Thursday, 22 November 2012

Who holds the key that can set us free?.. It's You.

I'm floating along today, aiming for under 600 calories. I've just had a lovely bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, cooked with mashed banana, wheat bran, cinnamon & Stevia, for 130 calories. I've finally found a way to eat bananas - I just don't like them raw! I've also had 6 cups of coffee (48oz) for another 15 calories so far. I feel great having lost some weight this past week, and I really want to keep it up.

I've never lost weight eating this much. My first time losing a lot of weight (from 75kg to 43kg), I ate maybe 100-150 calories. Last time, I dropped from 66kg to 41kg (loss of 25kg / 55lb) in about four months, when I cut straight back down to 50 a day without fail. 
Then after hypoglycemia came into the picture this time last year, my intake's gone up a lot. I need to make sure I get at least 120g carbohydrates a day to keep my blood sugars stable. Do the math - with carbs being 4 cal/gram, I need to eat a bare minimum of 480 cals if I live on pure carbs. And very few things (even fruit and vege), have zero protein or fats, so there's more calories. 

Most days I'm still having normal foods, which is why I'm at 800. Breakfast is usually oatmeal with fruit, lunch is a cheese & salad sandwich with a side of peaches. In the afternoon, I make a fruit salad of strawberries, watermelon & cantaloupe - size depending on how many more carbs I'm going to need (or a nonfat yoghurt, if I can 'afford' the protein). For dinner, my standby is a small piece of hoki with oven-fries and salad, or a baked potato with salad. I treat myself a little after dinner, and have either a Special K bar or a fat-free chocolate Snack Pack. My choices depend on what else I've eaten, and how many carbs I need. Example, I can't have fish for dinner if I've had yoghurt in the afternoon. Too much protein = not enough carbs = hypoglycemia (or having to eat over 800 - hell no).

Today I'm having oatmeal again for lunch, and a baked spud for dinner. I should come out just shy of 600, which is fantabulous at the moment. Mum's gone away for a couple of nights, so I'm just being lazy. I don't particularly want to have fish for dinner or cheese at lunch, but my family appreciate the normality of it. I don't (never have, never will) lie to my family about what I do and don't eat, I've never felt the need to. 
Mum actually asked me a couple of months ago, if I was purging again. I went completely batshit at her and screamed and cried about "why would you think that!? You know I've never hidden anything like that! If I was purging, I'd have told you."  Considering I woke everyone up when I was sick the other night, I'm pretty damn sure she'd know if I was purging, haha.

I'm going to weigh myself in a week or two. My leggings are hanging off me now, baggy as hell. Mum said they look like trackies. I definitely feel like I've lost a kilo or two, but the scale shall tell the tale.


1 comment:

  1. Hope you're doing ok Bella. Keep strong beautiful and take it easy on yourself :) xx