Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Better the Devil you know

Weight: 44.4 kg (97.7 lb)
BMI: 13.0

I couldn't gussy up the strength to get on the scales myself, but it's been driving me crazy. I asked my dietician to tell me how much I've lost.

Recently, I've been putting off weighing myself. It's been pushing me to want to lose 'more' first - even when I've been trying to rationalize maintaining my weight again.
I've lost 3kg (6.6lb) in the last few months. Before that, I'd been maintaining.
The last time I weighed myself was the morning of my first appointment with her, so I already had an accurate starting weight (47.4kg - BMI 13.8). And I think I've mentioned before, I weigh my clothes on my kitchen scales, and construct weigh-day outfits accordingly.

I can't seem to explain why, but for now at least, I think I can work towards maintaining again. Maybe because its a nice number, maybe because its safely under 100lbs.

Either way, my dietician was pleased with my reaction. It hasn't triggered me further down the rabbit hole, and hopefully it can actually help with my journey towards 'maintenance'.

The last week has been totally emotionally draining, and I haven't really had much to say. I'm hoping the next week will be better, and I'll be able to gather my thoughts about all this.



  1. I have the same relationship with my scale. I'm always putting off weighing myself until I lose just a little more weight. Seems like I'm always waiting to lose more weight.

    "I'll call so-and-so to catch up, as soon as I lose a few more pounds."

    "I'll go check out that new club, as soon as I lose a few more pounds."


    Good luck maintaining. I know you can do it! You're so strong and beautiful, you can do anything :)

  2. I luuuuuuurrrve you dear. I'm glad you're doing better with accepting the maintenance! I'm sending you a massive hug because you absolutely deserve it sweetie. I'm thinking of you!

  3. Good to hear you are motivated to maintain hunn. Take it in strides. You are a lovely person and deserve the best. Take care of yourself. Xoxo

  4. I truly hope that you don't lose anymore sweetheart, you really can't afford to, I hope you can take care of yourself although I know it's futile to say that in the face of this illness.
    I worry about your health, I really do, it makes me so sad to think of you in this hell, and it is hell

    As ever I love you and want the best for you

    Stay safe x

  5. best of luck with maintaining doll, all my love and support :) as for feeling drained, do you take any kind of vitamins or anything? i found that they gave me a bit of a boost, and you deserve to be happy :) take care xxxx

  6. Did she give you a kcal guide to maintain? Or is that what she had been telling you before anyway or was that a gain intake?

    Love you bella boo, little sweetheart, xxxx

  7. Good luck maintaining Bella darling. I hope you will be ok <3
    Alice xx

  8. Good luck maintaining... Have you noticed your weight is all 4's? Haha I dunno.. seems like a lucky thing (maybe it's just me?). Maybe it's a good sign for you!

  9. Yay! Good luck! It sounds from your later posts like you're still trying for this. Keep going!