Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Stumbling

I had a lot of trouble talking with the dietician again. There was lots of shrugging, mumbling, staring at the floor. My mind was too foggy to think of much to say. She asked about my mood (low) and my intake (600 average), and how my chest was feeling (bad).

She weighed me and my weight had dropped, by quite a bit apparently. She said it's lower than it's been in a long, long time. That there's a trend of it dropping since I've had my lung issues, and it's not good. Something about heading for a crisis. She's pushing that I need I see a GP for another checkup, OBs and bloods etc., to see if anything's changed internally along with my intake dropping, or that mum will have to take me to A&E for the same (hah, no).

My GP is away too, so I'm a bit stuck for the next couple of weeks be side I won't see one of the other GPs. I've made an appointment with mine for the 12th though, just before the dietician comes back on the 16th. The dietician also offered for me to see her colleague just to be weighed if I wanted, but to be honest, I don't really trust other people to weigh me. 

I'm getting curious about knowing what my weight is again. But I don't know if it would serve any good purpose, so I'm holding back for now. 

Mum's recently kept saying that she wanted to make a banana-bran cake. So yesterday I took it upon myself to whip up a loaf, plus an impulsive loaf of carrot cake for her. After that, and the appointment, I was tired out, so I didn't do any work on my coat. This morning though, I did the last little bits of work prepping it, so tomorrow is the day to actually, finally start sewing it. I'm feeling able to keep myself distracted and productive for a couple of hours each day, until the fog sets in, which is still more than I've been able to say for a while. 

I'm aiming to have maybe just a couple of days closer to 800 calories, as the dietician keeps suggesting, before she gets back. Today will be around 700, so it's a start. 


xxBella

5 comments:

  1. That is a start. It's probably bad to increase your intake too fast. But then, what do I know. >_<

    <3

    I hope you start feeling better.

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  2. I hope you can up your intake soon, I do believe it will help with the fog. Back in my ana hay-day,or even now when I'm fasting, that same sort of foggy state kicks in...usually along with depressed feelings. Don't let the dietician being gone fuel you to lose, let it fuel you to eat better, even just slightly. That way you can have a pat on the back waiting for you, one that you deserve. And if you can eat just slightly more, you may gain back enough energy to bake and sew and not have to choose between the two.

    As far as weighing yourself...just ask yourself. Can you handle that information? Will you do anything productive with the information the scale provides you? Or will you be depressed, be destructive? Just think a lot about it before you do it. Either way, sending lots of love your way Bella, I think about you often, even when I take breaks from reading blogs and I do hope you start feeling better soon <3

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  3. Mmm carrot cake! I made cookies on impulse. Somehow it makes me ile to bike for others. I'm sorry you're so down love. Keep moving forward and working on your coat. Distract yourself. Don't forget I love you.

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  4. It's good that you don't weigh yourself at home. I think it's a mark of perseverance that you can stay off the scale between visits.
    And I think that making carrot cake instead of your coat still counts as time well spent. If it tired you out then it must have felt good doing it, right? :)

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  5. Lol boohoo poor you, do you honestly think people care? Your mum must be so bored of your pathetic selfish drivel, and no wonder your brother thinks you are a sad loser. Get a grip and sort yourself out. Nobody else gives a shit, and you are wasting doctor/nutritionist time that should be used for someone who deserves it. Not somebody who sits at home on a state pension when they have contributed fuck all. And added to that you aren't even that thin, there are people way thinner than you who just get on with it instead of all this attention seeking. Loser

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