There's a stillness to the madness...

I'm stuck in a rut with my intake. For three months now, I've been eating the same 800-1,000 calories. My weight's jumping up and down whenever it pleases, though thankfully I've been mostly maintaining overall (44-45kg, 12.8-13.1 BMI). I'm getting frustrated with it all. I either need to eat more so my metabolism can actually function, or I need to be eating less. Yet again, I'm at a crossroad. One path involves my dietician, the other is a lone walk. At the moment I dread each appointment with my dietician, each weigh in. I can't stay where I am now, and I need to get out of this rut; one way or another.

It seems I've lost my voice, literally. The last week has been filled with crying and screaming, I've lost my frikkin' voice. I've been in tears near-constantly, and sometimes all you can do is scream. My throat's not even sore, I just can't speak more than a whisper. There's still a few more days until I'm off Paroxetine completely, and hopefully then things'll start looking up bit. For now I'm taking it easy, or trying to at least. 

I've just had homemade stew out of the freezer for dinner (135 cal for a cup - beef, onion, tomato, carrot, potato), which makes things super easy. I'm planning on an early night curled up on the couch with a big fluffy duvet, the air conditioner on heating, curtains drawn and lights dimmed. Oh, and Disney movies, should my brain cooperate in concentrating. Tomorrow night, after my weigh in, I'll be adding a bottle of Shiraz into the picture. For tonight, a hot cuppa will just have to do. 

I'm seeing the dietician in the morning, and then I guess we'll see what the week ahead will bring. Be it higher or lower, my calorie intake is changing. 

xxBella