Sunday, 28 April 2013

The Calorie Quandary

As much as I can try to rationalize maintaining my weight, there is still a bigger challenged posed in actually eating more. I've been managing to edge closer 1,000 calories, but 1,200, 1,500... God forbid, more? Every single day?!

I've still been sticking to my safe foods a lot, though I'm pushing a couple of rules. Things like rice and chicken or lean meats in small amounts have always been okay, but I now might also indulge in sauce. Family dinner type things. I still always endeavor to make every meal as low in calories as I can, for that given food, especially if I'm cooking dinner. Portion size would be a huge wall too, so I need to start working on eating denser foods. I generally eat about 1/4-1/2 of what my mum or brother would, at any given meal, and it's less than I know I should eat in any weight-maintaining scenario.

It's harder to eat more when I don't have the energy to cook much since I've been sick (which is my one of my main motivations for food), especially at the end of the day. I might bake something simple like banana-bran bread or wholemeal scones first thing in the morning some days to fill the freezer for snack options, but for dinner I'll usually be reheating frozen homemade soup. Mum can cook for me, but I've been eating early most nights since I've been sick this past month, so it's just easier to defrost something. Not to mention my coughing and pill-regime, but my blood pressure's been dropping to 110/51-62, though it can go as high as 140-150/*, which kinda explains my exhaustion.

I'm not coping with anything well, potentially exacerbated by my currently sickness. I don't want to think about food, I haven't left the house in 6+ weeks, I've been a long time without a time-filling distraction, let alone something meaningful filling my days. Nothing seems worth talking about, because there's nothing in my days to talk about. Deeper issues are off the cards completely. They seem too pointless to discuss when it all seems like old news.

At the moment I'm enjoying my week without appointments, which I seem to have had a lot of lately, as quiet as it is. Hopefully the next one will be the dietician on Tuesday, apparently for a birthday visit. I have plans to bake an epic birthday cake (there's only so many chances per year!), but that's about it. I'm also hoping to start working on a crafty project for kitty soon, so we'll see how that goes (*fingers crossed I stay motivated*).



  1. I know, it's so terrifying to think of eating so many calories every day for the rest of our is it done?! It must be do-able though, cos everyone else seems to be able to...argh mind boggling!

    It's good that you're pushing the boundaries beyond just your safe foods. I know too well how scary this is, I think you're braver than me! Do you have a list of safe foods? What are they?

    One of my rules is that I have to eat less than my mum, and I can't eat the same thing, so I think you're brave eating the same thing as your mum and brother! I want to be able to do that one day.

    Are you feeling any better at all? I hope you're feeling good enough to start your crafty project! It sounds fun!

    Take care Bella XXX

  2. Hello little Bella (and Boo too)
    Right now where you are it is the 29th, right?
    Which means it is your birthday tomorrow?
    Please could you tell me a few of your favourite things (former or current) in terms of animals/places/things that made you happy...
    I want to draw or paint you a picture for your birthday - you'll be helping me out by giving me a distraction and hopefully it will make you smile and I can send it in the post but draw it tomorrow and send a pic on the internet for your actual birthday...?!

    I love you, I really want you to be okay, you're comments are keeping me from falling apart and I want you to know you mean a lot to me xxxxx

  3. I'm thinking of you sweetie. I know this is a very hard time for you and it's a lot of transitioning but keep going. I love you and am giving you a huge hug.

  4. This is really offtopic but how do you know so much about like blood pressure and stuff? I'd love to learn more about it because whenever I go to the doctor/hospital they always say what my blood pressure is and I'm like... I don't know if it's good or not! >_<

    Wishing you the best, as usual <3

  5. Have a great birthday and enjoy making the cake! Post pictures if you can, I always love to see cake designs.
    I hope you feel wonderful tomorrow :) (well, your birthday is tomorrow over here, I don't know if it's already happening where you are or if it's in two days)