I am far too big. And it is not okay. And it will stop.
I finished my grand 800 calorie meal plan today. It's perfect. I started using it straight away, though still with Ensures to bring me up to 1,200 calories. Unless something happens before Tuesday, I'm going to be dropping the Ensures and doing this for real as of then. I need to get this fucking weight off. I do not want to look 'healthy'. I want to look emaciated. Fuck healthy, fuck fat, fuck food. Sorry for the language. I just need to get this weight off. I need to.
I am chanting at the bit to get back to weight loss - Tuesday could not come soon enough. I want to drop my calories on a Tuesday (weigh day), so I'll be able to get a better view of my weight changes. Two more days, two more days. I can wait two more days. And then, I will shrink and I will not look healthy - not to anyone. I will get lower than I've ever been before.
I'm seeing the dentist on Monday, for the first time in quite a while. I don't dislike the dentist, but I do dislike leaving the house full-stop. And then the dietician on Tuesday. She's going to tell me it's a waste of time for me to keep seeing her if I drop my calories, I know it. And then I'll be alone.
Sorry for my consistently pointless ramblings. Come Tuesday, I'll be losing weight again and my ramblings won't be so pointless.
I. Am. Done.