Thursday, 8 November 2012

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately, but I'm reading everyone's posts and I'm going to get on to commenting after this. Thanks to those who've been commenting - you guys mean the world to me.

Lately I've been floating through my days. It's quite nice, really. I have every meal and snack planned so I don't have to give a thought to what to eat. I'm just waiting for time to pass. I've hit a point where I've realised that there is really nothing I want to eat. It doesn't even matter what I eat, or if I eat. I feel like yelling Eureka! and laughing like a maniac. It doesn't matter!

I've started to add Ensure back into my meal plan. Less food. Currently I'm eating a little under 1,000, and having an Ensure to make up the other 200. I guess I'm just giving myself an 'adjusting' period. Cutting the first 200 calories was way too easy, and the next 200 will be quick and painless too. Starting on 800 next week - potentially still with Ensure. It'll be gone within two weeks though, at most. And then I just have to wait for the scales to start going down.

My appointment with my dietician on Tuesday was routine. My weight is remarkably unremarkable - exactly the same as it's been for the past 3-4 weeks. She asked if I'd seen a GP yet to get my heart/lungs/chest checked out, saying that it should really be a priority. I nodded slowly, eyes fixed on the floor. I really just don't care, to be honest - it doesn't matter. Then she mentioned raising my intake, just a little bit, to 1,300 or so. I just nodded, staring at the floor. We left it at 1,200 for this week. I'm certainly not going to jump up and down for more calories, especially when they're dropping very soon anyway. It's just too much. It doesn't matter.

While we were there, Mum made an appointment to see the dietician two hours later, so she's getting back on track. The other day, she kept asking about my calorie counting app (I use MyFitnessPal, for those of you wondering) and I showed her how it works. Anyway, I didn't think it would be the most useful thing for mum as she doesn't need to count calories - she just wants to keep track of her blood sugars and be able to look up carb content. Instead I found her a proper diabetes-targeted app to track her blood sugars and weight, and she quite likes it. She's also going to go buy a calorie & carb counter book from the newsagency. I've always loved those little books.

There's maybe two weeks until I start restricting again.

How low can I go?



  1. I hope you're ok dear Bella

    You are precious

    Sending you love and a hug x

    Ps: Love the new blog layout

  2. Hello Bella Boo, little starshine. I'm really struggling to find words today but know that I love you, very much. Do you still enjoy making recipes or anything else or is everything a drain? Love you xxx