Today seemed busy, though it was really more stress than anything else. I started the day with two appointments in my calendar, which always seems to overwhelm me.
This morning I saw the dietician, usual Tuesday routine. My anxiety levels were high after a week of eating 700-1,000 calories, and as always I was prepared for a gain. But amazingly enough, my metabolism played nicely, and my weight stayed exactly the same. I love the way she says "exactly the same".
She asked what changes I've been making on the days I get closer to 1,000, and I told her about my lunch and dinner goals. Now she wants me to aim for a minimum of 1,000 every day this week. Cringe.
I have to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this, why I started working with the dietician in the first place. Rightly or wrongly, I don't want to end up in inpatient (or outpatient) treatment again and have to gain weight. I can either work towards eating a little more on my own terms, or be forced to eat a lot more. I don't want to land myself in A&E with the horrible psychiatrist, I need to keep myself as stable as I can.
Then I was supposed to see the thoracic physician for my check-up this afternoon, but didn't quite make it there.
Around midday I banged my foot, and it sent me keeling over in a world of pain. I got dizzy, nauseous, lost my vision; the whole shebang. Mum helped me to a chair, and I fell straight off again, so it was to the couch to lie down. She took my blood pressure and it'd dropped to 90/46 and my pulse 66. It came back up to 107/61 after 20 minutes and a cold drink, but now I'm just hoping I haven't broken something.
I thought I'd be okay, but I couldn't make it out to the car, let alone into the appointment. My foot's aching constantly, starting to swell, and I can't move or put pressure on it without feeling like I'm about to pass out in pain.
The physician appointment's been rescheduled for the same time tomorrow (thank god for cancellations), and hopefully I'll be in less pain by then. If not, I'll probably be at the GP in the morning.
It's been a long and stressful day, so I'm about to retreat to the couch, put my feet up, and have a few glasses of wine (which seems to be becoming a weekly ritual again).