As much as I can try to rationalize maintaining my weight, there is still a bigger challenged posed in actually eating more. I've been managing to edge closer 1,000 calories, but 1,200, 1,500... God forbid, more? Every single day?!
I've still been sticking to my safe foods a lot, though I'm pushing a couple of rules. Things like rice and chicken or lean meats in small amounts have always been okay, but I now might also indulge in sauce. Family dinner type things. I still always endeavor to make every meal as low in calories as I can, for that given food, especially if I'm cooking dinner. Portion size would be a huge wall too, so I need to start working on eating denser foods. I generally eat about 1/4-1/2 of what my mum or brother would, at any given meal, and it's less than I know I should eat in any weight-maintaining scenario.
It's harder to eat more when I don't have the energy to cook much since I've been sick (which is my one of my main motivations for food), especially at the end of the day. I might bake something simple like banana-bran bread or wholemeal scones first thing in the morning some days to fill the freezer for snack options, but for dinner I'll usually be reheating frozen homemade soup. Mum can cook for me, but I've been eating early most nights since I've been sick this past month, so it's just easier to defrost something. Not to mention my coughing and pill-regime, but my blood pressure's been dropping to 110/51-62, though it can go as high as 140-150/*, which kinda explains my exhaustion.
I'm not coping with anything well, potentially exacerbated by my currently sickness. I don't want to think about food, I haven't left the house in 6+ weeks, I've been a long time without a time-filling distraction, let alone something meaningful filling my days. Nothing seems worth talking about, because there's nothing in my days to talk about. Deeper issues are off the cards completely. They seem too pointless to discuss when it all seems like old news.
At the moment I'm enjoying my week without appointments, which I seem to have had a lot of lately, as quiet as it is. Hopefully the next one will be the dietician on Tuesday, apparently for a birthday visit. I have plans to bake an epic birthday cake (there's only so many chances per year!), but that's about it. I'm also hoping to start working on a crafty project for kitty soon, so we'll see how that goes (*fingers crossed I stay motivated*).