I've again come to the realization that my days are very empty. I sit in my chair and smoke and pick, and I wait for time to pass.
I simply don't know what to do with myself.
Why is it so hard to figure out? Do people normally stare into space all day, not sure what to do?
I need to change this. I'm trying, but it's difficult. I don't even do much walking around at the moment because I just don't have the energy. Mum is helping to prepare my food again. And I feel horribly stuck.
I need a goal, I need motivation. I just need something to do.
Maybe I'm depressed. I don't know. I just feel down. My head is a lot calmer since starting seroquel though, which is brilliant. I have my bad days, but I don't feel constantly manic anymore.
We're in the middle of another heat wave, with nearly two weeks straight of over 30*c. I can't wait for autumn to set in. So I've been hiding inside and trying to keep my fluids up, which I'm still failing at most days for some unknown reason. Mum and I have been catching up on Masterchef: The Professionals, so that's been a good distraction.
After the few days of excessive food and drink last week (which did result in a gain), I'm so glad to be back to routine again. I'm back to my tomato soup for 40 calories per cup (and three serves of veggies!), and the bag of grapes is disappearing at a rapid rate. My intake's sitting around 5-600 again, which isn't too bad either way.
On a final note, I had my first Golden Delicious of the season today! It was amazing. So now you don't have to hear me mope about missing my favourite apples anymore.