Saturday, 8 December 2012

...

I'm yearning to get this weight off.
I need people to stop telling me that I look healthy.
"Really healthy", even.

I always find that rings are a good indicator of weight loss. I was given a black diamond ring a couple of years ago, and when I put it on, it was a snug fit. I broke down, swearing that one day it would fit on my thumb. It did eventually, until it fell off and I lost it.

At the moment I only have one ring, and I haven't been able to take it off in nearly a year. Until today.
After so long of punching walls and the like, the knuckles on my right hand (several fingers and one on my  hand) are kinda deformed and mis-shaped. And one day early this year, the finger that my ring was on got injured (at the same weight I'd maintained most of the year). Ever since, I could pull and twist at my ring, but it wouldn't come over my permanently-swollen knuckles for love nor money.
Today, though, it just came off. And I put it on my left hand instead - it looks much nicer.

I'm not 100% sure that it's an indicator of weight loss, or just a coincidence. My knuckles still feel 'locked' and look strange, so I doubt that the problem's mysteriously fixed itself.
My weight had dropped for three weeks in a row, until last week when it stayed the same. However, I'm hoping that was just food/water weight, and it'll drop again this week. I'm having a slightly lower intake next week anyway, just for a 'boost'. I need my weight to go down now, and I need it to go down a lot. I just want to tear off my skin. I'm far too big, and much too much. Until no one can tell me I look 'healthy'. I won't stop until they do.
It's needs to go. I need to go.

No being productive today. Right now I'm sat in bed, procrastinating the massive amounts of lettuce I need to wash and dry.

Currently drinking anywhere between 4-5 liters (16-20 cups) a day, sometimes more. At least 3-4 liters (12-16 cups) of that is from black coffee. It's insane.


Beat the heat

It's 37 degrees today. Only a few days ago, it was 18. Sigh. Hypothermia to risking heatstroke all in a matter of days! Ah, Australia.



xxBella

5 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're having a bad day, I agree with Allison though, you are tiny. I hope you feel better tomorrow. Take care <3
    Alice xx

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  2. Lovely pictures you have posted in the past week. You are gorgeous! And I absolutely adore your hair! I was not productive at all today either. No worries we all have those days :) Take care of yourself <3 Jade

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  3. Your legs are absolutely amazing, I wish I could look the same !
    Waw it's so hit in Australia!! I would say 'make sure to stay hydrated'', but it seems that you're already doing pretty great on that level ;)
    In France it is snowing! :/
    Love!
    Ps: don't mind the comments on fb! People are just jealous of how great you look!
    Mind if I add you on facebook? :)

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  4. Love you darling. I hope you're okay, take care.

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