The past week can be described as nothing but stressful. I feel incredibly anxious, edgy all the time. I know I need to start eating more and stop losing weight, but trying to do it without any guidance isn't working. I start the day with the best intentions, telling myself that I can eat an extra hundred calories, or that I can join in on a family dinner. But when the time comes to actually eat, fear and guilt take over, and what I'd planned to eat suddenly seems excessive. By the end of the day, I'm back to square one.
Best laid plans of mice and men.
The anxiety that comes with choosing how many calories and what foods to eat is overwhelming, and I end up sticking with what's safe. That's why I need the dietician; because I have no idea what I'm doing. I know I can't afford to lose more weight, but the prospect of gaining terrifies me, and it seems an impossible balance to find maintenance on my own. It's the same spot I always find myself in.
My head's running a mile a minute, and it's all in circles. I can't seem to focus in any one direction.
I feel like I have to keep myself busy, probably because I don't want to stop and think too much. So, it's time for me to whip up a fresh batch of stew for the week ahead (lean beef, carrot, potato, onion, tomato, stock, flour & seasonings), then I'm getting stuck into a new sewing project. I've started working on a dress... a cute little 1952 summer number. I don't know if I'll ever wear it, but it's something fun to distract myself with. After that, I'll be making a full-length super warm wool coat, though for now I'd like a break from the pattern.
Thank you to everyone for the marvelous feedback on my coat. It really helped quieten all those niggling doubts I had about it.