with your mind and not in a good way.

  9. i just couldn't help but read Miranda's comment. i think getting a piercing is easier than getting a tattoo but that's just me. well, for me, it'll be easier because i don't have to go through the religious vendetta. in my religion, piercings are accepted but not tattoo's.
    you want to speak Arabic for you? awwww you're too lovely. i think i might just put that onto my agenda. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
    "I wish we had a second language in Australia. Then I could tell people to stop butchering the English language. Seriously, we're as bad as the US." i can make a post just about how horrible people are with the English language here. i mean i am an exception to the rule, but oh well.
    "Hah, cute illustrations. If only it were to scale - chocolate bars the size of your head! Imagine." it was the size of my head i swear xD
    "Intolerance? Allergic to chocolate? No more dairy? No more chocolate?! Nooooo Sammy noooo! I am sad for you. Is there dairy-free chocolate available over there? Beyond the super dark stuff?" we do have the dairy-free/lacto-free chocolate here from what i know. it is hard to hunt for, and i can't have it all the time. i've never tried it. i'm frightened i won't like it. they are typically very expensive as well!
    awww you're too lovely. i'm feeling a lot better now. in fact, yesterday, i did restrict but coming around 6-ish. i felt an insane elation that had led me to consume half my body weight in food. apparently, the scale didn't recognise that i consumed half my body weight in food as i'm just about 200g up from yesterday on a 2000 calorie intake (my maintenance is just about 1600-1700).
    i hope i would remember that banking terminology! it takes me a while to catch on. for two years, two girls were trying to teach me the difference between "can" and "could". i know it now and thus, flush rather adamantly about it.

    -Sam Lupin

  10. I love you and your piercings. I'm sorry my head has imploded into a messy mountain of shit and that I've been so absent but please remember that I love you so so so much. xxxx

  11. Gosh please help me with advice on nipple piercings. I've been debating about doing my left nipple for nearly a year now. It's been very good for me here in Italy to not have a scale. You're so right about weight fluctuating every day, during the day. I have hope that you can weigh less often. This may be too weird... but can I see your nipple piercings? I've only seen one before, my friend has her left pierced. You could e-mail it I guess? Let me know, I totes don't want to come off as creepy!!!! XO