I'm mashing my 'self-destruct' button as fast as I can.
I'm being pushed over the edge with Christmas. There's a reason I haven't eaten at Christmas before, and nor will I be doing it again. It's just all way too much. I'm complete wreck.
I'm sorry I keep disappearing for a few days here and there. I just can't bring myself to write most days. I'm falling apart.
I've drunk the last two nights, after 8 months of not.
Don't wanna talk about it. Won't be drinking again for another 8 months.
And now I've got to prepare everything for tomorrow. Fuck.
On Wednesday I'm not eating more than 500, and it will just keep going lower . I've done too much damage already with alcohol.
I'm a mess right now.
I need Christmas to be over, like I need fucking air in my lungs.
I'm sorry this is such an unstructured post. I've fallen off the edge.