I saw the GP yesterday. It was just one of those days, and I didn't feel much like talking. She put me up to 100mg seroquel, and gave me more ointment for my fingers to see if I can avoid antibiotics. As soon as we left I cried in the car. Just one of those days.
Today has been routine. I'm moments away from bed, and my calories are slightly under 500 for the day. Yesterday was more like 900. I'm doing what I can with each meal, but most meals I just have my safe 100-cal options. Soup, apples, grapes, toast and yoghurt are my 'go-to's right now. Sometimes, like yesterday, I'll cook a family dinner, or we'll all share cheese and crackers. But most of the time, I just have zilch motivation for food.
I can't wait to talk with my dietician on Friday. I feel lost and confused, like I'm stumbling around while my head's at war. Lose, maintain, eat, don't eat. I'm breaking down in tears and hurting myself more again. I just need something to ground me, something to end the chaos. I need a reason not to lose more. But there isn't one. Until then...
In an effort to ignore everything going on in my head, I've been doing needlework like crazy. I stitched this lost little teddy bear in four days. Obviously, I have precious little else to do with my time. Technically it's a needlepoint, not a cross stitch, but whatever. Isn't he just adorable?