Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Appointments and Injury

Today seemed busy, though it was really more stress than anything else. I started the day with two appointments in my calendar, which always seems to overwhelm me. 

This morning I saw the dietician, usual Tuesday routine. My anxiety levels were high after a week of eating 700-1,000 calories, and as always I was prepared for a gain. But amazingly enough, my metabolism played nicely, and my weight stayed exactly the same. I love the way she says "exactly the same". 
She asked what changes I've been making on the days I get closer to 1,000, and I told her about my lunch and dinner goals. Now she wants me to aim for a minimum of 1,000 every day this week. Cringe.

I have to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this, why I started working with the dietician in the first place. Rightly or wrongly, I don't want to end up in inpatient (or outpatient) treatment again and have to gain weight. I can either work towards eating a little more on my own terms, or be forced to eat a lot more. I don't want to land myself in A&E with the horrible psychiatrist, I need to keep myself as stable as I can.

Then I was supposed to see the thoracic physician for my check-up this afternoon, but didn't quite make it there.

Around midday I banged my foot, and it sent me keeling over in a world of pain. I got dizzy, nauseous, lost my vision; the whole shebang. Mum helped me to a chair, and I fell straight off again, so it was to the couch to lie down. She took my blood pressure and it'd dropped to 90/46 and my pulse 66. It came back up to 107/61 after 20 minutes and a cold drink, but now I'm just hoping I haven't broken something. 

I thought I'd be okay, but I couldn't make it out to the car, let alone into the appointment. My foot's aching constantly, starting to swell, and I can't move or put pressure on it without feeling like I'm about to pass out in pain. 

The physician appointment's been rescheduled for the same time tomorrow (thank god for cancellations), and hopefully I'll be in less pain by then. If not, I'll probably be at the GP in the morning. 

It's been a long and stressful day, so I'm about to retreat to the couch, put my feet up, and have a few glasses of wine (which seems to be becoming a weekly ritual again).



  1. Oh no darling I really hope your foot is ok!! You poor thing! :/ I am so proud of you for upping the intake - you didn't gain! :) keep up the momentum darling x lots of love, and hope your foot is better soon xx

  2. Congrats on keeping up the calories! You're doing amazing by setting the small meal goals, and I know you can make new ones to help you keep up the good work this week.
    Weight is a very strange thing. I'm trying not to trust it anymore, because it seems like when I'm most worried about my weight it goes down, and when I think I'm losing and getting skinny I've gained.

  3. I hope you didnt injure your foot too seriously!

    I'm really glad to hear that keeping a higher intake hasn't affected your weight. You are doing so good, keep up the baby steps and soon enough you won't have to worry about inpatient treatment anymore!

    Stay positive Bella. Sending you lots of love.

  4. Good job on eating more. You can do this. And you're right, it's way better than inpatient. Sorry about your foot. Feel better!

  5. I'm sorry you hurt your foot! Foot injuries suck more I think because they just send tremors up your whole leg. I hope it feels better soon. Much love hon, keep up the eating and stay strong.

  6. You are so brave to share this part of your day/world. Thank you.

  7. I remember when my horse at the time reared up and stomped on my toe. That was sore for a bit. Those darn little things hurt when you snag them on something. Keep moving forward lovely. The best way to combat the anxiety is to do something it hates a few times. I love you.

  8. If you made it to the rescheduled appointment I hope it went well? And that things feel a bit calmer than a few days ago. I love you lots and lots my little starshine xxx

  9. I hope your foot is okay soon. I'm glad you did well eating higher calories. You're doing really great at the moment :) xx

  10. Oh no I hope you're not in too much pain with your foot!! Keep up your fantastic work! My kitty and rabbit send you big hugsxxxx

  11. Oh no! I hope your foot is okay now... Sounds scary...kinda like a broken bone or something... please update us? <3

  12. Glad to hear you're staying grounded with your intake. Gaining/maintaining can be emotionally exhausting, but it is the absolute BEST thing you can do for yourself right now. Physically and mentally. And hope your foot feels better soon!! <3