Tuesday, 30 July 2013

It's Tuesday. Again.

I saw the dietician this morning, though it was one of those weeks where I just wanted to stay home and not engage with the world. The past week hasn't been great, and my intake reflected that. Each day has been anywhere between 550-930 calories, with most days around 700.

She weighed me early on in the appointment, whereas normally it's left until last. As she typed the numbers into the computer, she said she's "not a happy camper". My weight dropped again. Mum cringed. I felt nothing. I tried to make light of things, saying it must be the extra calorie burn from the crutches. 

We talked quickly about my foot after she read the notes left by my GP. I only made it off the crutches yesterday, determined not to need them for my appointment this morning. It still aches and twinges and has limited mobility, but it's a lot better than it was a week ago. 
That said, I have a huge black bruise on the underside of my foot that I noticed for the first time this afternoon. Combined with the fact I'm still having trouble bending my toes, it might be time to go back to the GP. 

Anyway, the dietician said I'm not to have a single day under 1,000 calories this week, that it's increasingly important to start raising my intake. I'm also supposed to rest and stay off my feet as much as I can, but honestly, I don't think it's possible to be less active than I already am. I spend most of my day sitting, it's not like I go running about the house. In the kitchen I sit at the bench to prepare food, or just to make a cup of coffee, even when my foot isn't injured. I told her this. She suggested I start asking mum to make my coffees.

I know what I need to do to raise my intake, it's just a matter of convincing myself to actually do it. I can plan my days to eat 1,000 calories, I just don't eat it all. I'm wondering if it's time to enlist Ensures, but I think I'll give it another week.

As I mentioned, the past week has been pretty intense and crappy, hence the lack of posting. I can't even explain.
Mum called my GP yesterday, told her I was still manic, and she upped my Seroquel to 400mg. The GP said she was going to be asking another professional for advice regarding my medication, which makes me nervous as hell, but apparently that's happening in the next few weeks. Hopefully it'll lead to some form of stability. 

Here's to a better week ahead. 



  1. Hey hun, this just makes me want to hug you. You know, maybe you shouldn't plan. Sometimes I know I'm hungry and I just go into the kitchen and I measure about something or just put portions on my plate and eat. I'll read or talk to my mom and I'll just do it. No planning. I know you can mentally calculate but maybe you could just stay mentally busy?
    The foot deal is no good. Maybe try icing it? The bruises are the best! Battle wounds! :P
    Keep trying. Smile a little bit. Then imagine me giving you a great big Willow tree sized hug and smile broader. I love you. I'll be saying a prayer this week.

  2. I'm sorry your week has been so crappy ): Try to stay strong. I hope your foot gets better!

  3. Try to safe Bella
    Try to fight
    Ensures may be a good idea to bump up your calories
    I am supposed to be taking them too but I haven't been

    You're in my thoughts and prayers as always

    Much love sweetheart x

  4. sorry about your horrible week :c
    I hope you manage to convince yourself to eat over 1000 each day, you can fight this!
    have a good week<3

  5. Hey there

    Lovely blog.
    You're awefully pretty!
    Just wanted to leave that here.
    Have a great day!

  6. I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been the best dear... :(
    But you can and you will get through all this, so be strong! Remember we are always here to support you! xoxo

  7. Hope you can fight to hit that 1000 calorie mark every day (maybe even higher!). You are worthy, your body deserves to be fueled, nourished, and loved, and you deserve to be in better health. I know it's easier said than done but your body can only take so much, so please consider that while trying to eat. I really hope your foot feels better soon too! You'll be in my thoughts, as always!

  8. <3

    I don't know what to say. It seems like you've been struggling to get your calories up for a while, so maybe the ensure is a good idea...

    Good luck with whatever you choose to do though.