"You've gone down 0.3kg"

I don't believe it either.

I was certain I'd have gained weight. Even though I know, logically, that I didn't eat enough to gain, it still feels like I should have.

I keep going over and over in my head what I ate on Christmas Day. It feels like I'm missing something, though I've never 'missed' something. Surely, I must've eaten more.
Half a savoury muffin, a mini croissant, two small pancakes (one with jam, one with syrup).
A single Ferrero Rocher in the afternoon.
1/4 chicken breast with no skin, two baby potatoes and half a carrot - all roasted in oil and covered in gravy, mind you.

I ate unsafe foods on four days last week, and couldn't be 100% accurate with my calories as I normally am.  For accuracy, I would've had to prepare my own food separately, which was against the point. But even still, I certainly didn't eat over 1,500 on any given day.

It was a very long morning waiting for my appointment. I still only slept 3 hours last night. I'm considering taking my temazepam, but they make me hallucinate so I avoid them.
I didn't eat before my appointment, though I did allow myself 4 cups of coffee instead of just one.

She asked me if I had my OBs done on Sunday, and I told her I still hadn't. I only have two weeks left on my mirtazapine script though, so I need to get a wriggle on to seeing a GP. It'll either be this Sunday, or the 6th of January. Either way, I'm fucked.
What does it change, anyway, if I get my OBs done? It'll just make people panic even more, and I still won't care.

Things are falling apart. I can't wait for the New Year. Mum wanted me to wait until after the busy season before I started looking more seriously into getting my own place, and it's just around the corner now.

My weight's been slowly going down for over two months now, and the last time I gained was a week in September. I don't want to lose a lot or quickly, I just want to know that I'm constantly wasting away.

xxBella