Monday, 24 June 2013

Small steps forward

I'm finding it a little easier each day to distract myself with sewing. Just little bursts. Half an hour after breakfast, maybe another half hour in the afternoon. But I'm feeling motivated. The coffee table is covered with fabrics, paper, pins. I finished cutting out the fabrics for my coat today. It's a surprisingly hard job nowadays, maneuvering so much fabric and such big pattern pieces, so I haven't been going full-steam. I still have to do a few other bits n bobs first, but I should be actually sewing it by Wednesday. I think it's a hobby that might just stick (or re-stick). I've also been thinking of getting back into fashion sketching/design, for another something to fill the hours.

My intake was 620 cals on Saturday and 590 yesterday. Today will be similar. My small achievement for this week is that I've been eating five meals a day for the past few days, whereas I'd been skipping 2-3. I think it's important to keep myself distracted in some way before meals especially, so I don't have too much time to sit and let the negative self-talk brew. Mum asks me what I'm planning before each meal time, and we eat together, so it's not like I can totally avoid a meal. At the same time, if I say "nope, not eating lunch", we don't argue over it because it just causes stress on both parties. I'm eating basically the same things for each meal, but that's how it usually is. 
My menu at the moment consists of: wholemeal bread, Vegemite, cheddar slices, strawberry yoghurt, beef & veggie stew, lamb & veggie soup, animal cookies, chocolate custard. Plus coffee and Coke Zero.

Some good news on the smoking front: I'm set to be off the green stuff in the next week or so (fingers crossed it sticks!), which seems crazy, and I've been smoking under 5 cigarettes a day. I still have a month until I see the physician again, and I want to be able to go in a non-smoker (lest he again recommend I see a 'specialist' for my addiction). It's pretty exciting stuff. I started smoking cigarettes when I was 13, and I've been a daily toker for a smidge over three years now, so it's been a little while since I was last a 'non-smoker'.

Tomorrow morning I'm seeing the dietician, then she's away for two weeks. She's asked me to see the GP during those weeks so I have some support/routine, so I'll probably make an appointment when I'm there tomorrow. My biggest worry is about not being weighed for so long, though I guess that's just something I need to let go of for a few weeks.



  1. Bella I am overjoyed to read this
    Baby steps all the way girl!
    Baby steps add up to be great strides
    Having a purpose makes such a difference I think
    And having a sense of accomplishment is so good for the soul and self worth

    You have a creative gift, an amazing talent with your hands
    I hope it's giving you something to live for

    By the way I've been thinking about you and your mum, probably because I live with my mum too
    I asked my own mother if she would be willing to speak to another carer by email
    She said she would love to
    So if your mum needed a bit of support I can pass on my mum's email address
    I don't know if it would help but it can't hurt
    Anyway think about and let me know
    No pressure at all, just if she felt like talking to someone in the same boat

    All my love x

  2. I'm so so glad beyond words to read that you sound like you're doing better! Ruby is right - baby steps to add up to be great strides. And you are striding away girl!!

    I can't wait to see your accomplishments!

    Keep stepping, keep fighting!

    Loads of love and warm hugsxxx

  3. Yay I'm glad that you decided to make an appointment.
    You're doing amazing on the smoking front, especially since you've been doing it for so long. Keep up the good work and you'll definitely be able to meet your goal.

  4. o: it's so cool that you're sewing a coat. i made a terrible excuse for a t-shirt once, when i was really bored. i bet your coat will come out way better than that did, obviously. but it's so fun to make something yourself that you can use more than once. :] have fun making it!

  5. It's fantastic to hear you're working away on your coat love! I've been worried about you and you've been in my thoughts and prayers, like I always say, but I know things have been rough lately. Keep moving forward and don't forget that you're beautiful and I love you!

  6. Wow it's absolutely wonderful to see you being so mature and inspiring about your health.
    I'm so jealous! I wish I knew how to sew. I bet you're awesome at it. XD

    <3 Take care of yourself.