Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Bare legs and breakdowns

I went to the dietician dressed in a skirt and singlet, no jumper or fleece-tights required. It was already 28*c by 8am, heading to 38*c, and the only Tuesday of the year that I haven't been utterly freezing en route to my appointment. As much as I hate the extreme heat and the risks associated, I'm loving being able to dress like a normal person. No layers, no snow coats or polar fleece.

My weight stayed the same, which is a relief considering Saturday night. Regardless, I cringed when the dietician said it'd stayed the same. She's not too happy with where my weight is now, to say the least, and wants to see an increase. But I'm still so driven away from weight gain, I don't know why she keeps seeing me.
Broke down in tears six times yesterday.

Today, I'm planning to make soup and wholemeal croutons to last me the next week. My dinner plan is to have either tomato soup or Caesar salad, both using the croutons. I've been craving tomato like mad lately, so I'm glad the weather's cooling back down.

Onto some crafty news... Initially I felt a little disheartened with the cross stitch kit. Back in my day (at the grand old age of 20), the designs were printed onto the cloth. Now they give you blank cloth and a pattern to work from, which I've never done before. So I had a little learning curve. But after I got motivated to start it, it's been a really good distraction. I'm planning to finish it in the next couple of days - it's only a tiny kitty - and I think I'll buy more.

P.S, sorry for all the leg photos recently, I'm sure you're all tired of seeing them. They're the only part of my body I feel halfway-confident with at the moment. Sigh.



  1. Holy toothpicks! You have the most amazing legs! How do they even hold you up you're so tiny!!

  2. Aw hun... I know it's hard right now and gaining is terrifying. Just don't get too disheartened and know that I am thinking of you. You're really a beautiful person and you will be even with one pound or even a healthy amount of pounds. I'm giving you a huge hug because you deserve it.
    PS haha yes! My mom used to do them amd the pattern was on the cloth! How times change I suppose.
    Take care sweetie

  3. I love cross stitch - hate having to try to count/estimate how far a line should be. I'm doing a 'Gorjuss' one at the moment, I have been for like.....3 years haha! Not to be rude, but how much do you weigh? I think you look awesome and even though I'm losing nothing is changing (which often results in a psycho binge) xxxxxxx

  4. I agree with Eve, you are beautiful regardless of your weight Bella and you are very small at the moment. I'm sorry things are so hard for you, I can see that the thought of gaining is terrifying but you need to look after yourself. Sorry I'm so terrible at commenting by the way, I know I should more often.
    Good luck with the cross stitch :)
    Alice xx

  5. love and hugs sweetie <3 hope to see a picture of the cross stitch soon :) keep fighting! xx

  6. So I've finally read your entire blog. I really love it. I can relate to so many parts and my heart goes out to you.
    I hope one day soon that you can find the strength to heal your body and your mind. Please don't think you are an awful person, I know there are a lots of things that you haven't put on this blog but don't think you are alone. We have all done things we aren't proud of but someone else will have done the same thing for different reasons.
    Keep safe.

  7. Aw... =/ are you okay? You're already really thin... like, scary... please, please, please be careful. You're an amazing person.

  8. hey bella :) im soo glad that you have finally found something to occupy your mind,,,plz try to broaden that list gradually and try to find more distractions..having nothing to do often unleashes a train of thoughts in my case:P and its nice to hear that you have been comfortable in the way you dress now :) :) loadz of love still thinking about you
    poppy :)

  9. hey bella can you please post your recipe of tomato soup and how many calories it has in 1 serving?

  10. Oh my goodness, I wish I had your legs!!! Wow! xo

  11. youre beautiful love. and i would have said that even if you hadnt posted a picture of two toothpicks. :P im sorry youve been crying recently, amd i hope things start getting calmer. *hugs*

    stay lovely. <3

  12. I don't think I would be able to stitch anything if all I had to work from was a pattern that didn't outline exactly where to put the needle. Will you post a picture when you're done? :D
    Your dietician keeps seeing you because 1. you or your insurance is paying her, 2. she cares about you, and 3. because if you're not gaining weight when you need to it's a sign that you could use some (dieticional) therapy.
    Probably mostly #s 2 and 3.
    It's hard gaining weight. It's horrible. Don't give up! We love you and your family loves you and we would hold you while you cried over a pound (or a tenth of a pound, or no weight at all) any day, every day. And we would try to be strong for you.
    Hugs to you!

  13. Yummy, tomato soup! i wish it were warm over here, always freezing.
    I'm also glad that neither you nor your dietician have given up.
    Keep posting, hun, I'm always reading :)

  14. I wish it were that warm over here; we have snow! I'm glad you love dressing like a normal person, I still can't get over how thin you are, or how long your legs are. Look after yourself <3 xxx